Dips & Dives

Looking for Howard Stern? He was a giant dip on Wednesday night managing to just about tie with CBS in the ratings race with that dippy show America's Got Talent (AGT).

Howard Stern is filmed in the dark with CGI effects to hide the fact he is SIXTY and facing a golden parachute as he judges a Snapple infomercial for NBC and manages to keep afloat after taking a dive being shipped off to pay radio which is a corporate hive of busy bees so the Stern show can do no damage to the bottom line of total subscribers.

Since Howard is an expert on the past, knowing how everyone on the planet found their wives except for Beth [dates keep changing on that one], when Howard was on his 30 day tear desperate to get free of Bulldog Bethie, I wonder why he didn't end up with his former girlfriend, who had a major crush on Stern and it was common knowledge "back in the day" he fooled around while married with good ol' Sally. I say fooled around, since Howard can produce nothing outside of 112 Productions and half the reason Beth has failed in the bedroom to deliver anything but tall tales.

God knows Sally is Howard's type. The giant blonde wig, wide apart cavernous breast implants, and the red lipstick; she totally looks like Beth.

There might be hope yet for our porky princess with Pirelli, isn't that a tire company? Howard sports a spare tire hidden under those oversized clown suits he wears on AGT, so maybe Beth has a shot at a calendar sans animals for 2015, which is her dream come true since her prior calendars are still sitting in the Stern Archival Gallery in the Hamptons while Beth's personal website has been abandoned since she failed to sell anything. 

Beth did a phone call interview from Germany with a Pittsburgh paper
yet we haven't yet found those European modeling photos and 
Beth won't print any of them herself to show her fan.

Cigars & Charred Cows

Cigars and charred, dead cows were the main course for a fundraiser for the Beth Fund at Prime Restaurant in New York for a second year in a row.

Cigar atmosphere at the July 30, 2014, Hamptons Magazine's celebration, A Gold Coast Affair at Prime Restaurant to benefit the North Shore Animal League in Huntington, New York. 

Beth hams it up at Prime Restaurant for her little money collection event, that seems to be an annual event for her to fund her clothing and rental car budget for the rest of the year. She continues to wear the enormous huge dresses to cover up those spanx bandages and is trying to minimize those wandering breast implants with a sports bra under those thick wide straps and dress covering up that crooked cleavage.

Last year she had the nerve to sell her one-shot loser book at the event, which was written in 2010; Howard can't unload these so I suppose a second book is out of the question for now.

Yes, her bulldog died two years ago, even though in the current issue of "Whirl" Magazine [whirlmagazine.com], Beth thinks her dog died four years ago, but it was her book that was DOA four years ago in 2010; Bianca died in 2012, the Bianca's Furry Friends Foundation was formed in 2013, not 2010 as the Whirl article also states; it is just a jumbled mess of errors, isn't it? Beth has a severe problem with dates in her football head as well as a problem with telling the truth. 

Photo from Whirl Magazine 2013 announcing
her foundation and her dead dog urn
is in the background.

But hey maybe Bianca died in 2010 and Beth paraded around a stand-in bulldog until 2012 which was the year she incinerated the bulldog and threw it in a giant urn and posed by it in her bedroom wearing a polyester frock trying to drive old men crazy.  

It was in 2013 that Beth announced the Beth Fund, to get Beth a name on a building at the North Shore Animal League, the charity that employs her as their spokesperson, yes, a useless job for a useless person obsessed with herself. It took those sharp attorneys about six months to get the scheme going and Beth has never looked back. This is her new job, asking for money from the public to fund her dream, yet Howard Stern funded his own dream of a 52 million dollar home in Florida away from his wife. I guess Howard has no cash left over for Miss Bethie to fund her salary and keep her away from his Manhattan Man Cave and his closeted wigs.


Beth was so super famous at the charred cow diner collecting money for herself that she missed the AGT post-show red carpet event, where Heidi Klum and Mel B still had to basically cover up and hide due to massive negative comments from the group with split personalities and those in group homes waiting for god.

America's Got Talent (AGT) post show red carpet event with the almost covered up Heidi and Mel B so as not to offend big Beth or flabby Stern and his fan base of 70+ seniors in group homes with a Nielsen cable box.

Speaking of AGT, Beth's Meal Ticket is getting pretty thin, not only in the hairline but in the ratings race as NBC's Food Fighters continues to save the night as a lead in show for America's Got Talent (AGT) which is a steady flatliner thanks to the power of Howard Stern.

