If My Friends Could See Me Now

Will Beth be called once again to Hollywood to become famous? We know her super famous second job hubby is packing up for another taping in Los Angeles for that awesome scripted and staged reality show, "America's Got Talent" where he will try and stay vertical for more than four hours at a time, which he is not used to, what with his live commercial read schedule in NY for his satellite radio show before he runs into his little office for a giant self hypnosis session since a bit of reality crept into his permed weave during his broadcast.

We can't wait to see superstar Beth in LA running from photogs that aren't chasing her as she might try another restaurant sighting or horn in again on "Extra" TV with Howard's closeted buddy Mario Lopez as Beth's beck & call girl. We can't wait to see who will babysit Beth, no more Sam Simon to visit [can anyone get Ralph out of his mansion?] maybe Howard's old gal pal Mary McCormack will jump in and help out the flailing Beth and parade her around to get some press.

But we know Beth is playing out the melodrama with her alleged dying cat Apple and we are all waiting for her new foundation to be set up and hopefully garner more sympathy from the poor masses out there who think Beth gives a darn about any animal aside from herself. Seems the only way out of Stalag Beth is to stage cancer and leave through heaven's gate. 

Howard is getting sick of supporting the dolt so he is ever hopeful the public will continue to donate to Beth's foundation at the North Shore Animal League. Aren't we all hopeful poor Howard doesn't have to spend a dime of his own money to fund his money pit as she sits and stews inside the Hamptons Hellhole, Stalag Beth, as she waits for more kitten props to arrive to satisfy her selfie career.

Beth & Howard's buddy Rob Zombie is in LA with the final days of shooting his new upcoming blockbuster hit horror film "31" and we can't wait to see if Beth Buttinsky can finally score a movie role with RZ, I mean, can't he make her a star? Look what he did for his wife, the nose job, bleach, the nicotine addiction to kill the appetite and keep that pesky fat off those perfect thighs. Beth should step up her smoking schedule and stop with the shrimp and pasta for a few weeks and maybe RZ will give her a scream test. 

Cigarette sighting in Paris, June 2014.

RZ has a running theme for his characters' names in "31" and since psycho-head is already taken, Beth can be, what? Empty-head? The options are endless making Beth extremely castable in this horror flick destined for the film festival circuit before being screened to screaming midnight movie audiences across the nation with its final resting place as a director's cut available across the Internet and on your local cable TV provider.

Old Lady Madonna never disappoints with her clown outfits and was in LA pretending to love posing with the young hot recording artist Taylor Swift as Taylor won a bunch of awards at the iHeart Radio Music Awards held on 3/29/15.

This get-up defies description
and we love seeing Madonna's girdle
granny body shaper under that sheer
nightmare.

Happy Manicure Monday, Beth Fans

Remember to do your paws and claws never forgetting I exist to entertain you and delight you with my rarely kosher commentary on all things in the public domain that are fair game, but I never play fair.

#31 #mariolopez #agt #davidbowie