If My Friends Could See Me Now

Will Beth be called once again to Hollywood to become famous? We know her super famous second job hubby is packing up for another taping in Los Angeles for that awesome scripted and staged reality show, "America's Got Talent" where he will try and stay vertical for more than four hours at a time, which he is not used to, what with his live commercial read schedule in NY for his satellite radio show before he runs into his little office for a giant self hypnosis session since a bit of reality crept into his permed weave during his broadcast.

We can't wait to see superstar Beth in LA running from photogs that aren't chasing her as she might try another restaurant sighting or horn in again on "Extra" TV with Howard's closeted buddy Mario Lopez as Beth's beck & call girl. We can't wait to see who will babysit Beth, no more Sam Simon to visit [can anyone get Ralph out of his mansion?] maybe Howard's old gal pal Mary McCormack will jump in and help out the flailing Beth and parade her around to get some press.

But we know Beth is playing out the melodrama with her alleged dying cat Apple and we are all waiting for her new foundation to be set up and hopefully garner more sympathy from the poor masses out there who think Beth gives a darn about any animal aside from herself. Seems the only way out of Stalag Beth is to stage cancer and leave through heaven's gate. 

Howard is getting sick of supporting the dolt so he is ever hopeful the public will continue to donate to Beth's foundation at the North Shore Animal League. Aren't we all hopeful poor Howard doesn't have to spend a dime of his own money to fund his money pit as she sits and stews inside the Hamptons Hellhole, Stalag Beth, as she waits for more kitten props to arrive to satisfy her selfie career.

Beth & Howard's buddy Rob Zombie is in LA with the final days of shooting his new upcoming blockbuster hit horror film "31" and we can't wait to see if Beth Buttinsky can finally score a movie role with RZ, I mean, can't he make her a star? Look what he did for his wife, the nose job, bleach, the nicotine addiction to kill the appetite and keep that pesky fat off those perfect thighs. Beth should step up her smoking schedule and stop with the shrimp and pasta for a few weeks and maybe RZ will give her a scream test. 

Cigarette sighting in Paris, June 2014.

RZ has a running theme for his characters' names in "31" and since psycho-head is already taken, Beth can be, what? Empty-head? The options are endless making Beth extremely castable in this horror flick destined for the film festival circuit before being screened to screaming midnight movie audiences across the nation with its final resting place as a director's cut available across the Internet and on your local cable TV provider.

Old Lady Madonna never disappoints with her clown outfits and was in LA pretending to love posing with the young hot recording artist Taylor Swift as Taylor won a bunch of awards at the iHeart Radio Music Awards held on 3/29/15.

This get-up defies description
and we love seeing Madonna's girdle
granny body shaper under that sheer
nightmare.

Happy Manicure Monday, Beth Fans

Remember to do your paws and claws never forgetting I exist to entertain you and delight you with my rarely kosher commentary on all things in the public domain that are fair game, but I never play fair.

#31 #mariolopez #agt #davidbowie

RIPOSA IN PACE

Good luck ousting
Beth's bully son off that
top shelf.

Sad, much? Uh, no, but Miss Beth has her best smirk-face expression as she tries to muster up some sadness remembering her days from acting and modeling school to try and come up with a sad face as her cat Apple seems to be facing that last climb up the big ladder of the cat tree to heaven [providing that fat bully Yoda the cat gets off the damn top shelf where his butt is always housed].

Let's fire up that press machine as the Lasix-eyed monster can try to muster some fake tears through those plugged tear ducts as Howard Stern scrambles to write a million press releases to have them ready when Big Apple buys the Big Casino. 

Yes, we remember that little story about Apple the cat, that was found in a crate somewhere at the North Shore Animal League, whose writers need to come up with better fake stories about how they acquire animals for Princess Bethie, whose lawyers set up her personal "Bianca's Furry Friends" foundation to fund Miss Nobody's fame quest and ensure the pest will not be ignored by the press or anyone as Howard fights to keep her alive in the news and portray himself as some cradle robber, providing everyone's cradle is stuffed with 30-something wannabees who latched onto an old fart for fame and fortune only to be stuck with the animal rescue gimmick to nowhere as she faces the big 5-0.

