Habitually Stupid

Howard Stern is in therapy. How many times have we heard this same schtick copying Woody Allen, who practically invented the insecure little Jewish man who is tormented by his overbearing, over protective mother, and lusts after young ladies only to allegedly have underage ladies in his closet. 

According to an interview by Mia Farrow on the Howard Stern radio show, Allen knew to race to a psychiatrist in case anything bad came out about him in the press; oh he was working on his demons, his troubles, only to snatch one of Farrow's house servants from her and marry her, oh the crime of it all.

Poor Howard Stern, the habitually stupid DJ that complains he has to work for a living. Well, goddamnit, that first divorce wiped him out, now the second marriage with that 150 lb bomb that won't leave the penthouse forcing Howard to shack up somewhere else needing the extra commute time in the morning to start his borefest Howard calls a radio show, snipping sizes out of his fat clothes having to fill four hours of commercial filled radio time with some boring storyline about how happy Stern is with his life while having to commute to Los Angeles to keep his entire family from running to the tabloids with the real reason Howard is in therapy, aside from getting all the doctor prescribed meds aside from him hiding his feminine physique with tons of clothes covering up his growing breasts and pot belly, like an aged pig who thinks he is young parading around with his long time companion, his fashion consultant, makeup man, prosthetics keeper, secrets keeper, stooge, toady, fug, no, not his wife, but Ralph Cirella.

Then we have to hear some bullshit from Howard on his daily radio rants about how stupid everyone is having kids, after his lab created rats are already on this planet and safely tucked away with their trust fund blankets covering their heads while Stern's rarely vertical girlfriend he married spouts nonsense that all she wanted for xmas was animals under the tree instead of a baby in a manger. 

Embarrassed you got stuck
with a barren botoxed pariah,
Howard? Your fat girlfriend
never produced anything
but getting photo prop kittens
dumped back in her Hamptons
Hellhole and having to
reissue them to some new
stooges that want their photo
posted on the Bianca's Furry
Friends Facebook site.

Oh, that's normal, since she has paraded around more than once looking like an IVF specimen only to have nothing come of it, from it, from out of it, whatever it is. Oh, no more kids? Of course not, we are not sure Miss Mare can reproduce, oh, but let's spout the spin that Beth is making any life choices sans the couch and sans having a constant companion making sure she doesn't come unhinged, at least not in public, where Page Six could get a hold of some juicy story coming from the juicing couple, who bought a home in Florida they only visit every three months when the botox drains out of their faces and into their pot bellies, then having the Warhol Wannabee Queen of Botox Brandt swinging from the ceiling, oh geez. How much did the Sterns pay for their Florida Botox & Facelift Surgery Center? Anymore doctors that make house calls under $10,000? Good luck, the stupid couple in action again.

Beth keeps dumping her photo prop cats onto the same families, only this time, as stated on Howard's radio show on Beth Tuesday, that she got the cats back in her face, a boomerang adoption and Beth deleting their photo from her precious Instagram site, oh, but they are still on the Bianca's Furry Friends Facebook site. 

Yes, cats on the curtains as Ms. Iannucci stated on Facebook and Beth gets Lollipop and Pumpernickel back in her lap. What happened Bethie? Did you send a limo to pick up the cats? No awesome photo shoot of you getting the cats returned to Stalag Beth in the Hamptons?

Then we hear from the scooter patrol, Robin Quivers, who supposedly was back at Martha's Vineyard over the holiday break while Howard was slaving over a makeup and facelift table in LA desperate to look young for his CGI closeup on "America's Got Talent". 

Yes, Robin and Martha's Vineyard have an old relationship where we know her faux Dr. Roni DeLuz supposedly gave Robin all those alleged quackery cancer cures before Robin was rushed to some medical center, in Robin's own words, giving birth to an "it", yes Robin, what was it? A bizarre baby growing somewhere outside that dead uterus? One night stand with a  male escort? Liquid diet lap band rehab? Now that would be a story to tell, while Beth is housed on Howard's website as some sort of a real person who does anything but stick an iPhone in her face and call it charity work.

