Old Fart Man

Howard Stern is in a frizzy permed weaved tizzy about his lack of any job offers in print, or anywhere on the internet like that famous site that knows everything, TMZ, that can ferret out anything but has yet to ferret out any job offers with Howard Stern's name on them.

Howard is an old fart now, he is in his declining years, physically and mentally having to still put up that front that he is going to therapy so anything he says or does, he has an excuse. As Mia Farrow said about her ex boyfriend Woody Allen, who had all his bases covered when anything negative came out in the press, with the source being Mia Farrow, oh, he's into therapy, he's obsessed with his mom, so everything is fine, he's working out his problems.

So now Larry King is writing material for Howard, as Larry said it first about wanting to be on the E Channel show, Fashion Police. Well, Stern copies Larry as both Kings are old farts married to old hags who lie about their ages under a ton of bleached hair extensions and somehow it keeps the old guys from jumping off the nearest short pier into the ocean of long gone dreams of stardom. At least Larry King was famous for his scripted CNN interviews with celebs whereas we wish Howard the King Old Fart of all Media would hire script writers instead of writing all his wikipedia copy himself and using jokes and bits from 1985 in between selling his airtime to tons of low rent advertisers.

Oh, gee, after we get old lady Madonna to scurry into the Stern satellite dish for a big interview hoping to not fall on her ass, what do we get to follow up such a superstar? OH, an interview with a guy who fucked a Florida dolphin and wrote about it in a self-published book; no, not the football team, but the aquatic team of perverts who are from the Howard Stern era and should have been booked on his show in 1984 when his terrestrial bosses could've fired his ass for allowing a jerk to phone it in from a dark cell wearing a straitjacket.

No, not the Sundance Film Festival in Utah, but the Slamdance Film Festival in Utah, where a 15-minute too long "short" documentary was shown to accepting audiences. Howard Stern is all about love and acceptance. He wants an award for indulging old farts who call into his satellite radio show yet he refuses to indulge in reality, that he's a dinosaur that has fossilized and should be processed and pumped through the Alaskan pipeline and dumped into the ocean where a cleanup crew can save the seagulls covered in Stern sludge.

A quit snapshot artist caught the rarely vertical
Beth looking like shit while looking
down at a kitten as shown
on her Instagram site 3/18/15.

Meanwhile, Stern's wife [who has all her straitjackets at the dry cleaners at the moment] is posting scary photos on her Instagram site and it's not even Halloween yet. We love the torn earlobe look, the makeup that is a week old along with pouring some fresh bleach on what's left of her real hair as her bag and sag face is in desperate need of some facelift tape hidden under fresh hair extensions but then we are not sure when her big TV appearance will happen since we hear she wants to haunt the canceled Meredith Vieira show before the tape runs out of the machine.




Happy Thursday as you plan your early weekend lounging around the ol' homestead with a favorite friend. Oh, and we know why several gossip sites never seem to disappear, the source of many a blind item is a super rich... ummm...socialite, who knows anybody who is anybody around the globe like Heidi Klum, Cindy Crawford [rumored to host lesbian parties of the highest order] and tons of other important famous models and actors and actresses and singers, yet so far, no one has uncovered a photo of Nobody Beth and Obscure Stern with the "it" woman of our day.