Ice, Ice, Baby

"America's Got Talent" (AGT) has hit the red carpet in Hollywood on April 8th with Mel B stealing the show with her gigantor diamond ring and double Cartier Love bracelets when Howard Stern could only afford a replacement engagement ring, retail, out of the case, when Beth bitched and moaned that it was too small [oh yes, and a diamond fell out of the cheap shitty ring]. So Stern had to get off his duff and hike out to the local jeweler to get a bigger diamond for the bulldog wife, yet not as big as Mel B's [few are as big as Mel B in any department]. Howard also only bought one pitiful Cartier Love bracelet for Beth which was ditched and disappeared, so the story goes, because Princess Beth got tired of it when the entire world knows Beth had to pawn it, why? Oh, please, I would never perjure myself so better say nothing or get sentenced to blogger prison.

AGT is almost in the can for this year as Stern is hanging onto his Botoxed ButtaFace thinking he looks young when it's tons of post-production CGI that the experts will finally have to deal with once this taping stuff is finished and the editors and computer experts take over to make the show into something watchable.

Howard's doing the comb-foward on the wig
extensions to hide the swelling in his Botoxed
forehead. He is sporting a fresh
skin peel and pinkish powder pancake
makeup to give some color to his
cadaverous pallor due to over bleaching and
numerous laser skin treatments.

We get the flash editing and tons of special effects trying to make the show seem exciting and make Howard sound coherent and not be so obvious he is reading from a script, while we get a few acts in between massive commercials as AGT is all set to clog up the airwaves in the summer until something happens, like a sporting event, natural disaster somewhere, or anything that would be of interest to the public instead of this thinly disguised Gong Show rip-off, that doesn't even know it's junk. At least the Gong Show knew it was junk; that was the point. AGT thinks it's a real show, when it's a reality show with a pre-arranged stooge pigeon all set for some dough in an amount that we wonder really exists as publicized.

Don't sashay away yet Howard, we love your model poses on the red carpet and wonder just what kind of dart gun was used with that elephant tranquilizer that kept Beth Horninsky from jumping onto the red carpet with Howard to pretend she is famous.

Comb the hair forward, Howard, glue it to your face to hide that tape hidden under those ringlets. Howard also has to hide those liver spots from the sun as the makeup will rub off on his sleeves, so he covers up and hides or the spots will return after spending thousands on those bleaching treatments aside from hiding from his alcoholic binges. Howard is desperate to lose the paunch and his breasts are sagging in that dingy coat.

Howard on the AGT red carpet, 4/8/15 looking like he is rubbing lotion on his hands to prepare to masturbate since he lives alone with a few guys coming and going and coming and coming....Oh, keep rubbing those hands together, Howard, maybe a Genie will pop out of that stuffing hidden under that ratty coat and scarf. Oh right, Ralph Cirella is Howard's fashion consultant, ummm, okay, that's as good as anything to write on a tax form.

Gorgeous Heidi Klum has nothing to hide from any soul or sun as she stopped traffic at the AGT red carpet in Hollywood on Wednesday.

Mel B on the AGT red carpet wore a chic understated sheath along with her diamond ring and gold bracelets.

Fresh out of her asylum, the white
hospital garbed Katie Lee
was in attendance
at the party honoring The
Hollywood Reporter's 35 most
powerful people in New York media
on April 8th.

Howard's publicist earning its keep by getting Stern on a useless list, normally Beth gets to be the list person, but no, this time Howard is one of the 35 most powerful people in NY media...now that is some obscure list, NY media? Okay, I think there are only 35 people in the NY media, you know, Jimmy Fallon, Matt Lauer, Hoda Yoda, Liz Smith...you get the idea. Wow, a list, Stern is really relevant and won't slash his wrist for another six months.

The star of "Private Parts", Carol Alt
was also in attendance at The Hollywood
Reporter's media party on April 8th.
We know she was there for the
free liquor, but is that considered
a raw diet? Is she still doing that?
Hey, cancer and carrots, quite
the fat fighter aside from the fact
she's crazy as a loon.

Keep up the good work Howard, you might become famous after all, and not just in your own small world of Manhattan but Los Angeles and Florida too, right? Don't give up, I hear there are tons of ops for seniors who take out their teeth at night and wear wig caps to bed that keep shaving off their beards only to have them keep coming back to hound you for a TV show.

Happy Throwback Thursday as we see how much extensive face and wig work Howard has had done over the years. Notice the saggy baggy neck and jawline, which is now smooth, with lasered skin and pancake makeup and the botox across the forehead.

Is it Fisting Friday yet? Go Beth!