How many animals have to die before this bitch gets her own TV show? Come on folks, bulldog death didn't work, maybe a cat death since she wants a trillion dollars to fund an imaginary extension to house cats at an existing building at the North Shore Animal League where she skates off with dough as their national spokesperson.

Nobody will give Miss Leather Fake Tits
a permanent TV job?

Beth can now laugh at that Rainbow Bridge and all the dolts who fawn over their pets as she made evident on her one-shot canceled TV series for Nat Geo Wild called Spoiled Rotten Pets.

We all remember Miss Mentally Disabled trying to read from a script for her one shot on Animal Planet as a judge of the Ugliest Dog Contest held in California, no job offers came out of this? Nope.

Maybe go back to the wild, Bethie, and adopt a possum. Since Howard is obsessed with naming all Beth's phony foster kittens after food products, this one can be called Road Kill Dinner Loaf:

Ever see what's in the basement of Stalag Beth in the Hamptons? Many enter, few leave.

Obscure Object of Rejection

Don't you know how famous Beth is? Don't you know she CHOSE to hoard cats for selfies then dump them onto all those same foster families in the New York and New Jersey areas? Don't you know she was a famous unknown international model?

Beth had to post on her Instagram site on 3/26/15, a photo shopped photo of herself from a defunct magazine called FHM, to prove she was a famous model before existing on lockdown at Stalag Beth. Sal the Stockbroker [who is now Sal Sirius on the payroll working for Stern] made a joke on Howard's radio show and broadcast on the now defunct Howard TV, that he [or someone] said it stands for "Found Howard's Money". Well, the magazine quickly folded in the U.S. and eventually shut down its digital versions too and so did Beth's big modeling career.

Beth must be bored and perusing the BFP since I included a portion of that photo above from FHM in a blog entry from last year about "kitten post haters", so I guess I gave Beth the idea to include the whole photo not the chopped version.
http://bethfanpage.blogspot.com/2014/07/beth-vs-haters.html

Obviously Beth is mentally ill thinking actual kitten post haters want to see Beth's fat ass in a bikini, but I guess there is a perversion for everyone.

Howard funded Beth's big modeling career too late, she was already well into her 30's, not a young innocent thing [thing is not an expression, she really is a thing of unknown origin]. Howard kept announcing a birthday party each year of when Beth was turning the big 3-0 for three years running, so Howard shaves off about three years from Beth's old age as well as shaving off her private parts while Beth says she sits in a sitz bath three times a day. 

Howard wants her to clean her rarely vertical ass while satisfying his little kid bathtub fetish as in, underage girls in a bathtub, thus his "Babysitter" porn that he talks about frequently on his rarely live satellite radio show; some life that Beth has, sitting around waiting to be launched by Howard Stern, who is having problems of his own staying relevant, when his relevancy expired in 1998.

Miami, March 26, 2015, Reggie Bush
interviewed at SiriusXM's UMF Radio
broadcast live from the SiriusXM Music
Lounge at W Hotel.

So, is Howard being shipped out of Manhattan and into Florida? SiriusXM is there with a huge event featuring the still famous Paris Hilton, who is still in demand and getting all expenses paid to transport herself all over the place appearing at clubs and corporate events here and there while Beth haunts the Meredith Vieira show, having been there on March 18 and March 23, with a tentative air date of April Fool's Day with her segment already pre-taped since Beth can't string two words together without index cards to read from and a million do-overs since she can't remain vertical for more than two hours at a time.

Still in demand and still under 40, Paris makes the scene in Miami at the SiriusXM UMF Radio live broadcast on 3/26/15. Are those kitten ears she's wearing? Wow, Beth has a cat ears outfit and new corporate digs in Florida and was still an Objet d'reject. 

Yes, Beth is still stuck with the foster cats as there was a hold up with a foster family all lined up to pretend to be adopted parents of the sickly animals. Anyone who follows Beth on Twitter and Instagram knows Beth has a problem keeping the foster kittens healthy, with one having a broken leg after falling off a high shelf in her posh animal activist closet filled with a bunch of dead animal skins with designer labels and one kitten dying shortly after being dumped onto a foster home somewhere in New Jersey.

Hey, Bethie, time to fire up the old man and get some more phony airbrushed photos of yourself in some magazines and stuff them in newsstands where they are free to unemployable coffee drinkers who are fresh out of AA.

