Things That Get to Howard

You might be keeping your own list of the pet peeves of Howard Stern, but this is a step up. It's the stuff that really "gets" to Howard Stern and I have collected only a brief list of the stuff that he can't compete with. He can't equal the certain celebrity or wealth status of genuine moguls in this nation in addition to his failure at marrying a mainstream, legitimate model who was featured in a top magazine such as Sports Illustrated and at the very least, marry a woman who looks like she was born female.

Howard can't take famous wives of moguls. The now super famous Melania Trump started out as a meager model in Europe yet she rose to the ranks of appearing in Sports Illustrated magazine and obviously, married a genuine mogul who got her on the cover of the February 2005 edition of Vogue magazine wearing her wedding dress. Her husband went on to fund her various hobbies like designing her own line of timepieces and jewelry she sold on QVC. Well, who would've thought a girl from Slovenia would become the First Lady of the U.S., something that Howard cannot take. Trump not only has the cash in the bank to back up his mouth but he did make his wife famous and now she is the top model of the globe with top designers wanting her to wear their clothes unlike the still not famous and lumpy Beth Ostrosky Stern. 

Howard can't take genuine moguls. Howard wishes he had the constant free publicity and hubbub that has always surrounded Donald Trump without him even trying and who is not only just rich on paper but has the real stuff in the bank. Reaching the level of the President has caused a mental break inside the frizzy weaved head of Howard Stern. He has joined his wife Beth on her reality show, the Real Housewife of Instagram, and now pretends to give a damn about wild deer that ruin the lives of so many wealthy people by damaging their lawns and expensive shrubbery. 

Howard wishes he could afford an upgrade to that old man limo he likes to parade around in during his treks around New York and the Hamptons. To fund his trips, he publicly admits he stuffs a cat in his limo every once in awhile to claim he rescued the cat and was forced to transport it back and forth from Manhattan to the Hamptons and take it to the vet. Howard thinks he can count it as a business expense since his wife is the paid spokesperson for the North Shore Animal League (NSAL) and a paid volunteer in that NSAL stocks her cat rooms at her properties with supplies, kennels, and food. Howard then deposits the animal at Stalag Beth where it's photographed to death to make it appear Beth Stern is actually fostering a lot of cats when it's just the same cat in multiple photos per day. It's a trick of the Sterns who are cash poor and need to promote phony charities in the Hamptons that are paid to clear animals off the properties of the rich when they are building their huge homes or to stop the animals from damaging expensive landscaping. 

All Beth does on Instagram is take selfies of her lumpy breasts for her imaginary fans as she dolls up to sit around the house and do nothing. The First Dopes of the Hamptons have nothing to do but brag about throwing cats in a room and photographing them before they stuff them in a limo to dump them onto real foster homes that are en route back and forth from the Hamptons to NY just where the Sterns own property. Wow, what a coincidence. 

Howard is jealous of the presedential limousine and wants one just
like it but all he could get to run beside it to act as security are the
Village People. But hey Howard, slap a few of those tacky bumper
stickers on there from the North Shore Animal League and
you've got an upgraded bogus rescue limo with a heater that works.

Howard should upgrade his cat rescue limo to parade around
from NY to the Hamptons and the Village People
could act as his security team.

Howard can't take genuine top models. He has stated publicly on his radio show that he wishes HE were the hot chick in the room and had a sugardaddy to support him. Well, recently he was dissing not only Heidi Klum for her endless publicity pieces in the press and red carpet appearances, but also the hot model Emily Ratajkowski when she appeared on the red carpet at the Golden Globes award show. Oh guess what, she also appeared in public in a GENUINE bra and underpants filming an ad for Donna Karan. She was not in a fugly exercise bra like the one Beth wore around her home in Florida when she pretended to rescue a black cat from obscurity who's now famous for being stuck in photos with Beth.

Howard can't take it when young celebrities get product endorsements with their cat like Taylor Swift, who has advertisers begging for her to do ads including ads featuring her own adorable Scottish Fold cats, which is what Howard could never get for Beth, genuine ads like for sneakers or something, featuring Beth's own cats. What the public doesn't know is that ALL of Beth's personal cats she owns are marginally socialized. They are hardly touched except when they nose around wondering what newspaper Mr. Newsman Howard Stern reads while waiting for his rescue limo that has no heater to take him back to his Village people. Beth's own personal cats are all kept in a room and only allowed out to be photographed for her dull Instagram site around meal time. Beth's agents came up with that stupid Yoda the Cat book debacle and Howard paid dearly for that blunder since guess what, Beth is not a little girl writing about her little kitty cat. Beth was a laughing stock at the ripe old age of old making up stupid stories about some Persian cat who had a heart ailment that everyone thinks died and Beth replaced it with a purebred Persian cat and tried to make herself famous with two books about the cat. Yoda the cat failed to get a third book deal after the first two embarrassing efforts on the part of Beth O'Old & Still Not Famous.

Howard did manage to pay for an ad for Beth and Yoda that was printed in Hamptons magazine for factory fug cushions from Cushion Source, which has supplied cushions for Beth's big cushion she sits on while taking selfies in the Hamptons at her home for feral cats called Stalag Beth. The manufacturer had to make a donation to the North Shore Animal League and use a phony airbrushed photo of Beth with Yoda for the ad in order to get into Hamptons magazine; the ad paid by Howard using his photo.

So where were the jealous Sterns on Saturday for the Women's March on Washington picketing The Don? Well, Beth's "cousin" marched since she loves that camera and pretends to know what the political issues are aside from her fame quest yet no one knows what she is but we think she plays for Team Caitlyn which is fine, no one cares, it's just hilariously funny since Howard pretends to be above the gay, lesbian, bisexual, transsexual, transgender communities since he married something spawned by Monster Zero yet had to publicly brag on his radio show several months ago that an Ostrosky [something called a Noel Clare] graduated from Pitt University along with Tiffany Trump and other notables.

Goddamn, look at those spaced apart creepy frog legs.

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