Sports Illustrated: Menopausal Moron Edition

Howard Stern can barely hide his jealousy and hatred of the real models of Sports Illustrated, a magazine that quite obviously Howard could not pay to get his fug monster nobody wife a cover feature and everyone knows that Beth has never received an offer to be featured in the magazine that wasn't a set up for the TV show "Punk'd". Beth and Howard are a laughing stock, oh yes, hasn't Howard heard the neighbors yet? I mean the Sterns are just hilarious what with Beth parading around playing supermodel with Howard running like a giant nerd to his basement iPhone photography studio to paste her image on a phony background. Beth haunts the hallways scaring away the ghost of Howard's ex-wife that keeps flying around inside as Howard cries over the loss of his first Hamptons house to the ex-wife in a divorce sale. Boy, he took a hit on that one since everyone knows divorce sales are giant tag sales to everyone else. Oh right, the ex got like, umm, everything, with Howard getting stuck with Beth and her plus-sized thongs.

Howard Stern keeps the comedy rolling as we wonder why he never became a road comic, something he addressed briefly this week on his rarely live stale satellite radio show. I guess he just didn't have the material like he's got now.

Gosh, was Heidi Klum a Sports Illustrated supermodel? Hmm, I think she was....like oh, a million other gorgeous gals, I mean, Beth couldn't even score the cover of the plus-sized edition. Beth will have to wait until the Menopausal Moron Obscure Satellite Talk Radio Host Wife edition.

Uh - oh, don't be so quick to judge pet food!!!! It's to the corner for you and no supper just because your are too judgmental!! Beth's got rules around her cat prison camp you know, and all the little subdivisions in New York, Florida and mom's house in Pittsburgh and her vacation house on Lake Michigan. So there!!! Now stay off Beth's Instagram you pet food harassers!!!!

So, the Hollywood kiss ass Jimmy Kimmel was on the stale Stern satellite radio show this week and he's getting the famous Hillary Clinton once again on his loser talk show since we know THE MOLLY loves the gals and we think Hillary is the dominatrix of the tribe, right? Hey, no judgment here, DBM loves everyone. 


Just saying, you know, while Kimmel's show is filmed in an old abandoned Freemason building with the underground tunnels connecting it to the formerly named Grauman's Chinese Theater while Jimmy can't keep out of the women's clothes, oh gee, like Howard? But gossipers are alleging the Xenu crowd thinks Jimmy's cute and Howard is desperate to get back on TV and insiders are reporting anonymously that Howard dons the big black robes and chants around an altar praying that Jimmy gets permanent whooping cough and will have to quit with Howard waiting in the wings to take over the late night talk show wearing fairy wings since he thinks they're funny with Beth pacing around inside her stall desperate to get another TV show other than that shitty Hero Dog Awards and staring at cats for the Hallmark Channel while claiming it's charity work.

#xenuhateshoward #bethsternSIreject

#kimmelpaidtoneutralizestern