Diets That Should Be Kept Secret

When will Robin Quivers print a
retraction book since she has stated she
is no longer vegan even though
it saved her life. Why Robin? Too fat
to keep up the lies? 

Regular listeners [ha ha ha ha ha] of the Howard Stern stale satellite radio show where Howard reads a bunch of commercials plugging various products to pad his dwindling Siriusly deflated annual salary, can pick up stupid diet tips from Howard himself and of course from his invisible sidekick Robin Quivers, the woman who published a book of vegan recipes that saved her life and paraded on a bunch of talk shows saying publicly that she is vegan, is now gobbling down oceans of fish along with buckets of spicy Thai chicken on her weekend binges avoiding white flour while mounted on a NASA cushion in the middle of her living room waiting for Howard to be back on the air, with Robin most of the time sitting home and phoning in her banter while Howard talks to a wall since he hates anyone to interrupt him anyway and loves finally being the lone star of his radio show while endlessly plugging his wife's junk jewelry, books and calendars and pretending it's for charity when all it does is benefit Beth by keeping her name constantly in paid press items. 

Robin Quivers shops at Whole Foods for fusilli pasta that she glues onto her head. 
Whole foods, you know, whole cows, chickens, pigs, horses, sheep, elk, etc.,
and still maintains she had cancer, lapband cancer, Robin? 
 

Robin, on most days, is hovering above her living room who thinks having zero gravity means she can eat boat loads of food delivered by all those young boys that have been seen coming and going from her apartment in Manhattan. A few times a month Robin has to show up in the studio for a long day of pre-recording interviews so basically, Howard is in the studio about two days per week. He then skates out to race to his new Beth O-free digs and starts badgering people who have television shows to let him make an appearance and hopefully harass someone into letting him have his own show while his long time companion Ralph Cirella chooses his lounging gowns and lets out Howard's pants or lets the men out of Howard's pants, whatever, I might have overheard that tidbit incorrectly, but Ralph lets something out involving Howard's pants. Oh yes, Howard often talks about his strict dieting to maintain his bizarre body featuring a huge stomach that he can hardly hide under layers of clothing with the button of his jacket about to pop off as he barely made it through his final season of America's Got Talent holding his breath for the last thirty days of live shows. 

And what about the prize model he married? Oh, she has a full day of selfies lying flat on her back in various poses of insanity while she guzzles some of that Starbucks coffee that she used to say she never drank. Oh yes, the evolved Beth now says she drinks coffee when she used to say only gallons of Starbucks Chai Tea Latte would pass through those nicotine lips. And to maintain her bizarre proportions, she downs that frozen pizza that she heats up along with Clooney wine and meditates on how lucky she is and then dives into a bathtub for more selfies and spinning until her captured feral kittens are put to bed. Yes, Beth believes cats go to bed at night like people and is completely unaware they are nocturnal and like to sleep during the day, which Beth interrupts with constantly throwing them around the kitten room at Stalag Beth and having The Help super glue them to her body until Beth gets tired and decides to crash and burn in the nearest guest room since navigating any stairs is out of the question or we might have another Sunny on Howard's hands with a lot of explaining to do, with Ralph being called in as an expert witness to testify to the fact Howard and Beth do not live together and he got Howard while Beth got the pre-nup.

Beth, from left to right, at America's Got Talent red carpet events, 2015, 2014, and two from 2013 since Howard failed to get her in the contract for 2012.

Crimes against sanity, oh yes, there needs to be a law about truth in Instagramming as these two are felons with the photoshopping and bizarre expressions that would frighten Rosemary's baby back into the womb. 

Notice the drawn line in the photoshopped photo on the top left to give Howard a jawline and the skin is smoothed out to make him look young. Oh yes, all of BETH'S proceeds go to the North Shore Animal League (NSAL or Animal League), not to the real author or the artist of Beth's upcoming book, they are collecting their fees, they are donating nothing but to their own bank accounts. Beth has all of her proceeds donated to Beth since her foundation is building a kitten center at NSAL. So there you go, buy Beth's book and she gets all your money as part of her salary as a NSAL spokesperson and getting a salary from her foundation.

