Let's Go

First we've got the ever awesome Heidi Klum, the genuine article, a global supermodel that Beth wishes she could fit her giant man feet into her supermodel shoes as Heidi is gearing up for a stellar season with her clothing lines, endorsements, you name it, this hot model is doing it. This gorgeous natural beauty, who has her own hair, as in, it just grows naturally out of her head that way and doesn't rely upon tiresome hair extensions like Beth and only needs the sunshine to get those luscious locks to grow and grow as she is in Sydney, Australia and stopped by to help out Ben Stiller with promoting his upcoming flick Zoolander No. 2 soon to hit theaters, featuring a bunch of star cameos such as [hold your breath, Howard] Justine Bieber and also featuring Anna Wintour [the woman who brought down Vogue magazine and made it a borefest and it only takes the highest bidder to score a cover and Howard refused to pay...oh, it was for him not Beth] as well as other stars. No word if Beth Horninsky got a cameo role as a fat model from Pittsburgh playing a groupie of Zoolander...oh forgot, according to whomever writes Beth's fictional online bios it would read that she plays Zoolander's love interest yet the actual movie role would be completely different and normally Beth ends up in a two second spot before the ending credits roll.

Heidi with Ben stiller attended the purple carpet
premiere of Zoolander No. 2 in Australia on 1-26-16.

Second, we've got the super stellar Sundance Film Festival premiere of Rob Zombie's horror film "31" which generally received positive reviews except for his wife of course who is looking more like her famous husband as the years roll by and they hang onto a semblance of their marriage as he continues to cast the main female leads in his films with much older actresses than Sheri which is getting more difficult with each of his movies.

Rob and Sheri sat down for a Q&A session at the IMDb studios at the Sundance Film Festival and revealed they are giant jigsaw puzzle fans and received a jigsaw puzzle as a gift from the host of the show. We can't wait for Howard Stern to discover this and steal it as his own idea and will claim he and Beth need to unwind from bothering producers with buying Howard TV and have to work on a jigsaw puzzle together of a photo of Gina Gershon's private parts while she claims she was never a legit prostitute and all those old stories about her are categorically false.

Lastly, we've got old man news, and have to slow it way down now as we heard on Stern's satellite radio show that a diabetic balding man with a blubber butt has a new book out telling people about the fast food places across America and which are the best menu items at each fast food dive and we think he expects people to actually take his advice and eat the food there and not which ones have the best restrooms when you are on a road trip while you are scouting for a real restaurant. Yes, it's Jon Hein, who created "Jump the Shark" and wrote a book about it and Howard Stern hired him before he could say that Howard Jumped the Shark in 1997 following the release of that semi self financed borefest called "Private Parts" with Howard wearing a wig on a wig to show the various stages of his wigged past and the rise of his various wigs to the top of the shock jock morning zoo radio market and he is still doing that same ol' shtick to this day.

Well, this is nothing new out of the Stern studios, I mean, we got a giant fat woman selling vegan recipes to the public claiming it saved her life from staged cancer only to have the woman go back to eating everything in sight, meaning animals with a side of french fries along with greasy Thai food and she claims to have scared off any remaining cancer cells and we believe it. Yep, Robin Quivers no longer eats real food that saved her life, meaning vegan food in this case, as she wrote a book about vegan recipes. Now, apparently, Robin just wishes to die and Howard wishes she would die too [I mean that in the nicest way possible] to free up more dough to finance Howard TV and get Beth back on television before her iPhone explodes from selfie overload.

What's next to come out of this morning zoo bunch? We've got the selfie monster dumping cats onto people who refuse to save any kitty cat lives at their own municipal cat shelters and Beth sits in her 89 room Hamptons home, barren and empty in the head and elsewhere and refuses to house her own so-called rescue cats herself and make herself their forever mom. Nope, gotta keep the treadmill going or Beth would have no gimmick to market in her fame quest and that would be a shame since she might actually ask to live with Howard again and his new beau-friend Felix the cough, cough, tailor while Howard plans on horning in on that photography gallery showing of his daughter Emily with Howard sneaking in his own 3rd grader paintings and askew goofy airbrushed photos of Beth in a plus sized G-string bikini. That was the hold up, right Emmie darling? Daddy wanted to horn in and it was all botched up what with that big publicity item in the Post and everything, only to have your photography show canceled at the gallery [by appt only, I know, no bloggers allowed].

Turn to the right!!!!!!! Beth couldn't do her normal stiff modeling school pose of staring at the cats she is dumping onto new pigeons because they pushed her into the wrong side of the photo so she did the quickie fake to the right pose since she tries to hide the cursed right side of her face in photos and only wants to show the left side with the Botox frozen smirk. Beth is a Ninja Selfie Master! She's got the black belt in frozen selfie poses. All she needs is that little sign with the numbers on it...I know, purged since she was a minor, don't tell me.