Meanwhile, Manic Depressive Beth goes from french kissing animals to crying in her frozen pizza about how she misses them going to a foster home, then runs around the house with a camera frantically finding more corners of her madhouse to take a picture of herself to post on her stupid media sites.

#prime #primerestaurant #hamptons #heidiklum #agt

The Beauties vs Beth

Listeners of the Howard Stern pay radio show with a million commercials will remember a short time ago that Howard ranted and raved about the "girls", Heidi Klum and Mel B on America's Got Talent (AGT) sniping at them saying that the only reason they were hired was for their looks, and nothing else, even commenting that their short skirts bothered him hidden under the AGT judges table since no one could see their legs except Howard. 

Being around real girls in short skirts must be driving him wild; he wishes he was the girl in the mini skirt. A cross dresser has problems with stress and actually needs to spend time in women's clothing to ease tension. So no wonder Heidi and Mel B drive Howard mad, but we all go a little mad sometimes.

Beth is a Clydesdale next to Heidi and Mel B, and Beth is an old nobody, never-was, with saggy lumpy bizarre looking uneven breast implants...yes, BETHIE was JEALOUS and screamed that those girls should cover up for the AGT competition...oh, don't forget, Howard didn't diss the girls, it was Howard's MOTHER who had a problem with them. Yes, it was Howard using his MOTHER'S VOICE complained about "the girls". We all know Howard is jealous of those GIRLS who are super famous beauties who were hired by AGT producers to try and salvage whatever seasons the show has left since Howard Stern won't leave.

Cover up girls, Howard is angry that his wife, Bulldog Bethie, looks fat next to you; oh, and you are making Howard Stern's fan base angry, namely, his 98 year old mother...

Heidi & Mel B, at the live taping of AGT 7/29/14

Howard hates Heidi with her stellar modeling career, getting on countless covers of magazines and Bethie screaming and crying since Howard failed to get her anything but local crap like "Whirl" magazine from Pittsburgh. Poor Bethie, who got nothing but a married man with mental problems who was living in the basement playing dress up with his boyfriend staring at a fish tank while real models had to be reminded who Howard was before they ran to the nearest courthouse for a restraining order. Not only was Beth a failure as a model but a failure in the bedroom producing nothing but negatives she now stores in a vault. The only thing fertile about Beth is her imagination that lurks under those wigs and botox bumps on her head.

Howard is super jealous of Mel B, who was in one of the biggest pop bands in history...okay, Beth, do we "know" how Mel got that job? Just based on her looks? Well, Beth, judging by your looks and zero talent, in your case it was all about the CASH and how much you could afford to pay someone and all your low rent catalog gigs. 









Remember this hilarious photo? So, what catalog was this, Beth? Heidi & Mel B must be jealous.

Beth showing off those giant implants and plus-size girdlewear.

Oh, then cue Daddy and his negative bank balance struggling to support a giant dolt daughter in New York City desperate to call herself a model...oh, can he no longer practice dentistry in any state? Wonder why...I guess we will have to look that up on the Internet, it is public record.

Why would Howard care so deeply about AGT, about who they hire? Who actually gives a damn about this show? Howard does, because he can't unload Beth, she keeps getting sent back to him, back on his payroll. All her TV shows have been canceled and thrown in the garbage; they're not even recycled garbage they were scheduled for permanent destruction. Howard is having difficulty supporting Beth along with his Trust Fund babies.

Howard also took a snipe at Heidi today on his pay satellite radio show with where he does an AGT commercial in between paid advertisements where he has a total of about 8 listeners [did you see that crowd at San Diego's ComicCon? Nobody did, there was no crowd for the live taping and broadcast of the Howard Stern Wrap Up Show or Howard Stern's Geektime hosted by Ralph Cirella].

Howard claimed Heidi got started "late" in modeling, funny, since Bethie started at THIRTY-THREE YEARS OLD when Howard Stern paid for a photo shoot for an issue of Razor Magazine in 2003, and by 2005 it was thrown out of the business, defunct, over, the company shut down existing briefly online before being blotted out of existence due to the freakish proportions of Howard Stern's circus sideshow girlfriend.

Eat your heart out Beth, you never could score an SI cover, oh, but Heidi did... 

