One Less Red Carpet

Reality is finally sinking into that football head of Beth O'Stern as she has one less red carpet to count on for the coming years of photo ops and reasons to buy those plus sized designer knock-offs from the bargain basement of Saks with Howard Stern's long time companion and fashion consultant/stylist Ralph Cirella spending hours taking out the seams and letting down hems to cover up and hide those famous tree trunk legs of Beth Stern.

What am I talking about. Okay. Beth just realized she has lost an easy gallop down a red carpet, a guaranteed spot on the regular media pages on the Internet where she tries to get into dress fights with actual celebrities and clog the Google search pages with dozens of photos of herself hogging a red carpet until security has to come in with the nets and drag her off to a control area where she can be tagged and tranquilized and stuffed into her waiting limo to take her back to her hell house in the Hamptons with that one large kitten room on lock down until the selfie monster is ready for her photo shoot and wobbles into the room staring at her latest round of captured cats in wire cages and she makes her inspection of the litter boxes hoping to find something there she can clean up and count it as charity work.

Okay, what am I saying? Beth has lost a major red carpet...drum roll...the "America's Got Talent" (AGT) red carpet events where Beth normally paraded in front of cameras with her failed America's Judge Howard Stern, the guy who jumped to the microphone on his rarely live stale satellite radio show to announce he quit before his contract was up for the 10th season of the reality competition show. Why? Because AGT producers have had it with Beth's bullshit that she was a famous model throughout Europe, the UK, Greece, Babylon, Rome, Atlantis and the Bermuda Triangle.


However, AGT knows that Howard is invisible outside of New York where he is the fun old dinosaur that tourists love to point at and remember when he used to be famous for his shock jock antics on free radio with that wig that grew faster than any real hair on a normal person...right, we know all that, and moving AGT back to a community property state was a sure way of getting rid of Howard. But, the major decision to get the hell out of New York and get the show back to Los Angeles was to be free of that carpet mole Beth Stern. No one could take it anymore, she is not famous, she has no work product, she isn't in the entertainment industry unless you count those hilarious wigs, heavy makeup and bizarre facial expressions, well, that has some entertainment value and fills the pages of this blog to the delight of readers who have never seen such a sight outside of a looney tunes cartoon.

Poor Beth. No more AGT red carpet for the pudgy honey bunny, one less red carpet in her selfie world spinning nowhere but in a constant loop of stale cat videos and parading on that Hallmark Channel ad nauseam for the same shitty shows each year showing a bunch of cats on a continuous video loop playing with stale cat toys. Wow, sky's the limit for this rocket with the rock n' roll life of throwing cats around her cat room in the Hamptons, all stocked with food and cat supplies provided by the charity that pays Beth a salary as their chief fundraiser and useless spokesperson, the North Shore Animal League, costing Beth about 0.0 of her own personal cash, oh that she is saving for a rainy day called death, meaning, the death of her rarely seen in daylight husband who can't afford to quit working for a salary from his corporate cloud housing a bunch of paid corporate subscriptions barely keeping those dead and dying satellites orbiting around the Earth that have to be relaunched every 48 days costing hundreds of thousands of dollars in wasted air time.

Beth Stern on the set of the Hallmark Channel's Kitten Bowl to be aired next month. This woman has no business around any live animals.

One less red carpet, one less outfit to buy, one less wig to glue onto her head, one less bell to answer....one less fish to fry....one less man to pick up after, no more laughter, no more tainted love, since he lives in his new place in a village since around December 2014 with his new satellite radio show time of one hour later due to an extended commute time that began January 2015....whistle, whistle, whistle....readers of this blog already knew that over a year ago.

Cry cry cry... we will all miss Beth hogging that AGT red carpet and goofing on her stupid outfits with that husband with the potbelly and flab and sag he covers up and hides.

Have fun this weekend, Beth Fans. Let me know if I miss anything.