Friday Political Point

From the website of Debbie Schlussel [www.debbieschlussel.com] who has never hid the fact that Amal Almudlelddedenen Clooney is pro-Palestine and anti Israel, recently published an article about Amal accepting a teaching position at Columbia University. To quote Debbie from her article, for those who are "hot for teacher" probably would've been hot for Eva Braun too. But wait, Stern married into a Nazi family right? Howard is hot for Frau Beth, mistress of Stalag Beth, hot for teacher indeed, hot for babysitter sans the baby...omg.

This blogger maintains Howard Stern is terrified to point out the truth; he is terrified of offending Princess Clooney of Hollywood, where Howard has always been considered a giant nobody yet he fawns over Anal Amal, downplaying her dreams of being famous in America while being anti-Israel while political Howard is very vocal about being pro-Israel with his hippy dippy eldest daughter chanting and floating around her house high as a kite, like granny Stern with the meditation then chanting around the house floating on a cloud of incense with granddad in a dress, much like her father...wow, oh, but Stern sits in Casamigos resort two years in a row, desperate to kiss Clooney ass. What is Howard? A phony. He stands for nothing and sits around reading tons of commercials he is paid to read while desperate for fame.

A few of the comments to the article written by Debbie on March 10 about Amal becoming a Columbia University professor are printed below. 

The comments below are NOT from this blogger but from Debbie's readers. In fact, Bethie sounds a lot like Amal in the "looks" department and something about a marriage being a sham:

We would love someone to print the truth about how Howard really feels about that horse he married, the man in drag, or is that Howard? Birds of a feather....happy Friday Beth Fans, early bird catches the wormhole.

Stiller on the Stale Stern Show

If anyone bothered to listen to Howard Stern's stale satellite radio show on Wednesday, we heard from his old friend Mr. Botox with the permanent smirk, Ben Stiller. 

However, I don't think Howard told the story of him getting Beth that two minute role in Ben's loser indie film, Flirting With Disaster (1996). Howard likes to switch it around inferring that Ben dated Beth at the time, and that's how she got that role when in reality, Howard knew Beth for years while still married to his wife Alison. He hoped to make her famous on her own before he arranged an official meeting. Joan Rivers even said this publicly, post divorce, that Howard would come up with a new persona, that of a tortured lonely man and would script his relationship adventures moving forward.

By the time Private Parts (1997) was released in theaters, the devoted love birds had already separated and Howard hoped to shop around before getting stuck with Beth. He separated from her for a time period when he raced to the Playboy Mansion in Los Angeles to broadcast his stale radio show from there trying to collect the phone numbers of a few of the models' agents, but no one took Stern's bait, so he was back with Beth O, a name Howard gave her to use as her modeling monicker since no one knows what an Ostrosky is, and they still don't. Fred confirmed this on the radio show during the History of Howard Stern radio broadcast series when he said he and Beth split up and later 'got back together'.

Insiders close to the story reportedly stated that Howard was having dinner with Ben at Nobu when Howard introduced his mutual friend of Vinnie Favale, Beth Ostrosky. That's how Howard met Beth via Vinnie when she was trolling around New York, rooming with her Broadway buddies, and stalked the Letterman Show. She got various bit parts, did stagehand work, went on cattle calls for modeling jobs when she finally got work at the Letterman show via Vinnie Favale who loved Beth. Much later, Howard scripted the official meet-up at Mercer Kitchen. But that's how suddenly Miss Beth O is in a Ben Stiller movie, Flirting With Disaster for about two minutes of screen time when Ben is a known snobby little creep, you don't just drop into a Ben Stiller movie without connections and the only way Beth was getting near snobby Stiller was via Stern.

Howard thought his chunky 'model' 
Beth would be a star before he put her
on the payroll.

Beth didn't get another movie gig until 2000 when she was giving her former boyfriend Brian Van Holt a lackluster awkward kiss at the end of the Amanda Peet film, Whipped (2000). A few times on Howard's radio show he talked about this movie and he was angry saying on the air something about Amanda being jealous of Beth inferring her role was much bigger than just at the very end before the credits roll. Howard tried to wine and dine Amanda to get Beth a role in her film. Amanda snubbed Howard at a party in front of other guests which sent the dejected DJ reeling with anger and embarrassment. It was Brian who got Beth that tiny two second part at the end of the film, not Howard. Brian was dating Amanda Peet and she allowed Beth that tiny cameo at the end of her movie as a favor to Brian.