Gosh, did I miss AGT tonight? Oh, darn, so did the rest of the nation. Do we really need to see another Stern discovery? She looks like Beth.

Mrs. Pretty didn't disappoint fans for the taping of AGT as Howard shows off his new auburn tinted wig implants, shaded glasses to hide his eyes that point in different directions and he's got his face nicely pulled back with tape under the wig bushel on his head. Love that flat pancake makeup that funeral homes use; it works well on pasty dying skin.

Last and never least, Howard the Coward nervously backed out of an argument with himself on his satellite radio show today over the comments made by Deirdre Imus that he looks like a penis, so what, but thank god for Howard we can use that word on the air only to have it come back and bite Mr. Free Speech in the ass, or in the face. Yes, Howard backed down like a turkey eyeing a hatchet before Thanksgiving, but oh, he always backs down in the face of Don & Deirdre Imus, wonder why? They know who Beth really is, or was, and exactly how Stern got her...we all hope that gets a blind item spot on Crazy Days & Nights.

Howard might need professional help soon, I mean real help, not that psychiatrist that he hasn't seen in about 3 years since it was court ordered as a condition for joint custody, because on his radio show today he also took credit for ALL of the existing Sirius and XM subscribers. I mean, has he not seen the channel schedule? There are a million channels, Howard is one of the bunch, a blip on a radar screen, plus, half the subscribers don't get his show anyway, the XM bunch who never wanted Stern, they turned him down, so it was Sirius or a real pay site, where Howard would have had to set up his own Internet radio show, now that would have been hilarious; he might have gotten his cousin to advertise his stupid bee products on the show, and that would have been it before the IRS shut it down...I mean, that would be something to see. 

Go ahead Howard, quit your corporate  job, see what happens. Maybe Don & Deirdre Imus can get you a job as well as a life...

Howard & Beth vs Don & Deirdre

Imus's radio show is on the Fox Business
Channel along with Deirdre's Blonde on Blonde show.

Mothball radio will never be the same after Howard's tear this morning and resorting to lying as satellite radio claiming satellite radio has ratings when it doesn't, only subscribers, and free radio has real ratings along with real listeners across the nation. 

Jealous much, Howard?

On Howard's rarely live satellite radio show today, he was ranting about some comments made by the gorgeous and intelligent Deirdre Imus as she plainly told the truth, something about Howard being irrelevant and ugly. Well, isn't he? Howard can't take the truth, as he paraded in old lady Joan Rivers today to stroke his ego and make him feel young since she is 98 yrs old. Wow, Joan Rivers, I gotta pay Howard $30 a month just to hear an old bag scream about her new book and hear disgusting raunchy humor from a cadaver.

Then Howard got mad that Deirdre is on Imus's radio show which just happens to also be aired on the Fox Business cable channel and where is Howard TV? OH, thrown in the garbage since no one will finance that less than daily plug of his wife Bethie The Unemployable Pariah and don't forget Howard can brag about his job of grinning on TV between Snapple commercials judging a scripted game show.

Well, at least Don & Deirdre are doing something with their money, all Beth is doing is posing with kittens then stomping on them before dumping them onto foster homes so she can have a fresh batch of kittens delivered to her barren mom cave in the Hamptons.

Useless famehound couple donate a useless calendar featuring 12 photos of Beth to the North Shore Animal League (NSAL), while Howard Stern badgers the few listeners he has on mothball satellite radio to buy his wife's calendar to pay for a building at NSAL which is the charity that employs Beth. Then he has the nerve to badger his wealthy friends into giving Beth money so Stern doesn't have to pay for her clothes and rental cars while he pays cash for a Florida Mansion costing $52 million aside from funding three Trust funds for three other unemployable members on his payroll.

Beth has a job posing
 with animals at shelters

Well, Little Boy Howard Stern was a bit miffed, sob, sob, but what can you expect from Stern, he is a shock jock and that is all he will ever be and his unknown nobody wife is just a cat snatcher and has a severe handicap in that she needs a camera pointing at her football head everyday using cats as a front since not one person will hire the 155 lb 'model' who has to order special sizes off the Internet then try and have Ralph alter them so she can squeeze herself into pencil skirts, mostly, resorting to the standard gigantic A-Line huge dresses, in between, that is, ordering some clothes for the closet of Howard Stern who makes it no secret he enjoys wearing women's clothes. He's the one that should be parading in front of cameras, not Beth.

