Visit to a Small Planet

Photo courtesy of the Martian Beth Fan Page.

Beth Ostrosky Stern, the famous fame stalker wife of Howard Stern who is the talk radio host on a loser subscription service that has no way to track actual listeners or ratings and who was called an idiot by the New York Daily News, is busy on her planet plotting her next move before she goes into full party stalking mode in the Hamptons horning in on the summer events she isn't invited to and attach her body to invited guests so she can get her photo printed in local magazines and websites. Not many people of earth realize that a lot of the photos and video Beth takes of herself are all done with CGI background effects because she is frequently on her home planet that is as barren as she is. Not many visitors make it to her small planet yet she loves it when a delegation from the Martian Beth Fan Page pay her a visit.

Howard's fan was all excited to get an insider's look into Howard and Beth's small planet when Howard talked about what they did on Valentine's Day. Howard sent Beth a painting of a small patch of cement with their names scrawled on it to memorialize an original cement slab that got covered over years ago. Well, neither of them died and Howard failed to keep up the plot payments so it was covered over and is ready for new owners.

Everyone knows that when Howard makes that annual trek out to Los Angeles to handle his "affairs", oh, because he owns property in the state, half of which is Beth's providing she has an ironclad prenuptial agreement but I hear Howard's daughters wear asbestos underpants, Howard keeps trying to sneak his block of cement into the courtyard at Grauman's Chinese Theatre [now called TCL Chinese Theatre]. Howard is that nuts thinking he should be at Grauman's and is as famous as the people who are immortalized there now but security is aware of the Stern problem and just laugh at the old coot.

Everyone on this planet laughs at Beth's hilarious selfies around her green-screened pool area where her sausage body is stuffed into girdle bathing suits and she contorts her body into weird positions to look thin when she just looks bizarre like she should go back to modeling her weird body parts in medical journals.

Kathryn Brolin not only can model swimsuits but she has a famous clothing line called Midheaven Denim that's been featured several times by Oprah as one wonders why Beth is not scouted by Kathryn to model her jeans. I think Howard needs to get Brolin's phone number on auto redial and badger her to death to make that deal happen.

How was Dame Beth-Man's Valentine's Day, you ask? 

Oh, you know, the same old thing. Nothing special.

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