Aliens Don't Want to Invade Beth

Yep, everyone's fuckin' in a UFO since the aliens love those easy Earth girls except Beth. UFO's are frequently sighted at night around Stalag Beth in the Hamptons and fly around the prison camp and then land in the ocean with the aliens creeping and crawling over the stone walls to peep through the windows because they are fascinated by Beth the balding earth creature stumbling around and tripping over her giant feet with hair falling out of her head that she picks up and whips that hot iron out of the holster strapped to her belt to heat the glue on the hair and stick it back on her head. Pictured below is the rarely vertical Earth girl that nobody wants to fuck on a Friday night, poor dear. Now Beth is resorting to black and white photography to erase that aged fug face and to hide her heavy spackle makeup. She also had that giant nose blurred along with that airbrushing of her giant chin implant and man's jawline. She is still having problems blurring the lines of those huge bags under those wonky eyes. She has to stare hard at a focal point to try and stop the crossed eyes but failed and can only show one eye at a time.

Beth has a terrifying life that she keeps hidden from public view and tries to relive her childhood as a grimy rarely vertical pest and covers up and hides the fact her parents had to keep snatching small animals from her to save them from the grim reaper, a.k.a., Beth sleepwalking during her troubled nights in Pittsburgh surrounded by The Fam and a dental damn daddy who was home busy cooking up more than just rabbit stew in the kitchens of the O Family Clan.

The Brothers Grimsby hit theaters and theaters hit it back with Debbie Schlussel doing her usual fearless reporting. It was a flop yet Howard loved it with the gay stuff, animal fucking, you name it this film has it and no one wants to see it but a few people with nothing to do and are cash poor and homebound [a.k.a., Howard Stern] who will see anything as long as it's free and they can pretend to be relevant and avoid hopping a freight train to crazy town in the Hamptons.

In that excerpt above, Howard also denied getting plastic surgery when it is quite obvious he has a pulled back face, botox between the eyes and had to purchase custom made new glasses with a wide square bridge because of the filler and swollen head, his regular glasses no longer fit on his face. The only other option would be he uses massive thick tape to pull his entire face up and is strapped to the top of his head like a cone, and then plops a square permed wig on top to make it not seem so obvious and wears thick makeup [which is obvious now in that special effects lighting studio where he films his radio show that is thrown online for free for whoever can stand it]. Whatever the hell he is doing, the secret insider jargon is called "lying for affect due to cowardice".

Howard Stern is back at ground zero wondering how he got stuck on a satellite with nothing to do but film himself hiding behind a giant computer and microphone hoping his face doesn't fall as he is once again begging to be on television yet not one cable show wants to air is daily dullfest that is mostly pre-recorded boredom anyway. He never could find a buyer for his overly long and boring self produced birthday show a few years ago and had to just provide it free on the Internet hoping to gain a few new subscribers. He has no bargaining tool except himself as the biggest tool in outer space that is all talk and no action with a radio show on a treadmill going backwards in time and all he wants to do is hear himself talk to an empty studio.

The following excerpts are from an LA Times article with the comments in red from DBM:

Well, it was a pretty grim past two weeks in the Stern world as we wonder how this aged irrelevant has-been is dealing with not being on TV anymore as he plots and plans his big comatose comeback as an online streaming demon of fleet street in that village away from the bad seed.