America's Paid Stooge

If anyone bothered to listen to Howard Stern on his stale satellite radio show on Monday, where he has been stuck on a pay service for almost ten years where ratings don't exist so his show doesn't matter anymore, he was defending the fact that his radio show has no content since he has evolved. 

So, I guess he will stop plugging that NBC summer filler show "America's Got Talent" (AGT) since his contract was not renewed and he can just focus on his paid commercials he reads on the air to supplement his dwindling Sirius salary.

Howard also had a scripted rant on Monday's radio show, about how he no longer identifies with the common man and that everyone can stop listening to his radio show and everyone is envious of his life. Notice the personality switch since being kicked off TV for the millionth time. His normal go-to word was always "jealous", wow progress Howard, right? Oh, we all ENVY Howard Stern [insert laughter]. No one envies Howard Stern's life. He is a hanger-on, a stooge, a kiss-ass phony who grovels at the feet of aged celebrities hoping to get his mug in the press and a job on television. Howard is just a boring old man who thinks his audience wants to hear about his sexual fantasies. Gross.

We know Howard likes to brag about being friends with Justin Theroux and Orlando Bloom, well then in that circle I am sure he has met the dog fighting to be on top, John Travolta, right? He looks like Beth so Howard must be in love with him.

Doesn't Howard also think we envy him since he landed a failed plus-size supermodel? Oh yes, the woman with zero talent that looks like she communes with the walking dead and is a bi-coastal red carpet hog famous for nothing but badgering the public for money for her personal foundation Bianca's Furry Friends (BFF) where she skims off the top and takes a salary to fund her lifestyle of rolling around on her back all day at Stalag Beth in the Hamptons, the prison kitten camp and selfie dungeon where she still thinks laying on her back and not moving for hours.

Beth is now in a routine of delivering kittens to people who are too lazy to go to their own local animal shelters and adopt a cat. Oh no, they need Hamptons cats that were selfied by Bethie, so they can have an awesome photo with the fathead wife of Howard Stern. Fuck those local cats, they want cats from Stalag Beth!! As usual, Bethie arrives by limo with a paid photographer in tow to show how famous she is as she is ferried back to her Instagram dream world of doing nothing but taking selfies all day and sitting in bathtubs and telling the public it's charity work since cats are in the photos.

So, Howard thinks he has real listeners of his radio show instead of trainspotters? It's killing Howard to be the butt of endless jokes and he can hardly bear leaving television [unless the show is filmed in a community property state] and can't bear to leave radio and just retire and stop bothering everyone. He is a giant canned ham, his audience could care less if he stays or leaves satellite since anyone subscribing to SiriusXM has hundreds of other channels to choose from that do not endlessly plug the mare they married or tell their audience how famous they are and don't need the job. 

And Bethie? Oh, we are envious because she endlessly exploits blind kittens because she is blind to the fact she has no life and no career but buying a ticket to a movie or a play and hogging a red carpet where Howard pays for a photographer to follow her around. She is saving her own dough for the day Stern buys the farm and she is left with nothing but her three stepdaughters who will hop on their brooms and proceed with legal actions to kick wife #2 out of their properties. 

Envious? Not much, no thank you. I don't want Howard's unholy three hounds from hell at my door once Howard kicks the bucket and buys a boat ride across the river Styx. I would start packing now and grab whatever I could and head for higher ground and wait out the storm.

Oh, yes, AGT was so envious of Howard that they dumped his ass and is moving the show back to Los Angeles. Everyone is envious of Howard Stern, okay fine. If I disagree then Howard would say I am envious of his life. That's a coping mechanism and how Howard survives on nothing otherwise he might throw himself off his balcony in the Village wearing a wig and dress so the neighbors will get a big show. We hope Howard remembers to leave a note before hurling himself over the edge and says the reason is because the entire world was too envious of his life so he ended it all. There, I just wrote the note for him. Then Beth will be forced to go back to her alleged job of holding down a seat in the basement of a Chinese restaurant waiting for someone to order takeout or to take her out.

Beth brings her own cow dyed a
pretty yellow color along with her
awesome slaughter industry
byproduct shoes to an
Animal Aid charity event.

