Disjointed

Howard Stern appeared to be all over the place spinning out and spinning further down his staircase this week, down into the depths of hell in his Hamptons house that is sinking and is falling apart right before his very eyeglasses as he struggles to find a buyer for that nest he created with his beloved bimbo Beth O that he made legit by marrying her when she barged in and cleaned out his Manhattan apartment and has had three wedding ceremonies leaving Beth bereft as to which one was the actual legal wedding as she spent all three weddings dazed and confused wondering who's Zooming who.

Howard dropped a few mines along his field of lost and broken dreams broadcasting his stale Sirius satellite radio show from his stale basement where he has permanently moved into and is afraid to leave it should he become infected with the Covid-19 plan of attack against all persons who are human and become sick being around alien lifeforms. Yeah, I've blogged about that recently ever since the Covid carnival has been passing through our towns and cities.

Why do you think Howard is rarely in the presence of Alien Beth for more than 15 minutes at one time unless he is wearing his Hazmat underpants? Howard is also afraid he might actually get sick for real and have to be transported to a local public hospital where it could be revealed he is suffering from all sorts of disorders aside from a wig disorder with an intern racing to the nearest pay telephone to reveal all about Howard to a waiting tabloid.

Marching for Social Change

June 8, 2020, stale Stern satellite radio show.

Excerpts (comments in red are by this blogger):

Howard: "Hey, now. Good morning. ....Let's say good morning to Pocket." 

(Paid caller) Pocket: "What would you do if Beth came to you and said, 'Howard, I want to go to a protest, I'm gonna go marching for social change'."

Howard: "... You know it's so funny. We had friends the other day who wanted to know - Beth's friend goes, 'When is Howard gonna let you start socializing again?'"

* * *

* * *
Howard: " And these guys that I know some of them are in their 60s, their 70s, some are in their 80s and I'm like so great, I'll watch you on a ventilator, you idiot. I don't know, they're goofing on me. I'm walking around my neighborhood, people are still not wearing masks." Gee, maybe it's not Halloween yet, Howard.

* * *

Howard: " (yelling) Excuse me! There's gonna be no reduction in the coronavirus and I'll be stuck in the house even longer because they can't fucking control themselves. .... Masks cut down everything....".  Yes, especially your breathing.

(Paid caller) Pocket: "... I use that website Worldometer, it's 20,000 cases a day." Thank you Mr. Paid Plug.

* * *

Howard: "Chris Cuomo says his lungs still aren't right from COVID, like he can't get his lungs together." Nobody cares.

* * *

Howard: "I mean, I don't wish that my friends get COVID-19, but I gotta tell ya', I do get fucking frustrated when my friends call me and go, 'You're not going to the party? Hahahaha, oh, you guys are locked up for the weekend. Hahahaha.' This is what they do, it's a big joke around here that I'm some kind of paranoid asshole that I won't leave the house, like I'm the crazy one." Gosh, does Howard's little cross-dressing club care that much that Stern is a no-show? Maybe Howard just ran out of dough to keep up Beth's bar tab, right? That's why he is hiding in his basement?

* * *

Howard: (To Robin) "Do you ever say to them what's going on that you don't know that we have Covid-19, I mean, like we had (Beth's) relatives who said they want to come visit. I said to Beth, 'Tell them don't they know there's Covid-19?' And then people are like, 'Oh, yeah yeah yeah, social distancing.' ... They go 'Yeah yeah yeah, we don't really have it here.' And I go, 'Well, you're gonna get on a plane and come here?'" Nothing is stopping the O Family from getting their annual freeloader vacation at the Sterns' Hamptons home. Same with Howard's girlfriend Mary McCormack who visits each summer to celebrate her wedding anniversary at the Sterns' Hamptons home. It's some cozy little group.

* * *

Howard: "I'm telling you, I have friends who went to parties this weekend. And then I go 'Aren't you guys worried?' (mimicking an annoying voice) Social distancing party. (His own voice) I go, 'No, you're not, people were serving drinks, people were serving food. There was no social distancing'."

Yes, we get it Howard. You are dying to copy my parody cover for 
"Social Life Distancing" magazine.
I just can't wait for you to steal my original idea.

https://bethfanpage.blogspot.com/2020/05/about-time.html

=END=

Dueling Egos
June 9, 2020 stale Stern satellite radio show.

Excerpts (comments in red are by this blogger):

Howard: "... Sean Penn is coming on. He's a guy, really, I'm anxious to talk to. I probably would need 10 hours with Sean Penn because the guy's had an incredible career, I mean, it's a fucking crazy career. The guy's been nominated for an Oscar five times; won twice. He's practically the complete opposite of me I would say in terms of even the risk-taking, traveling the world, you know, I'm a recluse." You both have fat egos. That's what Howard is talking about here, the elephant in the room, dueling egos. Howard has to eat crow or he can find himself interviewing Beth everyday.