I mean, doesn't Don Imus know that Howard married a super famous Swiss Alps model? Even though Beth doesn't know the date or the name of this Swiss catalog she modeled for [probably for her Swiss cheese thighs], so far, we have some photos from New Jersy modeling installation and that's about it.

#swiss #skiwear #catalog #germany #marthastewart #joanrivers #nsal

The Doubtful Guests

Cats can't save Howard and Beth from being doubtful guests in the Hamptons this year, as their running around doing selfies and getting cheap plugs in local New York papers and tabs is just pathetic, and no one wants them photo bombing their charity dinners with their phony promotion of animals that are housed in Beth's Hamptons Hideaway caged off from the rest of the house until Princess Photoshop needs them for a photoshoot to pretend she likes animals.

No, I am not forgetting this other Hamptons honey, whose idea of a comfort table is one free from racial diversity as she packs on the pounds since she is feeding two people.

Pregnant pause here.

Yes, Bethie, the million dollar maiden who loves the designer handbags and could care less about the animals she is posing with, alive or dead, but loves her picture being taken and is seething with jealousy of all the young women, a.k.a., the Kardashians, who have a reality show, and who are sought after and photographed ad infinitum all over the globe while Beth is stuck in the Hamptons having to take her own photos and post them on her loser media sites whose paid corporate followers have no clue who she is other than a vertical vinyl floor model.

2013, Jerry & Jessica Seinfeld
Baby Buggy  Summer Dinner

Oh, remember the Horninskys last year? They barged into the Jessica Seinfeld Baby Buggy charity event, but what about yesterday? Saturday? You remember, when the uninvited duo had to stage their own pitiful photoshoot at their friend's restaurant, a restaurant where Beth and Howard have taken up permanent residence.

2013,  Jerry & Jessica Seinfeld Baby Buggy Summer Dinner

Beth and Howard return to the scene of the crime? Beth FELL at Harlow

restaurant in June and I guess Howard is waiting for the

settlement agreement otherwise he may own the place.

Howard is reversed but the magazine or newspaper isn't. Nice photoshopping

there you guys.  Howard doesn't live with Beth and she commonly

posts headless photos of Howard.

#harlow #hamptons #katielee #joel #billyjoel #christamiller #christa

The Mummy Returns

True to The Mummy's form, whenever Beth is photographed outdoors in an uncontrolled environment she is all covered up, especially from the waist through to her knees. I suspect major mummy bandages from liposuction hiding under those big dresses, and have yet to see any candid photos of her baring all this summer, only those phony old bikini shots from god knows what year(s) that she regularly posts on her social maniac sites.




                                         

Oh, don't forget Bethie this year is still on her dead dog tour to beg for money from the richy residents of the Hamptons, and is still bugging Miss Katie Lee Home Cooking For White Trash [well she learned from the best, Paula D wrote the foreword to one of her books and is a good friend], oooh, love that mess of yellow cheese with yellow cheese on beef with a mountain of double fries with, what? More yellow cheese....omg...then, before you make an appointment with your diabetes doctor and heart surgeon, top it off with a dessert of mountains of chocolate, whipped cream, chocolate chips, sugar cookies, cream pie....but, okay, enough of that.

When Katie Lee found out she was married to a Jewish man, she ran back to hillbilly country for a cleansing ceremony...barefoot and all...right Lil' Abner? Point your toes, honey, that means you have class.

Beth is still bugging the hell out of Alexandra the Blue Blood who was a giant pariah in her circle having to be dumped onto the comedy club circuit and paid to stay away from home for lack of any talent other than going both ways. Oh, remember her on the show, In Living Color? Nobody does, but she's rich so who gives a damn. Maybe she can buy Beth a kitten building with Beth's name on it at the North Shore Animal League where Beth is their paid spokespest so Howard Stern Who Hides His Plastic Surgery From The Sun can skate out of everything, including having the charity pay for Beth's wardrobe and rental cars.

Oh, but old man Stern was busy playing reality show with documenting himself yet again at Harlow Restaurant in the Hamptons this weekend. My gosh, I guess Nobu doesn't allow cameras inside their restaurant so now they are a permanent fixture at Harlow, well, that will drive away the tourists trade. Wonder the status of the alleged lawsuit when Beth FELL at Harlow in June.

#harlowrestaurant #shirleymacclaine #qvc #ds #harlow #katielee #billyjoel