CELEBRATION

Simon Cowell has finally arrived to save his show "America's Got Talent" (AGT) and was in true form taking back his much deserved spot on television as the top judge and receiving thunderous applause as now a true star maker is on board to find out if America has talent since the dumping of that dead weight Howard Stern, who was sinking that ship and had it stuck in one spot in an ocean of reality shows. Yes, eject that giant lump of no talent and clear the decks and make way for Simon Cowell, rocketing AGT to the top spot during the Summer months on American television. Simon pushed Howie Mandel out of his seat at the judges table and into the LOSER spot of Howard Stern, the cursed spot at the end of the table as we see if Howie can break the curse of the damaged, aged DJ who has the plastic and rubber pancake makeup and facelift under that weaved wig.

Fat Frump Beth vs Flawless Heidi

On Tuesday's stale satellite radio show, Howard Stern did little to hide his insane jealousy of Heidi Klum, the internationally famous supermodel and super mogul, who has TV shows in America and in Germany, which are shown all across Europe along with that internationally famous jetsetter billionaire Trust Fund baby boy toy, Vito Schnabel, who Howard can barely stand since he gets the models all the time while all Howard says is that he's fat...like, we care, right? Be as fat as you want to baby! I am there on that yacht at his beck and call unlike the beck and call girl Bethie, Miss Fat Ass barfly left behind sitting on that widening rear waiting for her ship to come in and all she got was a divorced and dejected DJ on a dead radio dial who sinks ratings and that's why he had to buy into a pay service and broadcast to the same group of people every week cheering on the aged interviewer who fired everyone in his studio so he sits in the dark with CGI special effects cameras, lighting and makeup listening to himself drone on about some aged celebrity everyone thought was dead. Beth Stern cannot compete with the real model with the gorgeous body as Heidi is always seen undressing for paparazzi cameras in exotic locales while Beth has to hide her huge flabby ass, thunder thighs and tree trunk legs from probing candid cameras. 

If Beth paraded around naked on the beach like Heidi does, Howard would kill himself since the tabloids would have a field day making endless fun of the flabby "model" wife of an aged dinosaur who still thinks he's shocking and edgy when all that is edgy is that cliff Sirius hopes his show will slide off of and free their budget of this debacle. Howard is desperate to keep his airbrushed image alive for SiriusXM, which is facing another bankruptcy challenge if someone doesn't once again bail out the fledgling company. Come on Howard, bail out your own company since you bought into the company about 10 years ago and it's been unsteady ever since what with mergers, buy-outs, bankruptcies, falling stocks, you name it. Hey, we need more Radio Andy - kick Stern to the curb - but, he'll never leave, it's all the poor old guy's got - good thing he ain't married to Kelly Ripa, she'd blow back that wig and tell him to get off his duff and start producing shit or she's headin' to divorce court, goddamnit.

Hard to believe this aged cheese with
the big fat potbelly works on his appearance
and has the nerve to call billionaires fat
while Beth hides from candid cameras
like her life depended on it.

Oh, right, don't forget the Kindle update! Oh yes, hope you all heard Howard with that bulletin on Tuesday, Howard saying he likes using Kindle over his glasses since you can adjust the screen text when we all know Mr. Bandaged and Swollen with the perm rods in his weave can't fit his nerd glasses on his head to read while on his Botox & Filler R&R breaks from his dull radio show while Beth spins out on Instagram wondering where her TV career went. Martin Short is supposed to tape an interview with Stern since he is plugging another gawd awful TV show of his, since his last TV appearance resulted in a doctor committing suicide - you remember, Dr. Fredric Brandt, who Short made fun of on that Netflix show "Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt" and took zero responsibility for a skit skewering the doctor and leaving poor Howard to find another needle doc to inject his face with fillers to look young - oh right, Howard IS young, OMG, and so is that panty filler Beth.

Poor Howard was on lockdown this past week since you really can only watch movies or read old lady enlarged print books on Kindle since being in the recovery room takes its toll, you get bored and that is the reason he was all upset about Daniel Craig turning down a lot of money to play James Bond again, as Howard talked about on Tuesday's satellite radio show. Well, it's because poor Howard was traumatized because he just saw the movie "The Mother" and it gave Howard flashbacks to attempting to have pretend sex with that middle aged cow he married with a blonde wig. So, Howard thinks Craig will be forced back into bad films like that instead of just doing Bond movies when sources allege that Craig's marriage is a sham anyway much like Howard's, right? Plus, sources allege that Craig wants to break free from Bond hoping a certain scientologist wife and her church leaders will break their grip from around his wallet.

"Oh My Foster Cat Mother" starring Daniel Craig and Beth O.

Early reports are positive for the return of Simon Cowell to American television. Go Simon - we just love seeing the behind the scenes footage of you with your awesome girlfriend and your adorable son, not like some people, who have to hide their children from prying cameras because they are embarrassing goober faced morons with barely a brain between them chanting around a house somewhere with a camera in their faces.