Hitched

Reports are flooding in that Katie Lee finally got married to her perfectly straight fiance from her Food Network and who is also a part-time bit player stuck in productions that are thinly disguised stories about gay men played out by straight women mimicking the antics of the guys who like guys but hey, it's all good in my book and my book is getting bigger and bigger with more chapters than anyone can imagine that is set to hit the secret stockpile of the illuminated ones living in all the right places and seen at all the right events and strutting along catwalks around the globe in places that Beth Ostrosky Stern can only hope to add to her bullshit resume.

We love the pizza reference dear Katie, since we know you are down with the code and hope it keeps your widening flabby ass on television for years to come as if you are a surfer girl, ha, oh you are alright, but on the web not actually in any bodies of water. So where was Katie's best friend Beth? Wasn't she invited to the wedding? Katie said it was with close friends and family and who is closer to her than the Sterns? Oh right, her publicity agents Mullett and Bloomers who fled from Beth after marketing her bullshit Yoda the Cat books when Howard and Beth came up with some fairy tale about how Beth found a declawed cat in a cage at the North Shore Animal League (NSAL) that everyone ignored that had shaven hair and looked sickly from a heart ailment and guess what, that cat died and POOF! New Yoda emerged as a much bigger grown cat with a huge thick white coat and this Yoda was a purebred Persian cat with claws as Beth has proven on her IG show only within this past year and the cat is not allowed outside the designated cat foster room or the cat room for resident cats on the second floor of Stalag Beth in the Hamptons unless he is chaperoned because the cash poor Sterns will never buy another piece of furniture their entire lives. Yes, they will take free stuff but Howard buys one thing and keeps it forever. Look at that second wife, he is keeping that thing forever and we can't wait for it to start to shrink and crumble. Howard has had all that old stuff from his original Hamptons home that he lost in the divorce with his exwife and moved some of the junk to the new house and bought some new faux junk furniture that is supposed to look antique and they don't want any animals ruining that plastic stuff made to look like real wood like Howard has a piece of plastic trying to look like he has real wood when he pretends to fuck the wife that is rarely vertical since her head has grown so big it's hard to balance that huge banana head that keeps growing. Didn't anyone tell Beth that HGH makes things grow? Well, now she knows. 

But Howard normally only buys things one time and that's it. He may do a patchwork repair on a piece of wood or wicker like he does with Wickerman Beth every three months, funding her nips and tucks and sucks and bloats to keep her camera ready for that one big break that will never come. Beth is a menopausal child who thinks she still has great things to come when she is on a mouse wheel of crappy TV jobs from the Hallmark Channel that has to take Beth as part of their deal with NSAL.

We love it that Beth's dress met Huma but Beth still has not gotten close to anyone in that league of women voters but maybe if Beth started rescuing Chucky Cheese from the mousetrap it might get her into that inner circle she so desperately craves. We know Howard seems to have dropped out of circulation and neither he or Beth could get into ANY smart Hamptons dinner parties this summer and we know that's why Howard had to take a ton of time off from boring his fan on Sirius satellite radio and do a gig with his bosses at the Stephen Talkhouse so Howard could count it as a production credit while writing it off as a donation to NSAL with Bethie front and center as the host and spokesperson for that d-list animal shelter that dumps animals onto other shelters that takes the animals to be euthanized. I mean, these so-called animal shelters are all about making money, nothing more and Beth is no different. She could care less about any animal it's just she has nothing else she can do with her life. She isn't getting anymore TV shows because Howard isn't. She only got on TV and got the Yoda book deals [failing at getting a Yoda the cat Trilogy] because Howard was on TV tanking the ratings for NBC's "America's Got Talent". So they tanked Howard and now NBC is back on top and Beth and Howard just have NSAL and their own sinking foundation called Bianca's Furry Friends that benefits nothing but the Beth's horizontal lifestyle.

I think the dress looks better on the shoulder but Beth
has to wear weird dresses because her body is askew.

So, which power outage couple hogged a table at Nobu with the sea getting very angry that night? No deal was struck according to sources.

Everyone is just so anxious for Howard Stern to be back sitting on his satellite dish since he cannot afford to quit working or the pizza guys might repossess his oven. We know Bethie is chomping at her bit and can barely wait to get bloated and botoxed for her big appearance as a shill for the Hero Dog Awards that should be ended since parading wounded and disabled dogs onto a stage where they are traumatized is hardly an animal charity benefit. It just benefits Beth who is desperate to play celebrity hosting a dog party in Los Angeles. Well, who else would they get to host that spectacle? ALF in a bleached wig?

#dawgshed  #howardmarriedadawg

#damebethmaniswritingatellnothingbook

#agt  #nsal   #bethstern  #betho

#howardstern  #sterncurse

#katieleekitchen  #katielee  #foodnetwork