No comment

Happy Tuesday Beth Fans, as we suffer through more of Howard and Beth's desperate attempts at fame and horning in on television shows that keep trying to dodge the two desperadoes but everyone is not sure how dangerous they are so they break down and let them on their TV shows and be done with it and have security standing by or they won't leave the studio.

#ds #sirius #sfn #robinquivers #beth #howard #sirius

Beth Loves Waffles

I am making an assumption here since Beth copied Waffles the cat's storyline when he was adopted in 2011 by a person who has since set up media sites and the story of how the cat was adopted made it onto the website "SimonsCat.com", a British artist who documents the antics of his fictional cat Simon, which is really a character made up of four of the cats he owns. Oh, yes, Waffles, a cat who was considered weird and ugly as a kitten and was passed over with all his litter mates adopted before him until two kindhearted persons adopt him and he is now famous on the Internet, just the same story Howard Stern copied for his marketing scheme for Beth O'Stern's Persian cat named Yoda, a name they cleverly stole from the Star Wars franchise since Howard Stern can think of nothing original on his own. 





The word "adoption" in the article below is confusing. I assume the breeder was a dog breeder with a litter of kittens that were up for "adoption" but it doesn't make sense since "Waffles" is a Scottish Fold and breeders of those cats sell them, even the ones not meeting the breed standard.

Beth formed two books based on the Waffles storyline, where the cat was passed over and never selected and was also considered ugly. Enter Beth and her Yoda the cat who was also left behind and never adopted until superstar Beth O'Desperate For Fame came along with two books, the story of Yoda, the cat left behind and Yoda and his Buddy, the upcoming book about one of Beth's foster cats who was considered funny looking with Buddy befriending him. What will you copy next, Beth, for book three of the made up and phony Yoda the cat saga?

Excerpt from Beth's first book about Yoda the cat and how he was left behind day after day because he was a runt and scrawny and he watched other cats being adopted before Beth O'Superstar spotted him and took him home:

Synopsis of Beth's upcoming second book about Yoda the cat and Blind Buddy with Frankie the cat being the victim in the story because he was goofy looking according to Beth's fictional story:

Waffles' story is just like Yoda's storylines, and Waffles was a kitten in 2011 and he is about five years old now, plenty of time for Beth's team to ferret out a cat's story and plagiarize it. Hey, they plagiarized the Yoda name why not steal a few story ideas along the way:

Yes, a new requirement to make Beth famous.
You can now follow Beth's boring cats online as
they are adopted by fucking assholes who do nothing
but wait for Beth's limo to show up with a photographer
and get their fug faces on Beth's Instagram site.

To copy Waffles, who has millions of Internet followers, Beth now wants the phantom public to follow online, all of the cats that she has snatched and dumped onto various persons who are too fucking lazy and too fucking stupid to get their asses to their own local animal shelters and adopt a cat all on their own, they need fathead Beth to stage a huge adoption session with Beth's paid photographer in tow and wants even more publicity by having the new owners continue with the Beth Publicity Campaign to make the aged nobody famous through these snatched kittens. Oh yes, you are now required to set up an Instagram or Facebook site to follow Beth's cats who now have new homes. Oh wow, Beth, who thought this up? Aren't you famous enough on your stale Instagram site with the cat club people who have no fucking clue who you are and really think you just roll around on your back and have cats thrown on your body by the help to snap a bunch of photos? Oh, wait, what was I saying? Oh, they have no clue Beth has deemed herself a celebrity when she is just another dolt with a free Instagram site who has a selfie obsession at the menopausal age of 46.

Is Beth now having problems with the Don Buchwald Agency? The comment below is from a former employee of the Don Buchwald agency in New York, yes, Howard Stern's big fat agent with the stupid hats. It has to be about having to create "demand" for Howard Stern's trophy wife. Can't they foist Howard's wife endlessly onto the cat circuit? Well, all Beth has is cats, cat shows, cat events, whatever and wherever she can stick her fathead in a photo she will be there, like on the cover of Cat Fancy magazine when she has zero to do with the cat breeders industry, but how else do you market a complete nobody? 