Beth was already dating Howard Stern but he failed to
get Beth these 5-seconds of screen time. It was Beth's buddy
Brian who starred in the film with Amanda Peet that got
Beth the cameo appearance.

Beth was already living a few blocks from Howard's married Manhattan man cave and would frequent his penthouse as confirmed by her friend Claudia Chan (Today Show relationship expert, among other things) who lived opposite Howard's apartment on the penthouse floor and she was friendly with Howard and even friendlier with her buddy Beth. 

Eventually Beth moved permanently into Howard's apartment around 1998/99 when the divorce was finalized and ended Stern's dull marriage to wife #1 who wanted out before Stern financed another film and bankrupted all their little chicks in the nest on Long Island. 

Contrary to what Howard Stern spouts on his radio show, it was not an easy breakup, as several news sources reported it was a nasty battle with Stern losing everything but his own penthouse in Manhattan with Beth stuck in it and Alison the ex got everything else. 

Photo posted on Beth's Instagram 3/25/15
with her phony foster kitten shoved
in her closet as usual and takes a picture.
Beth is a self proclaimed animal activist
and has them made into all sorts of posh leather
goods and dyed various colors.

Alison and Howard's Hamptons home was sold and Stern rented until he could finally purchase property and build Stalag Beth for Beth O, which is Beth's prison for captured kittens in the Hamptons before she dumps them onto a bunch of the same foster families paid to be a front for Beth to show the woman is doing something, we don't know what, except she is desperate to be a model so she takes selfies 24/7 while Howard keeps airbrushing the hell out of her photos and publishing them online. 

Howard moved his girlfriend Beth permanently into his apartment and purchased several beneath his because he didn't want that same married life he had with Alison. Howard thought that buying Beth her own place beneath his penthouse would suffice, but she wanted marriage and finally got it. 

Beth finally admitted on an appearance on The View that she would be "all for it" if Stern suddenly decided to have a kid with her even though she was smirking at her so-called friends with the tons of failed IVF treatments. But everyone says that Beth has it the way she wants it, the star of the show in Howard's world as he proves he is "emotionally stable" as he said on his radio show, by having a steady galpal who he finally married. Now Howard scrambles to stay on the straight and narrow road as he keeps paying tons of money to make his now-still not famous wife a star while keeping all camps quiet with plenty of cabbage flowing down that river into the Trust Fund accounts.

Well, I guess this is confirmation Meredith Vieira got Beth to leave the building as she was photographed on March 18 to tape a segment for her canceled TV show. Yes, March 18, makes you wonder where Beth is since she has to wait and dole out photos on her media sites to make it look like she's a busy celeb instead of being homebound, sitting and waiting for her little iPhone to ring. 

Beth claimed on Instagram that her segment was airing late this week, meaning 3/26 or 3/27; now she posted a comment stating she was bumped [my word, not hers] until the first week in April. Ha, keep dragging those cats around Beth since that's all you have to talk about on Meredith's canceled daytime TV show since you are not famous for anything but marrying a fired terrestrial radio DJ who finally horned in on a corporate summer filler TV show.



#vinnie #letterman #nobu #benstiller #flirtingwithdisaster #whipped #amandapeet #howardstern

#howhowardmetbeth

Mr. Politician

Howard Stern has made it clear
that he wants no children with
this wig stand who loves to point
at things to show off that
cloudy diamond ring.

On Tuesday's stale satellite radio show, Howard Stern spouted his big political opinions once again, and Stern is a big cheerleader for abortions since only the elite can have kids not the poor masses right Howard? Yet both Howard and Beth are suddenly self-proclaimed animal activists yet they both are against euthanasia to control the animal population. Figure that out.

For some reason Howard refuses to raise anymore human non-earners [he's got three grown non-earners and doesn't need anymore drag on the Trust Funds] and nobody is sure his prize mare can have a foal of her own anyway, so what you can't have you don't want, typical Howard Stern, yet he doesn't want anyone else having kids either yet loudly proclaims he loves to watch babysitter porn where the father fucks the babysitter [played by a porno actress portraying a teenager], so where does this baby come from that needs a babysitter so Howard can pretend he is the father fucking the babysitter? Don't we need to control the human population and stop with the babies and put babysitters out of business? But, Howard keeps harping on his obsession with babysitter porn, but where are the babies? Aborted right? Then why the obsession with fucking babysitters? Well, this is Stern's platform, abort the babies and keep the babysitters. Yes, Howard is fucked up in the head.

