Season 1, Episode 3: "Howard's Boob"

Okay folks, it's official, Howard Stern has a new series airing on his rarely live Sirius satellite radio show where he relates bogus fights with the wife, the famously unknown nobody from Pittsburgh, Beth Ostrosky Stern. In Monday's episode, Howard recounts when Beth got annoyed with his antics and then Howard gets hurt by her comments. Wow, hang on folks, this will be a wild ride with Howard attempting yet another reality show to entertain his listener of his dullfest radio show. Will this boost his average listener to two per week? I guess we'll have to watch what happens.

In Episode 3 "Beth Banishes Laughter", bumbling Beth fights back by saying she is annoyed by Howard's laughing. Gosh, such friction!! Can't wait to see what happens next!!! Poor pitiful Howard is so desperate to get some attention when he is just sitting in a dark CGI studio ignored by real celebs with real production companies and real fame and real fortune, you know, like Heidi Klum and Simon Cowell and every other real celebrity on the planet who also actually live with their significant other. 

Prior episodes of "Howard's Boob":

Season 1, Episode 1: Beth Shouts Suri
Season 1, Episode 2: Beth Bumbles Buttons

Will this goofy trio make an in-person appearance on Episode 4? Won't that little bickering banter make for good radio?

This is exactly the stuff he did with his first wife Alison where she would call into the radio show or Howard would relate some fight they had to prove Alison was no Stepford Wife but had a brain and opinions, all serving Howard who has to appear that he likes women and actually lives with them. Scripted bullshit. Howard and his team of wall builders ensure that it is the Stern Show all the way around, in every aspect of his loser life on the radio dial, never launching off that pad of desperation of being a laughing stock, being called an IDIOT in PRINT by the New York Daily News [yes, it's on this blog as well as everywhere on the Internet if you care to research it yourself].

Gee, how come Howard never talked on the air about the screaming match with his first wife in a hospital emergency room years ago when one of his daughters overdosed on drugs? That never made it to his radio show did it. Nope. What about when his first wife discovered via their accountant that Howard independently purchased a new Manhattan penthouse apartment? That little discussion never made it to the airwaves did it. Nope.

What about the time Howard broadcasted live from Hollywood at the Playboy Mansion and he hit on a gorgeous brunette playmate who wouldn't give him her phone number? Did I mention he was already shacked up with the Pittsburgh pariah back in New York who ran to the Enquirer as "a source" stating that she and Stern are a couple, while he pretends to be single for his on-air persona? Did any of these little stories end up publicly talked about on Howard's radio show? Nope.

Anything that makes it on the air on Stern's radio show is scripted bullshit. So now we've got a pitiful and desperate venture to insert Beth into Howard's boring satellite radio show to make it seem like there is friction in their "perfect" marriage so they can appear to relate to the little people, the little commoner whackpackers. Howard is desperate to make it appear to his fan that Beth is not a golddigging robot who's afraid of getting fired and sent back to Pittsburgh with her meager cash and prizes, but speaks up and is not just another PAID stooge of Howard Stern.

Oh, same with Robin Quivers who pretends to be the outspoken woman voice on the racist and chauvinistic Howard Stern radio show when Robin spouts some big opinions and then runs crying into the back office and threatens to leave the show because Howard yells at her if she goes too far off script and now is sequestered to her home pantry on an ISDN line with Stern cutting off her mic frequently when she babbles on too long. 

So we've got SEASON 1, EPISODE 3 of "Howard's Boob". We know that Beth's litter box show on Instagram has not been picked up by Andy Cohen, "The Real Housewife of Instagram" and no one likes Beth for having kittens bred in a field that she can pretend someone found the mom to "foster" and hand them over to Beth who uses them as mere photo props and then dumps them onto other people when she tires of them. Beth is a laughing stock across the Internet, claiming to have been a globally famous model yet only having photos from New Jersey polyester lingerie catalogs and ads in tabloids for giant elastic waist pants that never need ironing before Howard took up her contract and she barged onto the covers of Hamptons Magazine since she lived in the Hamptons with Howard, big deal, ANYONE can get a cover feature if you live in the Hamptons or have businesses they are promoting. 

So do you like Beth any better now? Do you like Howard better now? Oh, they fight!! Scripted marital spats! Howard actually thinks he is scripting a reality show and we know how that went with Alison the first wife, who cut her losses and ran before her three daughters would have to be singing in the streets for their supper. She knew the movie and book deal of "Private Parts" was "it" for Stern. Nothing else materialized while Howard was under a delusion he could score a real supermodel and become a Hollywood star - so funny, I mean, like OJ Simpson actually thinking he would get an Academy Award nomination for his appearance in "The Naked Gun". 

Yes, Howard finally did get his scripted judging job on a scripted reality show gig for four years with NBC [who contracts with the SiriusXM corporation to air audio versions of a few of their shows] but suddenly, Stern suing Monster Malone ended with that judging stint on "America's Got Talent". All square and even now right Howard? No more claims against your employers for more dough? Maybe Andy Cohen will buy your new reality show "Howard's Boob" and hear the scripted boring drivel about how you and Beth "bicker". Oh please, give it up Howard. Beth ain't goin' nowhere since she would be dumped back into oblivion and you ain't goin' nowhere since any attempts at a third wife would cost you way too much money and who would you get anyway? A waitress from Nobu claiming to be a sushi model?

Beth's got her job of Miss Roll Over and Play Housewife while she is roasted across the Internet as the useless fame hound that she is and she is rarely with Howard Stern anyway which is the life Howard wants where he visits the wife for a few shoe or newspaper selfies and that's it. Didn't you know Beth, that Howard lives in his own place near Katie Lee's kitchen? Aren't you glad I blog for you? You just thought your Stalag Beths [she has three] were so big that you and Howard never met up in the bathroom for your morning waxing and weaving. Where is your show Beth? You know, about you rolling on the floor with cat butts on your face? Gee, you mean no cable channel will fund your Stalag Beth cat prison camp show? What a shocker.

Can you feel the scientology love? Well, aren't they all a member who are on that Simpsons cartoon bullshit show? Don't know but without them, Howard would have almost zero guests into his stale satellite radio show and they seem to prefer a Monday. Today's guest was Hank Azaria with the glued on black hair accessory as is the routine for most male scientologists since that organization is into the hair system business to keep their clientele young looking so they can still get work on television. Hank did not want to come on the Stern show on Bagel Wednesday since he is watching his figure because he still gets work on TV and in films. Oh, you want gossip about Hank? According to alleged insiders, he's a super nice guy who was a merkin for Helen Hunt and had a scorching alleged affair with Matthew Perry. Don't you like him even more now? I sure do.

Yep, more cats have been added to the prisoner count at Stalag Beth in the Hamptons and they are terrified to be added to the score sheet for Beth and her constant bragging about taking selfies with cats and calling it charity work while she plans a big cat dumping session when she tires of the little camera props but hey, then she would have zero Instagram followers without them.

Whew - it's only Monday folks. Can't wait to see what happens next.

#howardstern  #noel  #ostrosky
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#hankazaria
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#stalagbethboob