What about Heidi Klum? Oh, she is in Milan attending the amfAR benefit as she normally attends these events and is a tireless supporter of the cause supporting AIDS research. The glamorous Heidi and her billionaire boytoy boyfriend were the center of attention at the amfAR benefit on 9/26/15 in Milan.

So, Beth is stuck with the kitten gimmick sitting on her ass in the Hamptons, an ignored pariah on Instragram with a bunch of paid followers and stooge cat club members. Oh yes, Beth thinks she's famous for cat selfies. She snatches a bunch of feral cats [Beth only keeps the ones that are purebred like her Maine Coon Leon Bear and Yoda the purebred Persian, with failed attempts she got stuck with like Blind Bella who failed to trend], and sticking her fat head in the endless boring photos doing nothing but documenting dumping sessions onto idiots who take Beth's reject cats. Miss Rich Do-Nothing whose husband is scrounging for more work on television to keep up appearances that he is a real talk show host and a comedian when he is only a shock jock from days gone by and has overstayed his welcome on the airwaves for about 20 years. Beth Stern, with her bragging about having her limo pick up a few cats from her charity that pays her a salary, the North Shore Animal League while Beth waits for her photog to show up, then she snaps a few photos and dumps the cages in the limo and back to Stalag Beth where the help throws the cats into waiting cages in their own kitten room. Big deal, Beth, wow, can you do less for anything or anyone? No, but she keeps trying.

Now let's all calm down and enjoy our steak and fries on a lazy Sunday in Paris. Bon appetit...

Goodbye, Howard...

...don't let the Beth Fan Page hit you in the ass on your way out the door. According to Howard, he is finished with his SiriusXM job this year and won't be re-signing. Of course it makes sense, especially since his former buddy Mel Karmazin was kicked out by the new major shareholder of the company, the Liberty Media Corporate Chairman Monster Malone. Malone saved SiriusXM from disappearing into outer space forever by acquiring the company and then expanded its content by adding the NFL, NASCAR and other sports channels, along with CNBC and Bloomberg for news. SiriusXM also offers special limited run programming like the Billy Joel Channel and Russell Brand's comedy channel [who was rumored a few years back to be replacing Stern], along with new shows like Andy Cohen's celebrity and pop culture show called Radio Andy on Ch 102.

Mel Karmazin got Beth the
animal charity gimmick with
his pet charity, the North
Shore Animal League
since he is a sponsor.

We know it has been reported that Howard's terrestrial radio show cost about one hundred million to produce annually, with Stern walking away with about 30 million annually plus syndication and cable channel deals. The one hundred million was the number he presented to Sirius almost 10 years ago which included paying for an actual brand new studio, the operating expenses and some staff salaries, including his own salary which various sources guestimate to be anywhere from about 60 - 80 million annually with a  famehound wife who lays on her back all day since that is the only training she ever got from her handlers who got her placed squarely in Howard Stern's scripted life to play wife #2 and experts, insiders, and sources say she is costing Howard approximately eight million per year in expenses to make her famous and keep her mug in the press and out of a police line-up. 

However, it is no secret both satellite companies were tanking big time after hiring Howard, and all that money to pay him to come to satellite has been a model to future businesses of what not to do. Even the merger was concocted between Sirius and XM didn't help the failing satellite radio business. So, SiriusXM had to offer the sports and news channels as well as special paid programming by musical artists and of course the new car deals which basically pulled the newly merged companies out of a sink hole and Stern hardly matters at this point.