Slave to the Satellite

Poor Howard Stern, he just can't seem to ditch the satellite job and the steady income from being a talk radio DJ for 30 years, when Oprah Winfrey finally quit SiriusXM radio since going full Hollywood, garnering a few Oscars for becoming a producer on several film projects. 

We remember Oprah was with the original XM satellite radio for many years, the company that rejected Howard Stern and told him to watch the door from hitting him in the ass on his way out, laughing at his offer to grace them with his presence on their satellite. 

Oh yes, the merger, when the newly formed company was at death's door, being saved by Monster Malone since the Howard Stern hiring debacle. The power of Howard Stern, Mr. Irrelevant and Mothballed, gee whiz, he finally found his place in the grand scheme of talentless dolts who talk for a living and refuse to retire even though he is in advanced old age living under a wig.

Mel Karmazin was fired from the company, yet no one fires Howard Stern unless they are ready to do battle in the press with the egomaniacal wigged fidget.

Siriusly Stern was set up and it never could pay the bills, having to acquire the sports channels aside from all the paid publicity limited run channels for aged celebs like Billy Joel. Poor Howard also couldn't pay the bills with his satellite salary, what with the massive divorce settlement to wife #1 and now the bearded lady he hired who never could procure an income, vertically, that is. 

Beth's new round of photo
props as posted on her
Instagram 4/13/15.

So now Bethie is off to the races again waiting to snatch more kittens before they are adopted by real families, not selfie families, like Beth with her selfie imagination that she is famous and we all can't wait to see her fresh botoxed face rolling around on the floor with some newly acquired photo props before they are dumped onto foster families in New Jersey.

How many more wigs and facelifts
will Howard get before
he is fired by NBC for bringing nothing
to "America's Got Talent"
except low ratings?

Pretty funny on Monday's state satellite radio show Howard danced around what he really did in Los Angeles over the vacation break, it was called, what? Working his second job. The stooge has no cash, he is constantly working for wages while getting free trips to the West Coast where he stated he visited with his daughter; oh lucky girl! Daddy won't spend a dime out of his own pocket to visit you, honey, it has to be a paid trip by his second employer, NBC.

Howard was desperate to name drop while in LA, when all we heard was that he sat around with his old, and I mean old, girlfriend Mary McCormack, and without her hubby? Is he still a scientologist fucking the lazy eyed Katharine McPhee? No? Howard said he chatted up Courteney Cox who hired her fugly boyfriend for "Cougar Town", you know, Beth's old friend, Brian Van Escort, wow, the D List rarely vertical circles Howard is in, just amazing.

I never heard any job offers Howard or Beth got while out in Hollywood, nope, two ignored pariahs sent back to their NY nesting places figuring out how to keep the public funding their income, what with that subscription based satellite service and Beth harassing the public for money to fund her existence at the North Shore Animal League. We just can't wait for the Apple the Cat Fund, Beth is chomping at her bit waiting for that round of publicity when the cat completes that last run up the cat tree of life.

Oh, but on Monday's radio show we heard how Howard is so happy with Beth! He can't believe how happy he is with Bethie while hoping that her tons of Botox side effects lead to a garage filled with yellow packing cord.

Sunday Filler

Do you know where your facial plastic cosmetic surgeon dermatologist is? I hope he or she had a better weekend than Dr. Brandt on Easter Sunday offering himself up as a human sacrifice to the gods of youth hoping he was raised to a better place where facelifts and scalpels can live in peace and harmony alongside syringes and fillers. They can work together, right? 

Aside from the round rabbit eyes and huge cheeks
[along with the Martian head], Botox and
fillers appear to cause balding.
What is with the obvious hair transplants and
glued on wig of Lisa Marie Falcone? We
know Dr. Brandt was going bald
30 years ago, but maybe Botox was to blame.

Dr. Brandt was against the facelift but not against the stretching of the neck as we wonder what was really going on with the aged doc since, according to many online news articles, he had a psychiatrist visiting him at his gated community townhouse everyday.

