No Guests Until Bagel Wednesday?

John glued Palm Tree leaves to his head
since he couldn't afford the Christie Brinkley wigs
after she broke up with the pot bellied pauper.

Howard Stern has been struggling with getting ANYONE to do his ignored, boring satellite radio show since he signed his new contract with the bosses of his life at corporate HQ in New York in 2016 with his TV gig meal ticket ending in 2015. So now his fan has to suffer through on-air skits with the paid staff of The Howard Stern Sirius Satellite Reality Show on Howard 100 with scripted stories. No one is buying his shit broadcast to air on television or on the Internet with Howard TV now a distant nightmare.

Howard's Siriusly depleted operating budget will be set back another $1.15 to buy John Mellencamp a bagel for tomorrow [since each staff member only gets ONE bagel and there are no extras] providing he shows up as scheduled and doesn't stand up the Stern show as is the normal routine for anyone who is booked on the Stern show and still has hope for a career. But most over the hill geezers in fright wigs are stuck with doing the Stern show to promote their loser projects. 

Oh yeah, "Stick 'Em With Stern" [go ahead Howard, steal it, it's not copyrighted] if you have to publicize a has-been with a dead career. What do I do? I'm repping John Pothead Mellencamp! Hey, Stick 'Em With Stern. Mellencamp is expected to appear on the Jimmy Fallon show tonight after supposedly taping the Stern show this afternoon but I guess we'll have to watch what happens. 

My gosh, those D-Listers gotta sit through a pre-approved, lawyer approved scripted interview until it's time for a commercial break since it has been publicized on the Internet that the Sirius talk radio shows do not pay for themselves and have to be packed with commercials, especially the Stern radio show that is an overly long and boring four hours of radio scripted by a Millennial sucking his thumb hiding from bullies.

Well, Stern did talk about his super famous unknown wife Beth Ostrosky Stern on Beth Tuesday on his satellite radio show, something about knowing an aged pumped up pansy who almost dropped dead. Hey, maybe you should stop with the steroid milkshakes everyday? Just a suggestion, no judgment. Howard has to plug his mare each week on his satellite radio show since she's a famous nobody doing nothing but rummaging around for homeless cats in a dumpster in the village near Howard's apt since she stalks him during the work week and he doesn't know it. Howard loves that pasta at the goodfellas eateries around Tribeca just around the corner from Katie Lee's kitchen. She sure keeps it clean for all her paying guests. Beth is having a hard time stocking her unreality show on Instagram with cats since that is her business, taking dozens of photos everyday and posting them on Instagram and calling it charity work while collecting public donations to her foundation Bianca's Furry Friends and the charity that she is paid to promote ad nauseam, the North Shore Animal League.

Hey Howard, it looks like the only way you and Beth are getting into the Oscars is via Stateline Bus Tours in Hollywood. Jimmy Kimmel invited a bus tour group into the live broadcast of the Academy Awards on Sunday where they got to meet and take pictures with the celebs in the front rows.

Jimmy Kimmel hosting the Oscars and letting
a tour bus group meet the stars.

Oh brother, the Hollywood Horninskys are in line!

In other news, Howard Stern suffered yet another blow to his big career dreams when Rob Zombie was selected, not Howard Stern, to do voice-over work in an upcoming blockbuster film. Sorry Howard, but your mumbling obnoxious voice trying to talk through those fake choppers is not marketable to anyone between the ages of 0 - 100.

#johnmellencamp #howardstern #bethstern
#bagelwednesday #hideyourbagelfrombenjy

#cheapskatesternbuysdayoldbagelsforstaff