What should Howard do next with his life? Well, he was kicked off free TV once again and his wife is just running around her cage at Stalag Beth in the Hamptons in a frenzy until she passes out flat on her back for hours in the middle of the day and is obsessed with selfies on her Instagram site with her life going nowhere fast. She has missed out on several Hamptons events over the past five years or so, and even failed to parade on many red carpets, like the Cinema Society events where she is now almost never seen, and she missed the opening of the Met Opera season this year when her normal date Katie Lee has been ditching Beth and pursuing her own life with her show on the Food Network and writing her books of disgusting food she is selling to the public that she never touches.

Brooke and her husband at the opening
of the Met Opera season 9/21/15.

Brooke Shields showed up with a strange thing called a "husband" to the opening of the Metropolitan Opera season in New York on September 21, 2015. Beth only showed up with Katie Lee in the past since Beth has no husband, well, at least not one that lives with her on a regular basis but poses for headless photos in the Hamptons while waiting for his limo to take him back to his apt in NY.

Last year, Beth on a date night
with Katie Lee attended the opening of the
Met Opera season on 9/22/14.

Will we miss Howard and Beth from the constant media attention? Will they really go away and thereby shut down the Beth Fan Page? We know his pet paper the NY Daily News is tanking and facing bankruptcy with writers being fired but since Howard subsidizes Marianne Garvey's paycheck, her job is safe and getting Beth those giant photos in the paper, the do-nothing wife of Howard Stern holding a kitty cat gets press is just amazing. But, we know that is why the paper needs to be bailed out and Howard is just the guy to do it, gotta keep up the fantasy he married a celebrity, Beth O'Nothing who got offered nothing in her life but extra cheese on her nacho.

Beth shown on 9/23/15 can't stay vertical for
more than a few hours at one time as she looks to be on a
selfie crash and burn in the Hamptons on selfie lockdown.

Now that Howard seems to be parachuting out of a satellite and will be landing back on Earth soon, he can now have his own podcast and constantly plug his fug wife and all her awesome selfies and shitty selfie books lying flat on her back and looking like a sick fish out of water drowning in her own flashbulbs of a nonexistent career. Oh, she sees a lot of people since she has a beautiful mind...she sees dead people, she sees fans, she sees television job offers....poor thing. We hope Howard gets some type of job on television or on the Internet or Beth just might jump from the sinking stern of her ship and might start blowing Andy Cohen. Hey, he has his own TV talk show and a satellite radio show, right? Just asking.

Beth wishes she had Simon's Cat [simonscat.com]

Yoda the Cat going nowhere with Howard getting stuck pre-ordering 10,000 copies of Yoda and His Buddy and Howard is having anxiety attacks over how to keep his wife in the press and her failing kitten charity gimmick going for another five years of pre-nup hell.

America's Paid Stooge

If anyone bothered to listen to Howard Stern on his stale satellite radio show on Monday, where he has been stuck on a pay service for almost ten years where ratings don't exist so his show doesn't matter anymore, he was defending the fact that his radio show has no content since he has evolved. 

So, I guess he will stop plugging that NBC summer filler show "America's Got Talent" (AGT) since his contract was not renewed and he can just focus on his paid commercials he reads on the air to supplement his dwindling Sirius salary.

Howard also had a scripted rant on Monday's radio show, about how he no longer identifies with the common man and that everyone can stop listening to his radio show and everyone is envious of his life. Notice the personality switch since being kicked off TV for the millionth time. His normal go-to word was always "jealous", wow progress Howard, right? Oh, we all ENVY Howard Stern [insert laughter]. No one envies Howard Stern's life. He is a hanger-on, a stooge, a kiss-ass phony who grovels at the feet of aged celebrities hoping to get his mug in the press and a job on television. Howard is just a boring old man who thinks his audience wants to hear about his sexual fantasies. Gross.

We know Howard likes to brag about being friends with Justin Theroux and Orlando Bloom, well then in that circle I am sure he has met the dog fighting to be on top, John Travolta, right? He looks like Beth so Howard must be in love with him.