* * *
Howard: "... People call me up and want to know my political views so I give it to them because I don't want to seem like I'm ducking the issue, but I would prefer not to (Howard the Duck). Look, yeah, I mean, like some people criticize me, they go, look all your guests seem to be anti-Trump and I go well, dude, that's because most accomplished people that - you know, like who am I having on today? Sean Penn, the guy's a fucking major star, he's also a pretty bright guy."

=====================

Okay, note to readers. This is what's called Howard's "Little Stevie" moment. Reference the I Love Lucy episode, Season 3, Episode 5, "Baby Pictures". Lucy Ricardo insults the owner of a TV studio and his wife, Charlie and Caroline Appleby. Charlie was going to put Ricky on TV as the host of his own musical show. Lucy insults their baby, "Little Stevie" and that ends Ricky's chances of getting on TV. To get back in the Applebys' good graces, Lucy has to appear on the TV show holding their baby, Little Stevie Appleby, and say how she and Ricky discovered the most wonderful baby in the whole world. 

Howard? Oh my gosh. He and Sean Penn years ago got into a battle of the egos. Now that Howard has an empty basement interview show where he stares at a wall while his wife Beth throws strawberries at Howard seeing how many she can get to stick to his weave, Howard is desperate to get anyone to appear on his stale satellite radio show. Enter Sean Penn, yeah, "Little Stevie" and Howard had to kiss his ass or you can forget Sean's fat ego from appearing anywhere near Howard Stern, let alone on his bunker basement radio show.

Cont.

Howard: "Like someone says, 'Oh, you went Hollywood because you have Hollywood people on.' I go, 'Well, yeah, I guess if you're gonna say I went Hollywood, good, I mean, that's the direction I want to go in like accomplished people who make us happy who are entertainers or accomplished comedians like really bright people who have accomplished things who haven't inherited money from their parents for the most part but have mostly achieved greatness.' I'm kind of interested especially when I have on Green Day or Crosby, Stills and Nash, or a great performance from Brandi, what's her name Granville (Glanville)...".

Notice another elephant in the room. Howard went ballistic and press released a tirade against the AFRICAN AMERICAN TV STAR WENDY WILLIAMS last year when she dissed Howard for going Hollywood and said his book of celebrity interviews was boring and to skip it [I'm paraphrasing]. If Howard were to diss Wendy again, he can expect his weave to be looted and his body stripped of those designer duds revealing his bulletproof jacket and Hazmat underpants.

Cont.

Another Strawberry Suspense Segment:

Part of Beth's job is to deliver strawberries to Howard when he's on the air so she can justify her salary from the Sirius Stern show budget. So, Howard's fan has to endure this segment almost everyday Stern decides to turn on his fuzzy camera and read off a script and call it a radio show.

Howard: "Honey? My wife. See what she's up to. I think she's bringing strawberries, I'm like a salivating dog. Hon, what are you doing? (She's waiting for her cue). Come over here. (inaudible) Of course I'm on the air, yeah, I'm on the air. Why? (inaudible) Oh, I won't put you on the air - I mean, no one's gonna see you but you'll still get paid as long as you speak on the air."

Beth: "How did you know I was here?" Gee, from those clomping horse hooves?

Howard: "I could hear you and I said, 'She doesn't want to come in'."

Robin: "He could smell the strawberries."

=END=

Trust the Plan

June 10, 2020, stale Stern satellite radio show.

Excerpts (comments in red are by this blogger):

Howard: "... Beth and I the other night in a moment of weakness were kind of like, oh, maybe we're being a little too cautious. And then I said, 'No, we got to stick with the plan' (he goofed up the Q mantra). My hippocampus is trying to fool me but my amygdala is telling me you gotta quit fucking around. Anyway, stores are opening back up, a lot of them require customers to wear a mask. I don't think it's too much to ask somebody to wear a mask but evidently - I applaud these stores for trying to open up and to abide by the rules. But there are people out there (called "sane") - if you want to call 'em people - who think they're above the law. Here I'll play you this first tape, I have a bunch of these (oh goody). A guy was asked to leave Costco in Colorado for not wearing a mask. Just listen to this exchange, it's great, this is what we're dealing with." I will spare you this gibberish.

* * *
Howard: "... Alex Jones wants to weigh in...".

Fake Alex Jones: "... Excuse me, Howard, I would like to just fact check your fake news ... the masks are infected with the globalists' inoculation, they're made in China ...".

Excuse me, Howard, why didn't Beth fact check her FAKE NEWS that she plagiarized for her blog for the North Shore Animal League? Yeah, read it and weep, Howard. Oh, right, you already did since your show writers continue to pilfer ideas from the famous Beth Fan Page.

https://bethfanpage.blogspot.com/2020/05/beths-bogus-blog.html

=END=

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