Howard likes to pretend he married a young fertile filly, not an aged cottage cheese nobody has-been never was, celebrity wannabee, and suddenly the self proclaimed celebrity couple are all about animal adoption, since that is the only way to keep Beth's face in the press, since she does nothing, and is unmarketable in all aspects of human endeavour. 

Well, you can't keep posing with a million foster kids and post the photos on Instagram, but you can keep snatching kittens for a few weeks of selfies before dumping them onto real foster homes as documented on Beth's Instagram and Facebook set up to push her own foundation, Bianca's Furry Friends while Beth pays zero in the care and feeding of those kittens she houses then dumps onto other people who are stuck with the care, feeding, and vet bills for years to come.

The unknown pariah Beth would have no reason to post photos of herself on Instagram if she didn't have the phony kitten foster gimmick. Yes, Beth we see you can photoshop yourself into skinny jeans when you are of monstrous proportions and can't get a clothing contract to save your life like the superstar supermodel Heidi Klum who you are jealous of and has the career you always wanted.

Why? Because she is a paid spokesperson for the North Shore Animal League and they set up her kitten room at Stalag Beth in the Hamptons and likes to photograph the cats rummaging around her closets filled with designer clothes, shoes, and hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of leather products to push into our faces to show how rich she is hoping the gals back home are jealous of the dolt who was expelled from college, why? Oh, didn't she buy exam answers, oh right you were set up by the mean kids. But wasn't she also ejected from school when a teacher found doughnut crumbs that led to a closet where Beth the babysitter was going down on teacher's husband? Didn't Beth make up the giant lie she was being sent to Europe to model? Well, where are the photos Bethie? Gone with the wind? Lost in the fire? Sunk with the Titanic? Your hamster ate them? Your mom is holding them for ransom and the reason you will always re-emerge on some shitty TV show forcing Howard Stern to fund your lost dreams of stardom? Your brothers forgot to cut them out and save them from the European Union Gazette? These are questions only Beth can answer and she is silent on the subject.

Can you believe Mr. Tranny Stern
loves to watch babysitter porn and is
pro-abortion yet is married to that fugly sheman
sitting there dressed as Santa who
is anti-abortion and pro-animal
adoption yet anti-human adoption?

Then we have Beth's husband, Mr. Straight, ha ha, let me fall of my chair laughing while I pull up that xmas card of Stern in drag and his stooge wife as a man in a Santa costume...oh, I want political advice from the peanut gallery, thanks, Howard, we know where to go when we want advice on abortions and gun control, well Stern is against that, he never knows when Beth's trolley will jump the track and she goes full psycho and Howard will have to defend his wig. Oh, but we still need to know from Howard who is fat in show business, he is an expert on that topic. 

Oh yes, Mr. Thyroid with alleged prostate cancer is telling us who is fat in the entertainment business. Tell that to your shrink Howard while your head shrinks into that over inflated weave sitting atop that pinhead. So who had cancer, Howard? You or Miss Robin Quivers? Miss Robin is the size of the Hindenburg and Stern is decrepit with a bulging stomach and no eyebrows...facelift or chemo or both?

Now go out and make this a great day and live it the Howard Stern way: yes to abortions [e.g., Beth], no to gun control [how else can Howard claim self defense when the cops show up?...legal gun ownership you know, the psycho wife was on the premises and wigged out], yes to gay marriage but don't lift one finger to help anyone or donate cash to help any causes or organizations that are getting laws passed for marriage equality, just sit there and say all this stuff but do nothing but continue to hide from photogs as you dart around the city pushing your selfie articles onto all the media outlets.

Old Fart Man

Howard Stern is in a frizzy permed weaved tizzy about his lack of any job offers in print, or anywhere on the internet like that famous site that knows everything, TMZ, that can ferret out anything but has yet to ferret out any job offers with Howard Stern's name on them.