Doesn't Howard also think we envy him since he landed a failed plus-size supermodel? Oh yes, the woman with zero talent that looks like she communes with the walking dead and is a bi-coastal red carpet hog famous for nothing but badgering the public for money for her personal foundation Bianca's Furry Friends (BFF) where she skims off the top and takes a salary to fund her lifestyle of rolling around on her back all day at Stalag Beth in the Hamptons, the prison kitten camp and selfie dungeon where she still thinks laying on her back and not moving for hours.

Beth is now in a routine of delivering kittens to people who are too lazy to go to their own local animal shelters and adopt a cat. Oh no, they need Hamptons cats that were selfied by Bethie, so they can have an awesome photo with the fathead wife of Howard Stern. Fuck those local cats, they want cats from Stalag Beth!! As usual, Bethie arrives by limo with a paid photographer in tow to show how famous she is as she is ferried back to her Instagram dream world of doing nothing but taking selfies all day and sitting in bathtubs and telling the public it's charity work since cats are in the photos.

So, Howard thinks he has real listeners of his radio show instead of trainspotters? It's killing Howard to be the butt of endless jokes and he can hardly bear leaving television [unless the show is filmed in a community property state] and can't bear to leave radio and just retire and stop bothering everyone. He is a giant canned ham, his audience could care less if he stays or leaves satellite since anyone subscribing to SiriusXM has hundreds of other channels to choose from that do not endlessly plug the mare they married or tell their audience how famous they are and don't need the job. 

And Bethie? Oh, we are envious because she endlessly exploits blind kittens because she is blind to the fact she has no life and no career but buying a ticket to a movie or a play and hogging a red carpet where Howard pays for a photographer to follow her around. She is saving her own dough for the day Stern buys the farm and she is left with nothing but her three stepdaughters who will hop on their brooms and proceed with legal actions to kick wife #2 out of their properties. 

Envious? Not much, no thank you. I don't want Howard's unholy three hounds from hell at my door once Howard kicks the bucket and buys a boat ride across the river Styx. I would start packing now and grab whatever I could and head for higher ground and wait out the storm.

Oh, yes, AGT was so envious of Howard that they dumped his ass and is moving the show back to Los Angeles. Everyone is envious of Howard Stern, okay fine. If I disagree then Howard would say I am envious of his life. That's a coping mechanism and how Howard survives on nothing otherwise he might throw himself off his balcony in the Village wearing a wig and dress so the neighbors will get a big show. We hope Howard remembers to leave a note before hurling himself over the edge and says the reason is because the entire world was too envious of his life so he ended it all. There, I just wrote the note for him. Then Beth will be forced to go back to her alleged job of holding down a seat in the basement of a Chinese restaurant waiting for someone to order takeout or to take her out.

Beth brings her own cow dyed a
pretty yellow color along with her
awesome slaughter industry
byproduct shoes to an
Animal Aid charity event.

Oh yes, aren't we envious of Beth the self proclaimed animal lover who proves it by wearing them on her feet and carrying them around in her man hands on those coveted red carpet appearances that Howard pays for while Howard pretends to live with the failed plus size model. Howard resides as one of the Village People with his long time companion Ralph Cirella. 

October 2011, Howard is
wearing a giant coat over
his costume because his
butt is bare. He has now
evolved as a radio DJ and
no longer moons an audience
from a stage but only moons
his gopher boys in private.

Oh, but Howard's radio show has changed since going to a pay service, right? He has evolved. He now has pre-approved scripted interviews with celebrities well past their shelf life or owe someone a favor as they climbed the fame ladder. Howard was forced to do this otherwise he would still be stuck with the D List comic circuit as regular guests on his stale show, like the racist Colin Quinn, for example, or that painfully unfunny 69 year old transsexual-looking Lisa Lampanelli. No, Howard moved on up, he is now with the real celebs, you know, fossilized Tony Bennett and Carol Burnett [who knew Beth's buddy Michael Cerveris in 'Fame' TV show]. And the musical stars who can't give away their latest stale dance music CDs like Madonna and Lady Gaga, oh yes, Howard has changed, and guess what, it doesn't matter. Gone are the naked girls just naked guys are in the studio and boring aged celebrities he interviews while begging Simon Cowell for a job on one of his shows and he got it all right, the summer filler D List show AGT, which he has just lost. Try and cope, Howard, maybe you can start filming more of those unaired TV pilots and prove you are still a dolt with no business in front of a TV camera.

