Habitually Stupid

Howard Stern is in therapy. How many times have we heard this same schtick copying Woody Allen, who practically invented the insecure little Jewish man who is tormented by his overbearing, over protective mother, and lusts after young ladies only to allegedly have underage ladies in his closet. 

According to an interview by Mia Farrow on the Howard Stern radio show, Allen knew to race to a psychiatrist in case anything bad came out about him in the press; oh he was working on his demons, his troubles, only to snatch one of Farrow's house servants from her and marry her, oh the crime of it all.

Poor Howard Stern, the habitually stupid DJ that complains he has to work for a living. Well, goddamnit, that first divorce wiped him out, now the second marriage with that 150 lb bomb that won't leave the penthouse forcing Howard to shack up somewhere else needing the extra commute time in the morning to start his borefest Howard calls a radio show, snipping sizes out of his fat clothes having to fill four hours of commercial filled radio time with some boring storyline about how happy Stern is with his life while having to commute to Los Angeles to keep his entire family from running to the tabloids with the real reason Howard is in therapy, aside from getting all the doctor prescribed meds aside from him hiding his feminine physique with tons of clothes covering up his growing breasts and pot belly, like an aged pig who thinks he is young parading around with his long time companion, his fashion consultant, makeup man, prosthetics keeper, secrets keeper, stooge, toady, fug, no, not his wife, but Ralph Cirella.

Then we have to hear some bullshit from Howard on his daily radio rants about how stupid everyone is having kids, after his lab created rats are already on this planet and safely tucked away with their trust fund blankets covering their heads while Stern's rarely vertical girlfriend he married spouts nonsense that all she wanted for xmas was animals under the tree instead of a baby in a manger. 

Embarrassed you got stuck
with a barren botoxed pariah,
Howard? Your fat girlfriend
never produced anything
but getting photo prop kittens
dumped back in her Hamptons
Hellhole and having to
reissue them to some new
stooges that want their photo
posted on the Bianca's Furry
Friends Facebook site.

Oh, that's normal, since she has paraded around more than once looking like an IVF specimen only to have nothing come of it, from it, from out of it, whatever it is. Oh, no more kids? Of course not, we are not sure Miss Mare can reproduce, oh, but let's spout the spin that Beth is making any life choices sans the couch and sans having a constant companion making sure she doesn't come unhinged, at least not in public, where Page Six could get a hold of some juicy story coming from the juicing couple, who bought a home in Florida they only visit every three months when the botox drains out of their faces and into their pot bellies, then having the Warhol Wannabee Queen of Botox Brandt swinging from the ceiling, oh geez. How much did the Sterns pay for their Florida Botox & Facelift Surgery Center? Anymore doctors that make house calls under $10,000? Good luck, the stupid couple in action again.

Beth keeps dumping her photo prop cats onto the same families, only this time, as stated on Howard's radio show on Beth Tuesday, that she got the cats back in her face, a boomerang adoption and Beth deleting their photo from her precious Instagram site, oh, but they are still on the Bianca's Furry Friends Facebook site. 

Yes, cats on the curtains as Ms. Iannucci stated on Facebook and Beth gets Lollipop and Pumpernickel back in her lap. What happened Bethie? Did you send a limo to pick up the cats? No awesome photo shoot of you getting the cats returned to Stalag Beth in the Hamptons?

Then we hear from the scooter patrol, Robin Quivers, who supposedly was back at Martha's Vineyard over the holiday break while Howard was slaving over a makeup and facelift table in LA desperate to look young for his CGI closeup on "America's Got Talent". 

Yes, Robin and Martha's Vineyard have an old relationship where we know her faux Dr. Roni DeLuz supposedly gave Robin all those alleged quackery cancer cures before Robin was rushed to some medical center, in Robin's own words, giving birth to an "it", yes Robin, what was it? A bizarre baby growing somewhere outside that dead uterus? One night stand with a  male escort? Liquid diet lap band rehab? Now that would be a story to tell, while Beth is housed on Howard's website as some sort of a real person who does anything but stick an iPhone in her face and call it charity work.