Death Plays Chess

For over 15 years Howard Stern has known how to play chess and used to play with Robin Quivers' X, as in Mr. X, who was the subject of a bunch of rumors that he was married and worked security for Robin and was basically her paid servant at her beck and call. Everyone knows Robin, she's Howard's double wide trailer attachment who is rarely in the satellite radio studio since her bout with staged cancer much the same as Howard now with his latest contract he signed with cuts to his salary as well as the regular annual tightening of the belts and streamlining and firing of staff that goes on throughout Howard's contract terms. 

Howard has stopped playing chess since Beth O just paraded back and forth glaring at him when he was playing his online chess games or when Beth paid for a full day of fun with a chess master for Howard's birthday years ago and she was warmed by her gesture [yes, that's a quote, you can check it out on YouTube during the Dr. Ablow therapy session with Howard and Beth]. Howard used to frequent the Marshall Chess Club but Beth never went there as far as we know since Howard has his own life in the city with Beth on lockdown in the Hamptons. Emily the High Priestess of the Stern clan and general alibi in case he's caught, used to go to the Marshall Chess Club with daddy pretending to be Beth and all Howard did was watch the boys play. That's how those very old rumors started that Beth was tall and thin like Howard when it was only Emily glaring at everyone daring them to approach her laser like focus that would turn any man into stone.

So, we read in a few places in online tabloids about Howard's obvious skill at hunting down celebs when they are in New York and he had dinner, supposedly, on Father's Day with the Anistons since they thought they would be free and clear to have dinner at Nobu because of course the aged Howard Stern would spend father's day with his family or his daughters and enjoy a nice Noel Eclair with coffee following dinner. Nope, the Anistons were stuck with the Sterns [allegedly] on Father's Day with Beth and Howard getting those cheap tacky tattoos of an Apple with a worm or something, in honor of a cat that died over six months ago - OH just thought of it!! Gotta get a tattoo to honor a cat that never got an urn or a foundation named after it, nothing. Yeah, okay, but Howard and Beth are having difficulty with their script writers in that they actually want to be paid to make up shit like this and well, what can you expect on short notice, what with the Anistons landing in NY and Howard and Beth on high alert, STAR-CON 1.  Jen has been walking in and out of her building and around town everyday in Manhattan with her paid photog following her around since she is desperate for publicity. Her next big career move is to bury herself in the dirt and hope she can get some free publicity as a missing person.

Yes, Beth actually tried to make a point that she is turning 44 [cough cough] next month and I guess won't be getting anymore shitty tattoos to use as Instagram filler for her stale and moldy reality show The Real Housewife of Instagram. Like we all believe Beth doesn't check her phone for 12 hours, yet we know there is no timeline for Beth. She just has a bunch of photos posted randomly all day by her servants while she is off sniffing in the corner of her closet looking for powder remains as she stares at her reflection wondering where her beauty went when she remembers she never had it in the first place. This seems to be a phony publicity stunt to insert Judy O into Beth's Instagram reality show since now Judy is on board with this kitten fostering gimmick too and takes a few cats on vacation to her home in Michigan to count it as a cat rescue mission and they all have fun dipping into the Bianca's Furry Friends Foundation pot o'gold.

Filmmaker Louis Theroux

Well, the Stern satellite radio studio seems a bit empty without those aged scientology members parading in for an interview, gosh, don't we miss the tonnage update of Kirstie Alley? Howard does support their careers as long as they are famous, or once were famous since no one is a Pro Star Stalker, I mean fan, than Howard Stern. But he has been having major troubles getting any celebs to do his stale satellite show since it's not a national, free show, available to anyone who might want to listen. It is only available to the same stale group of Stern show listeners huddled around a satellite receiver wondering if it does anything but produce garbled reception until you throw it out the window. It's been rumored that Louis Theroux is getting Jen & Justine Aniston into a bit of hot water since he did a documentary about the Church of Scientology that has yet to have a release date, although it was screened last year in London and a few months ago at the Tribeca Film Festival. Critics are saying it's a Monty Python type take on the church, gosh, how cute, yet church members didn't think it was funny.

Scientologists are normally snubbed and don't win Oscars since they are all TV actors like Jennifer Aniston, with her awesome skill of staring blankly with her mouth open while her co-stars wait and wonder if she will actually speak any words. Yep, Jen was snubbed by the Oscar nominating committees for all of her films and having Howard and Beth Stern show up in Cabo a few times and then in LA at her faux wedding did zero for Jen or Justine's careers and was a major PR faux pas.


I don't think we can expect Mariah Carey to make any appearances anytime soon into the Stern Scientology Satellite Studio for an interview since it's been reported that her billionaire boyfriend has not left scientology, and Mariah is breaking up with him because she is fighting against being recruited into the church.

Not sure Howard can take it, but the gorgeous supermodel Heidi Klum is reportedly looking for a place in Soho and was spotted by photogs while Howard and Beth continue to eat sour grapes over the fact they got shown the exit door at "America's Got Talent" (AGT) as we wait to see what the next stale and sad publicity stunt Howard will try this week to deflect from the fact that AGT is a solid summer hit without Howard Stern dragging it down with Beth hopping around in the audience desperate for some camera time and another sentence added to her pathetic resume.

Heidi with the beautiful long legs and the Starbucks coffee while Howard Stern fights dementia and has a meltdown 'cause Heidi drinks it and he can't stand it as he refuses to face reality that he was kicked off TV once again.