Howard has always maintained that his huge 
clown thick frizzy wig was his real hair growing
out of his square head and everyone is envious of him.

However, Howard still does those moronic phony phone calls for morning zoo listeners from 1983 and all the gay skits and stunts where Howard laughs at them and lampoons gays and their lifestyle with Howard saying that they are gay because they never found their "Beth". Right, they could not find a giant wigged crone with a melted face who is under the delusion that it's her choice on whether to have human babies or not, gosh, what did Howard marry? Has he ever gone there? Right, Beth was in demand in NY yet not one person will come forward to admit they dated her.

Oh, the perfectly hetero Howard loves to talk about the gay community but is terrified of the transvestite and transgender communities because it hits right squarely in the center of his permed weave. Gotta stay away from those conversations, the gays are fine, Howard has publicly stated that he doesn't feel he's gay, yet he has shown that he is a transvestite who obsesses about women's clothing. It seems well known that his long time companion Ralph Cirella picks out his clothes every week and takes measurements and touches his body and dresses him while spending evenings huddled by the fireplace after ordering from Nobu and watching his Private Parts and trolling the internet to see if all his paid publicity pieces have been published then typing his own comments to the articles praising himself.

Stunning and flawless
Heidi Klum was at the
2015 Emmy Awards where
her show Project Runway
was nominated.

Howard also talked about the Emmy Awards that aired on Sunday night and how they are a big nothing. Well, duh, he was snubbed by the Emmy Awards every single year he was on AGT. No way are they nominating stooge Stern let alone let him win for that stale summer filler show with Howard married to that script that is handed to him for every broadcast. Pretty funny that Heidi Klum and Project Runway are always nominated and she won an Emmy Award in 2009 and 2013. 

The super celebrity and super lovely Amanda Peet married well and managed to avoid all aged dumped and divorced radio DJs as her husband's cable TV show Game of Thrones cleans up at the Emmy Awards.

Amanda Peet with her Game of Thrones superstar
 co-creator and writer husband.

The  beautiful and talented Queen Latifah was nominated for the lead role in the HBO movie "Bessie", the true story of the legendary blues singer Bessie Smith who was most popular in the 1920's and 30's. It won an Emmy on Sunday night for outstanding television movie and it was well deserved.

Happy Tuesday, Beth Fans, I won't be blogging for awhile unless Howard and Beth do something blog worthy.

#agt #travolta #ralph #cirella #dawgsaloon #dawgface #cats #oranges #ladygaga #latifah #emmys #heidi

Desperate Stern Housewife

September 19, 2015, Bethie O was back hosting that D List No List event called the Hero Dog Awards in Beverly Hills, CA, so Howard Stern has a much coveted Beth-Free weekend and is free from pretending they actually live together and share the same dog bed when they have a meet and greet in the same house, which is only for those awesome headless selfies of Howard petting a kitty cat waiting for his limo ride back to his Village People.

Yes, Beth will stoop as low as you can go to get her mug on television with hosting for a second time in a row, the American Humane Association's (AHA) Hero Dog Awards, a bogus animal charity that this blogger has reported on in the past, that is a front for the movie and TV industry and funded by the Screen Actors Guild which purchases the AHA seal of approval on all films and television shows featuring live animals. It's an actual seal that is shown at the end of the credits. The AHA has a record of doing nothing to ensure animal health or welfare. It was widely reported that the HBO show "Luck" was using horses that were drugged, sick and underweight resulting in the death of at least three horses on the set with PETA launching a complaint against the production with AHA supervising nothing and providing it's standard seal of approval that no animals were harmed during the production, which was obviously a false claim. The HBO show was quickly thrown off the air.

Beth O is now hosting the AHA Hero Dog Awards show which forces disabled dogs to walk or be dragged across a red carpet. This annual animal abuse and exploitation event  must be stopped by some sane person that has the power to do it. 

