Martian Chronicles

The first Martian on the tarmac is Kelly Osbourne, fresh from quitting the E Channel's Fashion Police even though her contract was up anyway this year, will be hosting the red carpet pre-show for the 2015 MTV Movie Awards on Sunday in Los Angeles. Oh, will Howard and Beth be there? Yes, Beth's fathead and Howard's helmet wig qualify them as Martians but they are also pariahs in the film industry, so I think the answer would be no.

Kelly Osbourne's head is growing so huge her hair is now too small for her scalp so she glues the remaining pieces on top pointing upward towards a satellite.

Martian Bloomberg is big on Earth
as well as Mars.

Then we have the super Georgina Bloomberg with her huge Martian head attending the 18th Annual ASPCA Bergh Ball event in New York, April 9th, honoring Edie Falco and Hilary Swank, the girl that worked the Cannes Film Festival [according to Crazy Days and Nights dot net] scoring a six digit income for just spending some time with a super wealthy businessman during the festivities. 

Poor Beth, she has tried crashing past ASPCA events only to be shown the old hagatha nobody peon exit door by the top socialite who does tons of work for the ASPCA, Georgina herself. How convenient for Beth to have been shuttled to a free payola vacation in California by Howard's employer, NBC, since Howard spends zero of his own money for vacations and Beth manages to miss major events in New York that she wasn't invited to anyway and pretends she was too busy to attend. So cheapskate Howard and his fug pariah wife are a perfect match and perfect pair sitting on an expense account from the NBC "America's Got Talent" TV show budget. 

Howard & Beth in LA on 4/9/15 with Howard showing off his Harpo Marx thicket wig combed forward hiding his pulled back receding hairline from a facelift.

Photo posted on Beth's Instagram 4/10/15 showing an enormous Martian about to crush an adoptable kitten at Stalag Beth. The kitten is supposedly going to be saved by a real foster family this weekend. Martians are not known to understand Earth's small furry creatures and think they are bugs to be squashed because they are photo hogs stealing the limelight away from Martian fame whore women who never made it as models on Earth and had to marry DJs kicked off terrestrial radio.

Last but never least, is a high ranking Martian official, Dr. Fredric Brandt, who was called back to his planet and forced to stage a fake hanging death much to the dismay of his Earthly subjects who all want to be on that rocket ship to Mars with their ever expanding fat heads.

Cher was a client as you can tell from her post
facelift Martian face and head expansion.

Former, and I mean a big fat former, supermodel Stephanie Seymour was a client of Dr. Brandt. Too bad he fled the Earth before he could finish his secret injectable serum to eliminate cellulite as an alternative to liposuction.

No secret here that Sly Stallone was a client of Dr. Brandt as this Martian headed celeb is ready for his interplanetary closeup.

Rare photo of Martian Brandt with actual Martian women who just arrived in their packing crates and their plastic wrapping paper is still on their bodies.

Happy Saturday, Beth Fans. Forget your troubles and party like Renee. Life is too short to worry about Martin Short and Tina Frump making fun of you. Just be glad you aren't them, two tired fugs walking a thin line into obscurity with a future of being stuck in the vortex of guest appearances on the Howard Stern stale satellite radio show.