Howard is an old fart now, he is in his declining years, physically and mentally having to still put up that front that he is going to therapy so anything he says or does, he has an excuse. As Mia Farrow said about her ex boyfriend Woody Allen, who had all his bases covered when anything negative came out in the press, with the source being Mia Farrow, oh, he's into therapy, he's obsessed with his mom, so everything is fine, he's working out his problems.

So now Larry King is writing material for Howard, as Larry said it first about wanting to be on the E Channel show, Fashion Police. Well, Stern copies Larry as both Kings are old farts married to old hags who lie about their ages under a ton of bleached hair extensions and somehow it keeps the old guys from jumping off the nearest short pier into the ocean of long gone dreams of stardom. At least Larry King was famous for his scripted CNN interviews with celebs whereas we wish Howard the King Old Fart of all Media would hire script writers instead of writing all his wikipedia copy himself and using jokes and bits from 1985 in between selling his airtime to tons of low rent advertisers.

Oh, gee, after we get old lady Madonna to scurry into the Stern satellite dish for a big interview hoping to not fall on her ass, what do we get to follow up such a superstar? OH, an interview with a guy who fucked a Florida dolphin and wrote about it in a self-published book; no, not the football team, but the aquatic team of perverts who are from the Howard Stern era and should have been booked on his show in 1984 when his terrestrial bosses could've fired his ass for allowing a jerk to phone it in from a dark cell wearing a straitjacket.

No, not the Sundance Film Festival in Utah, but the Slamdance Film Festival in Utah, where a 15-minute too long "short" documentary was shown to accepting audiences. Howard Stern is all about love and acceptance. He wants an award for indulging old farts who call into his satellite radio show yet he refuses to indulge in reality, that he's a dinosaur that has fossilized and should be processed and pumped through the Alaskan pipeline and dumped into the ocean where a cleanup crew can save the seagulls covered in Stern sludge.

A quit snapshot artist caught the rarely vertical
Beth looking like shit while looking
down at a kitten as shown
on her Instagram site 3/18/15.

Meanwhile, Stern's wife [who has all her straitjackets at the dry cleaners at the moment] is posting scary photos on her Instagram site and it's not even Halloween yet. We love the torn earlobe look, the makeup that is a week old along with pouring some fresh bleach on what's left of her real hair as her bag and sag face is in desperate need of some facelift tape hidden under fresh hair extensions but then we are not sure when her big TV appearance will happen since we hear she wants to haunt the canceled Meredith Vieira show before the tape runs out of the machine.




Happy Thursday as you plan your early weekend lounging around the ol' homestead with a favorite friend. Oh, and we know why several gossip sites never seem to disappear, the source of many a blind item is a super rich... ummm...socialite, who knows anybody who is anybody around the globe like Heidi Klum, Cindy Crawford [rumored to host lesbian parties of the highest order] and tons of other important famous models and actors and actresses and singers, yet so far, no one has uncovered a photo of Nobody Beth and Obscure Stern with the "it" woman of our day.

Maximum Beth

Oh, please don't keep asking Beth about being a Maxim magazine girl when she hogs a red carpet!! Yes, according to Kathy Griffin, Monday's featured boring old lady guest on Howard Stern's satellite radio show.

We know Miss Beth has moved on from that and has moved on with her big lie, I mean, big life and is super famous for being a phony foster mother who divides her empty hours between her house in the Hamptons and her Manhattan apartments alone in her closet with some homeless cat she photogs to near death before dumping her discards onto pigeon foster families.

Miss Nobody appeared on the Maxim magazine website when she was recently named something like #98 out of #100 hot women, when Stern paid for that piece of shit publicity. Years ago she was on their website publicizing one of her weddings to Howard Stern. According to Beth they were married in August 2008 in the Hamptons with a media corporate wedding at a tourist trap restaurant in NY in October 2008. The inebriated Beth could barely stay vertical for the ceremony as she was dragged out by Stern shortly after the Jewish nuptials leaving guests to party on at the bar with free radiated fish to chomp on before grabbing their walkers and going home.

Howard Stern had the nerve
to grill Griffin over her
cheesecake photos saying they
were all photo shopped
as if his prize aged
cheese is not photo shopped
into oblivion.

