Cannes it Howard

Well here is another event Howard Stern has never been invited back to, of course the annual Cannes Film Festival that is held this year from May 8 -19. 

Howard had his straight-to-bomb one shot film screened at the Cannes Film Festival in 1997 and somehow managed to not score a ticket for his wife and kids for the screening, at least they were never seen anywhere while Howard Stern [as blogged about several times on this blog by the famous blogger Dame Beth-Man] was seen all over Cannes escorting his movie wife Mary McCormack, a.k.a., Miss Scary Mary the $cience Lover who has never retracted her claws from Stern. To this day, Howard is submissive to the dominant bloated bulldog who manages to keep getting work even though she is devoid of any talent other than boring audiences. 

Gee, where was Beth O the famous invisible European model during the Cannes film festival in 1997? Gosh, we don't know, do we? Oh, she just finished filming her two-second part in the 1996 film "Flirting With Disaster" with Howard's buddy Ben Stiller and Beth was MIA at that movie premiere too which was very odd since I guess she could not be seen publicly, who knows, right? Ben Stiller is now appearing as Donald Trump's lawyer on Saturday Night Live and we all remember the Stillers got divorced to be free from the Sterns. That really is the only way to avoid getting Stuck With The Sterns. You've got to run and hide, change your contact info, get divorced, go into rehab, fake your own death, whatever it takes to be free of those leeches who glom onto anyone who is famous that they think can get them back on TV or in movies [I know, the movie thing is just a long running joke since the Sterns are not only TV ratings poison but are just box office rancid popcorn boxes at this point in time].

Mary McCormack didn't know Howard Stern already had Beth O on the side with sauce waiting
in the wings or eating wings since Buffalo Beth's pretty beefy.

I am sure everyone skipped the overly long and boring broadcast on HBO of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Awards on May 5, this time Howard Stern could horn in via his Sirius employers who sponsored Stern's segment and of course, covered the event on Sirius satellite radio. The Stern induction speech for Bon Jovi was filmed first in the lineup of inductees on April 14, yet in the final cut, was placed last in the broadcast on HBO as audiences clicked off the channel after the first 2 hours and everyone could leave once Stern and the Bon Jovi segment aired in the third and final hour of the show. 

No one wanted to hear Stern's wig giving the induction speech for Bon Jovi or hear those aged teenagers in wigs singing "You Give Love a Bad Name". Yes, the lineup was on purpose, as it was taped on April 14 with Stern and Bon Jovi first since everyone was milling around and ignoring Howard on stage while engineers did sound checks with Bon Jovi being used as the warm-up band so all of the subsequent performers would have the sound mix, volume, and effects all set to go.

As stated, for the actual broadcast on May 5, Stern and Bon Jovi were shelved until the very end as audiences clicked off to other TV channels and skipped the talking wigs segment.

In other hilarious news, that upcoming hilarious directing debut debacle of Howard's friend Bradley Cooper, is skipping the Cannes film festival to screen that hilariously funny remake of "A Star Is Born" with Lady Gaga playing the lead part and Bradley having the big male part aside from directing and producing this parody. I mean, it's got to be a parody film, right? Bradley claims he wants to save it for Oscar consideration but he avoids the issue of how it would be panned by Cannes.

A Star is Born  (1976)

The 1954 film starring the incredibly talented Judy Garland was never topped, not even by Barbra Streisand with the permed wigged weave playing the lead role with the world's worst singer Kris Kristofferson who discovers her and helps make her a star.

In this 2018 remake, Lady Gaga is now in the lead and Bradley Cooper is the one who discovers her and makes her famous. As already reported on this blog, some of Lady Gaga's performances were reportedly filmed live at the Coachella festival a few years ago since this turkey has been shelved for quite some time.

This turkey is supposed to
arrive in theaters by the end
of September. Why
not November is beyond me. Do they
really think it will make it to
Turkey Day without it being
dumped onto the cable TV market?

Other producers of this sinkhole include Clint Eastwood. I mean, he was fine in front of a camera in his younger years but poison behind it killing every subject he took on and making it a borefest with him funding his own Oscar wins and having to take out numerous loans against his properties, I mean, we don't know what keeps the old guy going after divorcing his housekeeper.

Did I mention Andrew Dice Clay is also in the Cooper version as well as a chubby Dave Chappelle? Omg, what a joke. We will see if Bradley is desperate enough to creep back into the Stern studio to plug his movie and see the power of Stern publicizing it to his fan and getting that fan to actually leave the group home and purchase a ticket.

Well, we can't wait to see if Beth makes it into the Met Gala tonight [insert laughter] but Katie Lee was there last year and I suppose she is expected to show up again tonight. We can't wait to see what happens as Beth sits and stews in her cat room in her Hamptons hellhole filled with cheap rattan furniture as she tells the maid how happy she is being a giant unemployable nobody while all the beautiful people are invited to the Met Gala.

#dawgshed  #howardstern  #betho
#bethostroskystern  #barbra
#starisborn  #cannesfilmfestival
#cannes  #marymccormack #metgala