Could he or his gated and guarded community of cosmetic surgeons admit that Botox, and other fillers cause a psychosis and insanity? Dr. Brandt admitted to experimenting on himself over many many years and injected his neck with Botox; oh, what was the worse that could happen? You can't eat or breathe, but hey, it wears off. He was perfectly thin so Botox banishes the fat off that ass since you can't eat as Howard Stern and Beth are the number #1 ass users at the moment, but they need to inject it in their necks to stop food from going down, however, in Beth's case it has to be able to come back up.

All leathered up and ready to go was Dr. Brandt pictured with the cute President and CEO of his skin care line, Stephane Colleu.

Stephane could easily be the spokesmodel for Dr. Brandt's skin care products aside from being the President & CEO.

Hey, Dr. Brandt was a typical plastic surgery addict, they begin to believe they look their plastic surgery age instead of their biological age...he lied by about 10 years...what else was coming out about this doctor before a yellow packing cord cut off his last breath? Everywhere online we read the doctor was 65 years old, try 75, at least.

Notice the President & CEO of Dr. Brandt's skin care line, Stephane Colleu, did not correct the blogger's remarks about Dr. Brandt's real age. The article was written almost five years ago...how OLD was Dr. Brandt? Aside from looking like a dying vampire, I would guess he was nearing 80 at his untimely death.

Botoxed and filled up
as posted on Beth's Instagram
4/11/15 showing that hardened
and bloated cheek area and new
pronounced nose job dent
due to swelling of her nose
from all the cheek filler she got
injected while in LA.

Speaking of getting that face all bloated up and camera ready, Beth was already shuttled back from her free trip to Los Angeles looking quite pumped up with the shiny pasty cadaverous skin so common among injectable filler users and are forced to use heavy pancake makeup to hide their skin from the sun and to try and give it some color.

Photo posted on Beth's Instagram 4/11/15. What's with the huge swollen cheeks, Beth? I see that hard line and ridge on that right side of your face on the cheek and that puffiness is spreading to your fat nose that is in need of a second nose job.

Beth going nuts on Instagram 4/11/15 getting her selfie fix in spite of her huge swollen cheeks with the new, injected filler. No doubt, that's why the photos turned out so fuzzy, to mask the new round of surgical injections on her falling facelift.

Beth was busy on 4/11/15, having another Instagram photo posted of when Howard was in LA for a publicity shot. Howard is showing off his new permed weaved wig with the picture dark and askew to make the old guy look thin. I hope that poor dog wasn't too intimidated and harassed as the animal was obviously forced to pose for this fake publicity shot to make Howard look like a nice person instead of a staged stooge for NBC, the network that airs "America's Got Talent" and are fighting to keep Stern in the back of the closet.

Now, go and take a break and have a smoke on me. Life is too short to not sit back once in awhile and indulge in the vice of your choice. My vice? Oh, you're looking at him.

Martian Chronicles

The first Martian on the tarmac is Kelly Osbourne, fresh from quitting the E Channel's Fashion Police even though her contract was up anyway this year, will be hosting the red carpet pre-show for the 2015 MTV Movie Awards on Sunday in Los Angeles. Oh, will Howard and Beth be there? Yes, Beth's fathead and Howard's helmet wig qualify them as Martians but they are also pariahs in the film industry, so I think the answer would be no.

Kelly Osbourne's head is growing so huge her hair is now too small for her scalp so she glues the remaining pieces on top pointing upward towards a satellite.

Martian Bloomberg is big on Earth
as well as Mars.

Then we have the super Georgina Bloomberg with her huge Martian head attending the 18th Annual ASPCA Bergh Ball event in New York, April 9th, honoring Edie Falco and Hilary Swank, the girl that worked the Cannes Film Festival [according to Crazy Days and Nights dot net] scoring a six digit income for just spending some time with a super wealthy businessman during the festivities. 