Also on Monday's radio show, Howard Stern cringed and made a million horrible sounds when Kathy Griffin was talking about her flat natural breasts when she posed for some naked shots and did the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge. We all can't have giant implants, Howard, like your prize nobody, that are placed too low on her man sized chest and are crooked and droopy. Where are Beth's naked photos? Oh, too many plastic surgery scars and puckers and stretch marks have to be covered up and hidden. Howard took 5,000 photos of his prize mare about four years ago and was done. He now doles them out whenever he can pay some idiot publication to print them somewhere.

According to the almost fired before she quit Kathy Griffin, on Howard Stern's dullfest satellite radio show on Monday, Kathy stated that she knows the trauma of walking a red carpet and knows Beth is tired of being asked about "Maxim" and is known for other things now. Oh poor Beth! Yes, when the dolt can score a red carpet appearance, how? By buying a movie ticket, that's how, she is never invited on any red carpet, and Kathy has to kiss Stern ass or she will not be the new neverending old lady guest to take the place of the deceased Joan Rivers.

The unemployable dolt hogged a red carpet with her husband Howard Stern. The woman is not on America's Got Talent, she is no part of the show yet barges on the red carpet with her overly long torso and short legs and dick showing so Stern can show he's married and not a closeted homophobic cross dresser who obsesses about celebrities nonstop and wished he was famous for something other than being an idiot.

Not for the squeamish, I know,
yet nobody has seen Beth in a candid photo
in a bikini on the beach; she covers up
and hides her massive tree truck legs
and fat ass from the public's view.

Oh, and poor whiny Kathy who harped and harped on how great she is, and how on Fashion Police she was begging producers to post a photo of Meryl Streep from the Oscars since she is a mature woman, talented and looked gorgeous on the red carpet only to have them instead post pictures of young stars who are actually under 60 years old...my gosh. Oh, poor Kathy did not want to insult celebs! Yep, Kathie thinks she's too young [at 54] to start insulting celebrities aside from her stand up comedy act, which she claims is different as Joan's career was over so it was okay to insult celebs...gibberish, I know, but she is circling the drain as her giant facelifted hairline is retreating into oblivion.

Kathy is a pompous-assed jerk, a hagatha with a payola boyfriend who looks like he sees ghosts. We all had to suffer through another Stern interview and hear about the granny sex that Howard is so obsessed with admitting he is ALONE and not interested anymore in self pleasure, oh gee, the fun is gone since Ralphie Cirella wasn't around and Howard's lone wolf shemale wife was in the Hamptons, you know, the couple that is never apart yet Howard is always alone.

Anyone who follows Beth's Instagram
and Bianca's Furry Friends Facebook can
plainly see Beth dumps her phony
foster cats onto the same families who have to find
these kittens a home somewhere in the black hole
of phony animal shelter gimmicks.

Well Miss Loser is back in Manhattan after dumping another cat on the same foster family as documented on her Instagram site, for any dolt who is interested, you can check for yourself, as I have long said, she is using the same families over and over because, why? Beth is a fake and a phony, she has nothing to justify badgering the public for dough to fund an invisible addition to a building to house a bunch of homeless cats at the charity that pays her salary, the North Shore Animal League (NSAL), where rich aged hags dump their unwanted inbred animals, you know, when Princess Purebred gets out of the mansion and mates with the neighbor's cross bred nothing, what to do with the litter? Oh, call NSAL.

No more "Ringo-isms" that John Lennon
and McCartney could make into real songs.

This has-been never seems to go way, as Ringo Starr is back performing dragging along Barbara Bach with the giant pot-shaped head, as we love finding her old modeling photos from, when? Try 1965, as we sit and cackle about her fake age she told Ringo when she snagged him years ago with her one moment of fame as a Bond girl. So, she got the stupid Beatle, not the brainy talented one [Yoko got the best one], not the plagiarist, not the one that is still writing 3rd grader songs [Wonderful Christmastime (?)], but a Beatle is a Beatle, can't argue with that. Her career was going nowhere and she needed to score a dope, or a doper, whichever came first.

17? How about 21.

Is it finally Beth Tuesday? She is in town with the big phony foster cat as Howard Stern pretends to have sex with the wife as we try for phony baby #5 and prove his wife is still young and fertile at 45 years old and not an aged hagatha who chose nothing over nothing but settling with a famous idiot on the radio; well it was either Stern or nothing, and Beth got both.