Beth Competes with Heidi's ASSets

Howard Stern doesn't
know what real models'
asses look like.

Boring Beth O Stern does nothing but constantly promote herself on her selfie Instagram site and claims that all those bizarre weirdo photos she posts of herself is charity work while the real celebs are coming out in full force once again on Sunday to support the Elton John AIDS Foundation annual Oscar viewing party and fundraiser. Will Beth make it this year to the Oscars? Well, it's been her dream since hooking that idiot on the radio not knowing he is a laughing stock and everyone is running from the TV ratings killer.

Heidi Klum is a genuine supermodel and genuine charity worker and has received many honours for her work with many charitable organizations benefiting adults and children since she's a mother to actual human children and not acting like a demented mother to a bunch of cats that are bred in a field so Beth can pretend they were homeless and someone "found" the cats and turned them over to the North Shore Animal League so Beth can stage a phony photoshoot with the animals before they are dumped onto real foster homes, with some of the people getting stuck with the cats indefinitely.

Pompous ass Howard Stern believes he is superior to the gay community and is a smug married man and pontificates on his satellite radio show with his condescending attitude and constant phrase "I'm a married man!!". Yes, Howard, whenever a real girl gets next to you it does not go unnoticed how you panic, providing the woman is not that aged closeted L___ Barbara Walters or your now dead mentor and pseudo mommy Joan Rivers. Howard's ego hopes that little group of same sex couples will have legalized marriages. Thanks Howard, no one needs your little support to be happy and live with whomever anyone wants to live with. It's the closeted community that is struggling with that pre-nup since that's the only way you can get a woman to agree to marry you, and you get stuck with having to make a former unknown plus-sized model famous. Not everyone on this planet wants a huge legal summit every three years to rehash a pre-nup with an unmarketable moron just to protect their image. Oh right, this is my opinion, oh, I am just worried about your mental health and suggest that you need to wake up and stop hiding behind that wig you stand under.

So where is Howard's unmarketable moron? Well, Beth's been stuck in her Florida White Elephant for over a week where she and Howard are getting their nips and tucks preparing for their big closeup that they think is coming up very soon. We hope Jimmy Kimmel makes good on his Oscar dare or he may be facing Evil Jimmy Kimmel on Howard's satellite radio show.

Uh - oh, Howard had better get back to his little dark studio with no kitchen or free coffee with that one stale bagel per employee per week at SiriusXM satellite radio since they are hiring celebs like there's no tomorrow. We've got the stellar lineup on Radio Andy, then Brooke Shields NOW, and NOW we've got Craig Ferguson! 

Gosh Howard, you might as well not even bother showing up for those 12 days or so per month per your numerology contract that is the laughing stock of the legal department. But hey, you need the money, right? New facelifts don't grow on trees, do they.

#bethsasshasfallenanditcantgetup
#jimmykimmel #kimmelhidesclosetedscientologists

#oscars #eltonjohnaidsfoundation

#heidiklum