Did Keanu miss Bagel Day at the Stern show?

2-2-17, Build Studio.

Superstar and super gorgeous Keanu Reeves appeared live and in person at The Build [formerly called the AOL Build] interview series in New York sponsored by the Huffington Post where a bunch of nobodies try and promote their latest projects and it is rare that they get an actual, genuine, real celebrity to appear in person at the generally dull event. We remember when Beth Ostrosky Nobody showed up to push her stupid loser Yoda the Cat books that only saw the light of day twice, failing to get that coveted trilogy deal with a publisher since Howard Stern's cash suddenly dried up at the end of 2016.

Howard Stern of course is not in his satellite radio studio on a Thursday or Friday to save on heating and lighting expenses since the talk shows on Sirius [save for the talk shows on Andy Cohen's channel that keep expanding and growing] do not fund themselves solely on the paid subscriptions to SiriusXM. So they normally pack the Stern talk radio show with tons of commercials to pay for his two channels in addition to Howard Stern himself who packs on the layers of ads that he reads himself since he has to pocket some extra cash to make up for his annual budget adjustments downward depending on stock market prices, indexes, shelters, loopholes, etc.

Oh but wait, every Wednesday Howard's staff get one free bagel and Howard thinks this is a big deal I guess because it makes a big dent in that Stern budget every month, wow. Howard's studio kitchen has been defunct and dark since late last year with zero free coffee provided to staff since Howard failed to get a coffee sponsor. So now he disses the stuff and claims it causes throat cancer or something to that effect. So go get your own coffee while you enjoy that one stale bagel that has been frozen since God knows when and is thawed out and handed out by some company that I don't think Howard plugged on his airwaves. So that is coming out of the Stern show budget since he failed at getting an official bagel sponsor for the show. The Stern show used to get a free delivery from Crumbs Bake Shop of their giant cupcakes but after Artie Lange left the show it went bankrupt and folded with several attempts at reopening, but it again closed in 2016, so no free cupcakes for the Stern show and it's on to the stale bagels provided by the billionaire bagel boy Howard Stern.

Wow, and to think if Keanu Reeves had appeared at the Stern Sirius studio on Wednesday, he might have scored a bagel!! That is, providing that one staff person decided to make a sacrifice and donate his one allocated bagel to the famous Keanu Reeves. Back in the old E Channel days, Keanu appeared with his band Dogstar and Howard asked if he played chess since back in the 1990's Howard used to play with Robin's made up boyfriend Mr. X. Howard liked to pretend he just took up chess when he hooked up with the Pittsburgh Pariah, but Stern has been at it forever. It's a way to troll around and have an excuse if he's caught where he shouldn't be.

Beth saves up her free bagels and uses them as cat toys so when her phony foster cats at Stalag Beth are let out of their cages for a photo shoot they can toss them around the room. Wow, the Billionaire Bagel Boy sure is a cheapskate asshole as we wonder just how Beth survives on just a few hair extensions glued into her balding head and those same stale fake eyelashes that need to be thrown in the trash. 

Some staffers at Sirius are not bagel eaters and

happily return them to Stern by sticking

cream cheese on them and hurling them

at the Billionaire Bagel Boy.

No wonder in a recent photo, Beth had her giant fake lashes repossessed and her left lazy eye is dilated. Time for fresh lashes Beth. Didn't you get your paycheck from Howard yet or did he try to pay you with bagels again? Go out and splurge on a new personality while you select some new eyelashes. We wonder which MENSA member of Beth's family keeps knitting these giant fugly custom made hats for Beth's football head. It could be that "friend" she has with the defunct knit arm warmer website.

Don't forget to mark your calendars for Sunday, February 5th, to catch the stellar rock genius Rob Zombie perform live at the Whisky-A-Go-Go in Los Angeles. You might catch a glimpse of DBM. Just look for the crown and ask to see my medals. I'm never without them.

"I kind of like, pursued everything in a non-pursuit manner..." 

-- Rob Zombie

Post Mortem should be the name of the Stern stale satellite radio show.

#robzombie #howardsternhasabagelboytoy
#bethostroskystern #bethstern #siriusxm