Goober Gets Graduated

Goddamn. No wonder Howard Stern made sure there would be no surrogate baby donor from the Ostrosky/Jarema Clan to pretend he had a kid with Beth O, providing aged Howard Stern with the drag queen costumes in the closet could actually father children. 

Beth O Stern had the nerve to post a photo on Instagram of her lazy-eyed "cousin" Noel Clare Ostrosky with the same genetic football head as Beth, posing with the cousin's dweeble goober mom with Beth trying VERY HARD to focus her lazy left eye and glares blankly into the camera gritting her horse teeth with her left eye dilated trying to make both eyes point in one direction at the same time while her wig is growing longer as she approaches her 47th birthday in July. Oh, Beth must mean this girl is her second cousin, right? And definitely not really her daughter or anything, right? Like, this was the real reason Miss Pudgy Beth was sent out of town after disappearing from college after her Junior year and sent to Europe to model in catalogs? Oh, but being 46 years old is really young when you are married to an aged prune with facelift tape under his weave who is in a fantasy he married a young model instead of an old stagehand pest stalking studios in New York and renting bar stools at Nobu until she bagged a married pigeon that would set up the O Family for life. 

Inbred genes run strong in the Ostrosky/Jarema families and it has been reported, that the 3-Mile Island nuclear power plant meltdown didn't help the deformities in those families with Howard Stern desperate to airbrush Beth's photos to make her look human and all he has accomplished is publishing a ton of blurry photos and posting them on the Internet or getting them published in free magazines nobody wants in the first place that end up in the garbage, thus forcing the closure of Conman Photography, LLC, I mean, Conlon Road Photography.

5-15-16, Heidi on a yacht in Cannes
with mega Hollywood producer
Harvey Weinstein who would like
Heidi to star in his wife's
designer clothing line.

Howard Stern appears to be ignoring the annual Cannes Film Festival this year, more like they are ignoring Howard, and are making sure he can't sneak into the country to saw in half Heidi's stilettos due to jealousy causing her to fall into the ocean. She is all over the French Riviera escorted by her billionaire boy toy Vito, as Heidi just seems to be getting younger and thinner with each passing year as Simon Cowell is reportedly wining and dining her like there's no tomorrow [they are both single, although both in committed relationships unlike Beth who is just committed and is on lockdown at Stalag Beth in the Hamptons and is never left alone but has spotters with her at all times since she has problems remaining vertical for more than two hours at one time with Howard reporting on his radio show the many times Miss Model trips and falls due to her left foot that points inward and has to get her shoes nailed back on her hooves which is expensive, having that farrier on call all the time].

Heidi is turning heads in Cannes and looking flawlessly thin [unlike some satellite radio DJ's pudgy menopausal wife] on May 16 attending The Harmonist cocktail party. Nobody invited the Sterns since they have no money to fly across the globe to attend anything without freebie Sirius corporate tix and someone to pay for the flight but since neither Beth or Howard are employed with any movie or TV company, they sit home and stew in their own failures.

Gosh, Kelly Ripa is all the buzz right now in the press and she is loving every minute of it since her husband is rumored to be flying the coop which is causing stress in the midget small person world of Kelly & Mark. Kelly wants her morning show moved to Los Angeles to: (1) Avoid having Beth Stern on her show again and (2) get Mark away from his alleged girlfriend who is allegedly getting a bit miffed at playing second fiddle to the wife but the kids aren't quite at that divorcing age, where it would be of minimal impact to Mark's deep pockets.

Yes, we know Andy will be a guest co-host, but allegedly he wants a permanent spot on the show since the alleged boot he might be getting from the Bravo network. Can't wait to see if Andy will dish on Kelly or if all will be smoothed over in the near future. Will this blind item be revealed? We have to watch what happens.

Well, Dame Beth-Man has some graduating chores to do herself, so have fun this week Beth Fans with your own kiddies to school or unschool, or whatever.