Oh yes, aren't we envious of Beth the self proclaimed animal lover who proves it by wearing them on her feet and carrying them around in her man hands on those coveted red carpet appearances that Howard pays for while Howard pretends to live with the failed plus size model. Howard resides as one of the Village People with his long time companion Ralph Cirella. 

October 2011, Howard is
wearing a giant coat over
his costume because his
butt is bare. He has now
evolved as a radio DJ and
no longer moons an audience
from a stage but only moons
his gopher boys in private.

Oh, but Howard's radio show has changed since going to a pay service, right? He has evolved. He now has pre-approved scripted interviews with celebrities well past their shelf life or owe someone a favor as they climbed the fame ladder. Howard was forced to do this otherwise he would still be stuck with the D List comic circuit as regular guests on his stale show, like the racist Colin Quinn, for example, or that painfully unfunny 69 year old transsexual-looking Lisa Lampanelli. No, Howard moved on up, he is now with the real celebs, you know, fossilized Tony Bennett and Carol Burnett [who knew Beth's buddy Michael Cerveris in 'Fame' TV show]. And the musical stars who can't give away their latest stale dance music CDs like Madonna and Lady Gaga, oh yes, Howard has changed, and guess what, it doesn't matter. Gone are the naked girls just naked guys are in the studio and boring aged celebrities he interviews while begging Simon Cowell for a job on one of his shows and he got it all right, the summer filler D List show AGT, which he has just lost. Try and cope, Howard, maybe you can start filming more of those unaired TV pilots and prove you are still a dolt with no business in front of a TV camera.

Howard has always maintained that his huge 
clown thick frizzy wig was his real hair growing
out of his square head and everyone is envious of him.

However, Howard still does those moronic phony phone calls for morning zoo listeners from 1983 and all the gay skits and stunts where Howard laughs at them and lampoons gays and their lifestyle with Howard saying that they are gay because they never found their "Beth". Right, they could not find a giant wigged crone with a melted face who is under the delusion that it's her choice on whether to have human babies or not, gosh, what did Howard marry? Has he ever gone there? Right, Beth was in demand in NY yet not one person will come forward to admit they dated her.

Oh, the perfectly hetero Howard loves to talk about the gay community but is terrified of the transvestite and transgender communities because it hits right squarely in the center of his permed weave. Gotta stay away from those conversations, the gays are fine, Howard has publicly stated that he doesn't feel he's gay, yet he has shown that he is a transvestite who obsesses about women's clothing. It seems well known that his long time companion Ralph Cirella picks out his clothes every week and takes measurements and touches his body and dresses him while spending evenings huddled by the fireplace after ordering from Nobu and watching his Private Parts and trolling the internet to see if all his paid publicity pieces have been published then typing his own comments to the articles praising himself.

Stunning and flawless
Heidi Klum was at the
2015 Emmy Awards where
her show Project Runway
was nominated.

Howard also talked about the Emmy Awards that aired on Sunday night and how they are a big nothing. Well, duh, he was snubbed by the Emmy Awards every single year he was on AGT. No way are they nominating stooge Stern let alone let him win for that stale summer filler show with Howard married to that script that is handed to him for every broadcast. Pretty funny that Heidi Klum and Project Runway are always nominated and she won an Emmy Award in 2009 and 2013. 

The super celebrity and super lovely Amanda Peet married well and managed to avoid all aged dumped and divorced radio DJs as her husband's cable TV show Game of Thrones cleans up at the Emmy Awards.

Amanda Peet with her Game of Thrones superstar
 co-creator and writer husband.

The  beautiful and talented Queen Latifah was nominated for the lead role in the HBO movie "Bessie", the true story of the legendary blues singer Bessie Smith who was most popular in the 1920's and 30's. It won an Emmy on Sunday night for outstanding television movie and it was well deserved.

Happy Tuesday, Beth Fans, I won't be blogging for awhile unless Howard and Beth do something blog worthy.

#agt #travolta #ralph #cirella #dawgsaloon #dawgface #cats #oranges #ladygaga #latifah #emmys #heidi