Poor Beth, she has tried crashing past ASPCA events only to be shown the old hagatha nobody peon exit door by the top socialite who does tons of work for the ASPCA, Georgina herself. How convenient for Beth to have been shuttled to a free payola vacation in California by Howard's employer, NBC, since Howard spends zero of his own money for vacations and Beth manages to miss major events in New York that she wasn't invited to anyway and pretends she was too busy to attend. So cheapskate Howard and his fug pariah wife are a perfect match and perfect pair sitting on an expense account from the NBC "America's Got Talent" TV show budget. 

Howard & Beth in LA on 4/9/15 with Howard showing off his Harpo Marx thicket wig combed forward hiding his pulled back receding hairline from a facelift.

Photo posted on Beth's Instagram 4/10/15 showing an enormous Martian about to crush an adoptable kitten at Stalag Beth. The kitten is supposedly going to be saved by a real foster family this weekend. Martians are not known to understand Earth's small furry creatures and think they are bugs to be squashed because they are photo hogs stealing the limelight away from Martian fame whore women who never made it as models on Earth and had to marry DJs kicked off terrestrial radio.

Last but never least, is a high ranking Martian official, Dr. Fredric Brandt, who was called back to his planet and forced to stage a fake hanging death much to the dismay of his Earthly subjects who all want to be on that rocket ship to Mars with their ever expanding fat heads.

Cher was a client as you can tell from her post
facelift Martian face and head expansion.

Former, and I mean a big fat former, supermodel Stephanie Seymour was a client of Dr. Brandt. Too bad he fled the Earth before he could finish his secret injectable serum to eliminate cellulite as an alternative to liposuction.

No secret here that Sly Stallone was a client of Dr. Brandt as this Martian headed celeb is ready for his interplanetary closeup.

Rare photo of Martian Brandt with actual Martian women who just arrived in their packing crates and their plastic wrapping paper is still on their bodies.

Happy Saturday, Beth Fans. Forget your troubles and party like Renee. Life is too short to worry about Martin Short and Tina Frump making fun of you. Just be glad you aren't them, two tired fugs walking a thin line into obscurity with a future of being stuck in the vortex of guest appearances on the Howard Stern stale satellite radio show.

Ice, Ice, Baby

"America's Got Talent" (AGT) has hit the red carpet in Hollywood on April 8th with Mel B stealing the show with her gigantor diamond ring and double Cartier Love bracelets when Howard Stern could only afford a replacement engagement ring, retail, out of the case, when Beth bitched and moaned that it was too small [oh yes, and a diamond fell out of the cheap shitty ring]. So Stern had to get off his duff and hike out to the local jeweler to get a bigger diamond for the bulldog wife, yet not as big as Mel B's [few are as big as Mel B in any department]. Howard also only bought one pitiful Cartier Love bracelet for Beth which was ditched and disappeared, so the story goes, because Princess Beth got tired of it when the entire world knows Beth had to pawn it, why? Oh, please, I would never perjure myself so better say nothing or get sentenced to blogger prison.

AGT is almost in the can for this year as Stern is hanging onto his Botoxed ButtaFace thinking he looks young when it's tons of post-production CGI that the experts will finally have to deal with once this taping stuff is finished and the editors and computer experts take over to make the show into something watchable.

Howard's doing the comb-foward on the wig
extensions to hide the swelling in his Botoxed
forehead. He is sporting a fresh
skin peel and pinkish powder pancake
makeup to give some color to his
cadaverous pallor due to over bleaching and
numerous laser skin treatments.

We get the flash editing and tons of special effects trying to make the show seem exciting and make Howard sound coherent and not be so obvious he is reading from a script, while we get a few acts in between massive commercials as AGT is all set to clog up the airwaves in the summer until something happens, like a sporting event, natural disaster somewhere, or anything that would be of interest to the public instead of this thinly disguised Gong Show rip-off, that doesn't even know it's junk. At least the Gong Show knew it was junk; that was the point. AGT thinks it's a real show, when it's a reality show with a pre-arranged stooge pigeon all set for some dough in an amount that we wonder really exists as publicized.