Ricketty old lady Beth with the weird
body loves the stage under a delusion
she's a celebrity. If you wore normal heels, Beth,
you would be a stubby shorty next to the
Desperate Housewife plumber.

Miss Beth O'Self Proclaimed Animal Lover cares nothing about shilling for a bogus animal charity by hosting their dog awards show. Wow, I guess those dogs might be lucky enough to not be dumped onto a Hollywood movie set and might actually have real owners. Who knows and who cares, not Beth, she just loves piling on the tons of makeup and huge wigs clomping on stage in 8 inch heels thinking she is an actual celeb instead of the bitchy wife of Howard Stern, nothing more, nothing less, even though she does do less than zero for her phony foster cats but selfie them to death before they are adopted by real foster families, wow, thanks Beth. Why not fund your own kitten shelter at the charity that pays you a salary, the North Shore Animal League? Ever think of actually donating your own cash and getting a shelter built? No? Too busy screwing around on the floor at Stalag Beth in the Hamptons, right? 

Desperate D-Lister studies her script backstage at the Hero Dog Awards [photo, left] looking chunky and like that zipper is going to explode. So the faux socialite supporter of this fiasco with her pet charity the AHA, Lois Pope, wasn't too old to fly on her broom from Florida to LA? Is she still afraid of that son of hers that she allegedly keeps cheating him out of his inheritance and dodging him while taking out kidnapping insurance against him and his family? I guess we have to move on from all that and focus on dogs...enter Beth O'Stern.

Looking like an aged saloon girl, Beth's mentor Lois Pope
attends the Hero Dog Awards show in LA still
managing to dodge the hungry aged alligators
looking for a free senior meal in Florida.

Good luck with your endless fame quest, Beth. So far, you are only animal farm famous. You do look ready for Halloween fame, the costume event your husband avoids yet parades around in drag at xmas, go figure. 

Happy Sunday Bethie, you deserve a break, you work way too hard. We know it's tough being a trophy wife wannabe with a tarnished image.

The Man That Got Away

The night is bitter, the stars have lost their glitter,
The winds grow colder and suddenly you're older,
And all because of the man that got away.

The road gets rougher, it's lonelier and tougher.
With hope you burn up, tomorrow he may turn up...

Where and when did it all go wrong for Beth? The pudgette from Pittsburgh whose bookworm mom thought herself a model and pushed her only daughter into the limelight of mall shop fashion shows and dreamed one day that her darling dolt would be the toast of New York instead of just toast sitting on an empty plate at a prison camp for feral kittens while all the famous men, real or imagined, got away from her and ended up with a dinosaur on pay radio.

Howard saved his failing career after being kicked off free radio with his syndication deals finally drying up across the nation since the shock jock DJ days were long gone and he refused to change his format until finally going to the corporate world of stale satellite where his show consists of Howard talking about being alone constantly and pleasuring himself to faux underage porn, reading endless commercials on the air and plugging his wife's animal charity calendars, books, and junk jewelry, followed up by coffee talk with the celebs with dead careers parading into the studio on a dull endless treadmill. In the meantime, wife #2, Bethie O'NotFamous sits in her own home in the Hamptons, Stalag Beth, obsessed with kitty litter pretending she has a life while rolling around on the floor and having the hired help post tons of useless photos of herself in various stages of insanity along with endless useless photos of the cats that she holds up and delays their adoption by several weeks because otherwise Beth would have no content for her media sites.

According to various hints, name-dropping, insinuations, chit-chat and outright lies, listed below are some of the men that got away from Beth and she has been spinning into a vortex of nothing ever since they got away. Now she has to worship Howard Stern since she has no alternative but going back home with mom and her absentee dad who loves to troll around Pittsburgh in his black Hummer trying to stay out of a federal prison. 

Notice Beth could have adapted to any man, changing her looks and expressions to mirror the men who eventually got away from her fantasy world.

