Ashes to Ashes

Beth Ostrosky, who changed her name to Beth Stern because the O name just wasn't working for her to become famous and has only succeeded in getting a ton of shows thrown off the air, like True Beauty, Spoiled Rotting Pets, Posh Pets, you name it pets and it's gone off the airwaves, but she needs to remind us again as to exactly why we are giving her money or are buying her paper products that end up in ashes in a landfill.

Beth gives her paid cat club Instagram followers a daily chance at seeing her aged and saggy body parts in various stages of dress and undress, photos of her closets filled with animal slaughter industry byproducts with designer labels on them, bizarre sleeping fetish selfies, psychotic eye selfies where she always looks like the dead corpse Marion Crane from the original movie "Psycho", but we've got to give her money. Even Howard Stern tells his satellite radio listener to give Beth money, to buy her shit children's books that teach kids to parade to an animal shelter, grab a purebred Persian cat and steal a name from the Star Wars movies, take him home and throw him in a room and shut the door behind you. Then check the cat's room later and scream at the help if shit is in the litter box and announce that you have to clean it up and claim it as charity work. Recently, Beth has decided to become a barren foster mom to deformed cats and bullies them into submission before dumping them onto a bunch of other people who are stuck with the cats for life. It's just amazing.

Beth gets free shit jewelry but she is supposed to promote it by wearing it somewhere but she isn't famous, she has no TV shows or movies so she just posts selfies on Instagram wearing the jewelry and she can pretend she's famous.

Then we have to worship the ashes of Beth's fat bulldog that was so obese it toppled over and it's heart exploded and she incinerated it and threw the remains in a giant urn in her bedroom at Stalag Beth in the Hamptons.  Wow, then she set up a big foundation named Bianca's Furry Friends (BFF) where WE the people have to DONATE CASH TO BETH to build a phantom cat adoption center at the charity that pays Beth a fat salary as their chief fundraiser and useless spokesperson, the North Shore Animal League (NSAL). Oh yes, the public has to fund it but guess whose name goes on the building, "Bianca's Furry Friends" and we just know Howard Stern wants his fat name on that building along with Beth, yet we have yet to find out exactly how much CASH they have donated which is reportedly a fat zero. Howard says his donations were those calendars he did that featured Howard's bizarre demented photos of menopausal Beth in various childish costumes, a calendar the PUBLIC had to buy to fund that cat adoption center that never starts construction. 

Oh right, and those horrid children's books that Beth writes that are gibberish and teaches kids nothing but that the money from the books goes straight into that invisible cat adoption center - not forgetting, Beth gets paid for all this, as the administrator of BFF along with her salary from NSAL. So Beth and Howard have a pretty good gimmick going on here, get the public to give them money while Beth rolls around on her back taking selfies and Howard poses for a few newspaper selfies and they call it charity work. Amazing, when all Howard and Beth donate end up in ashes, in a landfill in the form of his useless garbage calendars and books that are burnt beyond recognition which is exactly where Beth's big career is, the one where she thought she would have her own TV talk show, her own Animal Planet cable TV show, regular spots on TV and in movies, all up in ashes. 

Blind Buddy was portrayed in this book written by Beth who believes that Yoda can bully a blind cat into reading the house rules. Fortunately, Buddy was rescued by the veterinarian who saved its life and Beth moved onto more kitten photo props to badger until she tires of them and dumps them onto other people as documented on her Instagram site. 

What else is up in ashes? Well, Howard loves ashes, he loves to play with them since they are so much fun, right? Did he have fun playing around with Bianca's furry friend's ashes too? His TV career is up in ashes.

Howard Stern is a bit miffed that zero celebrities have taken up his cause, to give Beth money to roll around on a carpet all day and post selfies. The only celebrities that have donated to BFF [the foundation that hijacks the dough before giving a portion to NSAL to build that proposed cat adoption center] are already celebrity supporters of NSAL, where the cat adoption center will be built, like Billy Joel and Rachael Ray. Translation: Howard's charity gimmick is a massive failure. They reported on this cat adoption center since early 2013 and have failed to gain any mainstream celebrity endorsements and have failed to raise the original reported amount of $7 million. The Sterns can't raise shit and refuse to fund the adoption center themselves since the cat adoption center will be named after THEIR foundation, so THEY need to fund it, not the public, not celebrities, but only them instead of buying a white elephant in Florida for $52 million.

More proof Howard loves ashes? Well, they were actually small pieces of bone not much ash, but it's still disgusting and everyone knows Howard is a closet necrophiliac right? You wonder why Beth always closes her eyes with her arms outstretched taking selfies and she looks dead? Yep. Where did I hear that from? Oh, from Howard via Debbie Tay. You know, everything around him or that he touches goes up in smoke. But Howard, et al, had to pay up to the injured parties with the victim already in ashes.

Here's to hoping that after 10 years of sitting on a satellite, poor old Howard might eventually get one million Facebook "likes". Creaking up that hill, oh right, the SiriusXM company has millions of subscribers not Howard, nobody can stand that stale filler he produces every week. Everyone is tuning into Radio Andy.

RZ has about 4.5 million MORE "likes" than Howard Stern...ha...ha...ha

4-15-16

A few celebs were skating through Sirius last week and seemed to skip over Old Man Stern Satellite Radio, like Howard's hang out buddy Steve Martin, gosh, did he forget to pre-record an interview with Stern? Wow.

4-12-16

Have fun this weekend Beth Fans. Howard thinks I can't write about him or Beth for another five years but I think he can't produce a satellite radio show for another five years or that Beth can stay out of rehab for the next five years. It's all fun competition, isn't it? When will Stern give up the chase? When will Sirius scrape the barnacle off their hull? When will Beth admit defeat and selfie herself into a rabbit hole? Fun times ahead. Stay tuned.