Chasing Rabbits

...And if you go chasing rabbits and you know you're going to fall, tell 'em a hookah-smoking caterpillar has given you the call. Call Alice, when she was just small.

Whatcha smokin' there Beth? Can we join you? Beth's high on that husband mandated Starbucks coffee with Howard pretending he actually stands in line for his own cup of Joe in his invisible man suit. So what's the story here, Beth never goes out, spent all her dough on the good stuff while rolling around on the floor with her wig half in a litter box and half in a meltdown wondering what happened to her big life that Howard Stern promised...hmmm....we might be seeing the expiration of Howard's part of the pre-nup. You know, the paragraph about how he is supposed to make Beth famous instead of just a famous laughing stock and Internet joke with her trail of sad memories of one-shot TV shows and now she lost out on those backstage and audience member shots during the tapings of "America's Got Talent" since the hubby got sent back to the radio and the entire show moved back to Los Angeles. Beth now has the big life doing zero. Oh, she's  a winner, she won the radio shock jock that no one was chasing but she chased him without even driving a car, or does she? Was it that SUV that ran over that feral cat Beth lovingly named Wonky? The one she said she just found in the bushes? Did he freeze to death in the cold weather? Wonky never got no foundation named after him, same with Apple the Cancer Cat, no foundation for him either? Wonder why, I guess she's got her wig full with that foundation for her dead bulldog Bianca taking up all her time. What a joke, raise anymore money honey for that invisible cat adoption center at the North Shore Animal League (NSAL)? Did you forget to break ground or are you just busy breaking wind and shooting the breeze and blowing hot air?

Photo is from Beth's Instagram.

Photo from Beth's Instagram
showing a typical day at Stalag Beth
with Mean Yoda the Cat bullying a
helpless prisoner.

If anyone is a real person out there and not a drone paid to manufacture dozens of fake Instagram accounts marked private to follow and comment on every fart Beth makes all day stinking up her Instagram site posting dozens of photos of herself and a few of her latest prisoners, you know that Beth constantly barks orders at her captured selfie photo prop cats telling them to get to bed or get back into the cat foster room. Beth likes to play a cruel game by leaving the foster cat room door open and baiting the cats to escape. They will venture into the lonely hallway of Stalag Beth in the Hamptons while Beth cackles when her bully son Yoda the Cat runs after them and swats at them until they are caught and thrown back into their wire cage in the foster cat room. It's quite a pathetic Instagram reality show performance. Wonder why the Bravo cable channel hasn't picked it up as a regular series.

This is the real story of Yoda the Cat that you won't read in those phony books Beth selfie publishes in the guise of charity work when all of her proceeds from the sales of those books goes straight to Beth, as the chief fundraiser and administrator of her own selfie foundation, Bianca's Furry Friends (BFF). No report has been released of the dollar amount she or Howard have donated to NSAL so that their foundation's name can be slapped on a proposed cat adoption center at NSAL, yet Beth happily collects dough from the public to fund the cat center themselves with her taking credit for everything. Beth collects donations for BFF and claims to hand it over to NSAL, so why the middle man? Why not just give a donation directly to NSAL? Beth is collecting money, taking a salary via BFF and giving a portion of the donated funds to NSAL who is at a snail's pace allegedly working on a cat adoption center. Hey, I don't draw the plans, I don't make up the blueprints for a steady cash flow. I just follow the funding of Beth's rarely vertical lazy ass life.

So what about Simon Cowell? Oh, he is very open and honest about his charity work and when he donates his time and money to a charitable cause.

Howard's got his groupons all printed out for Lure Fishbar in Miami. We sure hope he gets down there before they are all eaten out as the Food Network & the Katie Lee Hookah Channel hosted an oyster bash on Friday at the South Beach Wine & Food Festival. I just love a hairy monster shucking oysters at me before I barf and run out of the room.


Yep, she was there of course, Princess of the Hotel Bar scene where the aged pop rock stars just fall off the shelf and land right into your lap ripe and ready for marryin' and divorcin'. Katie was showing off her skills mixing shit with fake milk and plastic.







Gosh, a real hookah-smoking caterpillar was there too enjoying the festival.

Beth tries to cover up her bad skin with more greasy makeup when it would help if she actually washed her face once in awhile instead of haunting the hallways all night chasing those screams that are all in her head.

Oh, we just love Gigi Hadid gossip don't we.

The Oscars are Sunday night and I hope everyone is a big winner. We can't wait to see if Heidi shows up this year and stuns partygoers with her stunning gowns.