Don't sashay away yet Howard, we love your model poses on the red carpet and wonder just what kind of dart gun was used with that elephant tranquilizer that kept Beth Horninsky from jumping onto the red carpet with Howard to pretend she is famous.

Comb the hair forward, Howard, glue it to your face to hide that tape hidden under those ringlets. Howard also has to hide those liver spots from the sun as the makeup will rub off on his sleeves, so he covers up and hides or the spots will return after spending thousands on those bleaching treatments aside from hiding from his alcoholic binges. Howard is desperate to lose the paunch and his breasts are sagging in that dingy coat.

Howard on the AGT red carpet, 4/8/15 looking like he is rubbing lotion on his hands to prepare to masturbate since he lives alone with a few guys coming and going and coming and coming....Oh, keep rubbing those hands together, Howard, maybe a Genie will pop out of that stuffing hidden under that ratty coat and scarf. Oh right, Ralph Cirella is Howard's fashion consultant, ummm, okay, that's as good as anything to write on a tax form.

Gorgeous Heidi Klum has nothing to hide from any soul or sun as she stopped traffic at the AGT red carpet in Hollywood on Wednesday.

Mel B on the AGT red carpet wore a chic understated sheath along with her diamond ring and gold bracelets.

Fresh out of her asylum, the white
hospital garbed Katie Lee
was in attendance
at the party honoring The
Hollywood Reporter's 35 most
powerful people in New York media
on April 8th.

Howard's publicist earning its keep by getting Stern on a useless list, normally Beth gets to be the list person, but no, this time Howard is one of the 35 most powerful people in NY media...now that is some obscure list, NY media? Okay, I think there are only 35 people in the NY media, you know, Jimmy Fallon, Matt Lauer, Hoda Yoda, Liz Smith...you get the idea. Wow, a list, Stern is really relevant and won't slash his wrist for another six months.

The star of "Private Parts", Carol Alt
was also in attendance at The Hollywood
Reporter's media party on April 8th.
We know she was there for the
free liquor, but is that considered
a raw diet? Is she still doing that?
Hey, cancer and carrots, quite
the fat fighter aside from the fact
she's crazy as a loon.

Keep up the good work Howard, you might become famous after all, and not just in your own small world of Manhattan but Los Angeles and Florida too, right? Don't give up, I hear there are tons of ops for seniors who take out their teeth at night and wear wig caps to bed that keep shaving off their beards only to have them keep coming back to hound you for a TV show.

Happy Throwback Thursday as we see how much extensive face and wig work Howard has had done over the years. Notice the saggy baggy neck and jawline, which is now smooth, with lasered skin and pancake makeup and the botox across the forehead.

Is it Fisting Friday yet? Go Beth!

Beneath the Skin

According to Town & Country magazine, news of Dr. Fredric Brandt's death came on the afternoon of Easter Sunday, just when families are huddled together getting drunk while the kiddies hunt for those Easter eggs hidden in the grass hoping for a fertile future and not one filled with nightmares about aging only to have some Dr. Death and Depression fill their heads with injections making their heads and faces enormous to make Martian Rancic jealous.

Guiliainainia Rancic is a high ranking official on the Red Planet
and a low class bitch on the Blue Planet.

Babs owed her face to Dr. Brandt

What else are we learning about the untimely death of Dr. Brandt? He is survived by a brother and all donations in Dr. Brandt's honor are to go to The Humane Society of the United States. I mean, didn't he know about the Beth fund to keep Beth in Botox injections and Birkin bags? Nothing to Bianca's Furry Friends at the North Shore Animal League? 

Will Beth admit she was a patient of Dr. Brandt? I doubt it, now she has to seek out another doctor to pump up her ego as they pump junk beneath the skin as she continues to hide out in Los Angeles this week while her wigged weird looking husband has his face pulled back hidden under a frizzy wig to hide his giant pulled back forehead and waxed eyebrows.

Howard Stern's dermatologist is a guest judge on Season 10 of AGT.

Happy Wine Wednesday, Beth Fans

Remember to drink responsibly or you may end up with Katie Fuglee.