Here we go: 

This man who got away is a winner alright. Beth stated publicly that her mom thought it was Mel Gibson that Beth captured, not Howard Stern. Gossip sites allege that Mel G habitually cheated on his first wife and refused to let her use birth control; allegedly abused alcohol and underage Thai hookers, he has a shoe fetish and a B.O. problem, as in Beth O? I will leave that up to you to figure out.

Both Howard and Beth lusted after this guy who got away. This was the second guy Beth said her mom thought she captured instead of the aged loser dinosaur on the radio. Yes, Brad Pitt was married too at the time like Mel was, but Beth goes after married men and she will get her pay day one way or the other. Gossip sites allege that Brad's another one with a B.O. [Beth O?] problem and he used wear a chicken suit for El Pollo Loco fast food restaurants before he scored in Hollywood, allegedly plays for both teams while allegedly throwing Gwyneth Paltrow out of bed for refusing to give him oral. Poor guy allegedly has herpes too.


Howard used his connections to get Beth her big movie break with a two-minute part in the Ben Stiller film "Flirting With Disaster". Beth wished she dated this guy as Howard inferred that she did. Stiller would have made Beth a star by sticking her face in all his movies. Gossip sites allege Ben is an uptight prick who abuses Botox and is a closeted $cientologist, but so is Howard, right?

This alleged autistic boy could've been Beth's alleged autistic boy had she snagged this comic fixture of late night television who has recently retired. Gossip sites allege that David Letterman is neurotic and frequented secret, private brothels in New York a few blocks from where he taped his late night talk show. Beth stated publicly that she would have dated Letterman had he asked her out. Howard claims Letterman fired Beth from her job as a skit girl on the show because she was dating Howard.

Beth can blend in with any celebrity's lifestyle as shown here:

Last but not least, is the winner Howard Stern. Notice how Beth mirrors the way Howard poses. This is a pro girflriend, folks. Howard claims that Beth dated a bunch of millionaires and had her pick of men and she chose him. Because of Howard, Beth is featured regularly in the financially strapped New York Daily News trying to make her famous. Since the constant Beth promotion with the huge photos of Beth taking up entire pages, the tabloid has taken a sharp downward spiral into bankruptcy as it lays off staff and seeks a buyer for the paper. Will Howard buy the tabloid for his rarely vertical trophy hound? It can be renamed The Beth Daily News and feature a million fuzzy iPhone photos of Beth by Howard.

Well, what about other ladies whose best years are behind them as their yoga pants increase in bandwidth and their marriages circle the drain? The massive plastic surgery specimen who shaves a few years off her real age, Megan the Fox, has filed for divorce from her D List hubby Brian Austin Green. Gossip sites allege that what really broke up their marriage was Brian's addiction to hiring male prostitutes to play with while his wife lays around the house in bandages hiding from photogs until she heals. 

Happy Saturday, Beth Fans. Remember, life is short and so are Beth's legs in spite of what Howard Stern says. You have probably already read that Simon Cowell is planning to sign the contracts in a few weeks to take over Howard's job as a judge on America's Got Talent (AGT). Cowell was going to be on the show four years ago but had a commitment with Fox Network on the X Factor [US edition] and didn't want to appear on a rival network, NBC, aside from certain scheduling conflicts with his UK version of the show. The X Factor was canceled in 2013 from the Fox network and Simon wanted to join AGT in 2014 but Howard wouldn't leave. Same thing happened in 2015, Howard wouldn't leave. 

As previously reported by this blogger, Simon publicly stated that he never wanted Stern as a permanent judge on AGT, just as a guest judge. So anyway, to be free of Stern, producers devised a plan to simply move the show back to Los Angeles knowing Stern doesn't want to earn dough in a community property state. So, supposedly, get ready for Cowell for the 11th season of AGT in 2016 where sponsors are scrambling to buy airtime during the show that is anticipated to have record high ratings following the Stern hiring debacle.

#melgibson #bradpitt #judygarland #meganfox #betho #simoncowell #sfn #afn