The Fantastic Four!

Simon Cowell officially announced the return of everyone for Season 11 of NBC's America's Got Talent...oh, except Mr. Pariah Ratings Killer, Mr. Old Fart Radio who had the nerve to give only a two second tribute to the great David Bowie on his satellite radio show this week. Oh, it was more important to talk about Robin Quivers' wig run to England as she does the touch down and return in no time and was back safely in her double first class seat being rocked to sleep over the Atlantic while waiting for her prime rib dinner. Howard Stern, Mr. 62 years old celebrated a birthday on Tuesday and has a coffin in the green room waiting to cart him away since he refuses to retire until every TV talk show host dies so Howard can claim he is the winner.

What will Howard do when Season 11 goes through the roof with stellar ratings? What story and excuse does Howard have cooked up inside that weave from the Nobu fish bar? How will Howard explain it? Oh, Howard was too edgy for prime time television, right, he was so edgy he almost fell off his chair at the judges table due to the shakes and trying to keep that pancake makeup from cracking from the hot stage lights. Edgy as in boring, and no one outside of New York knew who he was anyway. Radio DJs are not famous. Beth had better hang onto that fuckin' ugly faux fur purse since she will need it in her estate sale when the old fart's head explodes from all that coffee to settle his shakes every morning while begging his psychiatrist for more wake up pills while he spends those long hours at night at Sirius pre-recording his boring show for the week.

Photo from Beth's Instagram. She was in the Big Apple this week to celebrate her old husband's birthday and her purse says "Fur Free Fur" as her DJ husband can't afford real fur but he can afford tons of leather goods with designer labels stamped on their hides and Beth calls it animal activism.

In real celebrity model news, Heidi Klum was at the UNICEF Ball in Beverly Hills on January 12, with one of the honorees David Beckam without his wife in tow; better watch it, Heidi might be free soon in spite of rumors of impending nuptials in Paris.

In other real model news, Jerry Hall is engaged to a super rich old man, media mogul Rupert Murdoch who evidently has no interest in having anymore children and is satisfied with the leggy blonde who is pushing 65. Real models are smokin' hot as Jerry shares the same vice with the gorgeous Heidi Klum yet Sheri Zombie [famed groupie wife of Rob Zombie] has announced she has been smoke free for over a year since a photog caught her with the cancer stick in June 2014 in Paris. It has long been rumored that both Howard and Beth can't give up smokin' the fags yet it seems to make them look like burnt cigarettes in an ashtray and is aging them rapidly.

Sorry, Bethie, but real billionaire media moguls who don't have to depend on corporate sponsors to get a free vacation at their mausoleum in Florida want real models as wives and girlfriends, not a fug from Pittsburgh with invisible modeling photos from Europe, the UK, South Africa, Greece, and the Gaza Strip Club. 

Gee, I wonder how many television shows Murdoch could have bought for Big Bethie and all she got was a stale DJ with a firecracker that went off in his wig who could only score an annual shit show for Beth of cats on a continuous video loop swatting cat toys for the Hallmark Channel, a corporate sponsor of the charity that pays Beth a salary as their useless spokesperson, the North Shore Animal League. 

Well, Jerry Hall's engagement announcement should be good for another 84 visits with an analyst's couch for Beth as she bites on a bullet while her doctor shoots her with an animal tranquilizer. How convenient she has that in the fridge along with other medicinal drugs all disguised as veterinary medicine for those captured feline photo props at Stalag Beth since Beth never knows when those cats will stage a coup and overthrow her regime. No wonder she likes blind and disabled cats to pretend to foster for 10 days, she is afraid of a mutiny on her bounty. WOW, eat your heart out Bethie...no comparison.

Maybe Howard can get back on television by selling his idea to Simon Cowell about a reality show called Who's Got the Biggest Dick and Howard can be the host and analyze all the dicks in show business and come up with a scoring system and Beth can be the taste tester [wasn't that what she did at the Scores Strip Club in NY that was shut down due to alleged graft and corruption? Don't know.]

Happy Belated Birthday to Rob Zombie who turned 51 years old on January 12 and his star continues to rise with the premiere of "31" at the Sundance Film Festival this month and his new CD coming in April.

#jerryhall #robzombie #florida #fur #free #mccartney