Shock Jock Wisdom

Howard Stern thinks he's the next
Barbara Walters but has yet to score
an interview with any A-Lister.

Howard Stern is desperate to leave behind his shock jock years and dissing celebrities on his morning show to now kissing their asses hoping they throw some scraps his way and consent to appear on his show and pretend he is a real talk show host. Oh but wait, he does still insult mainstream celebrities in the press to get attention, the shock jock way, since the old dog with the wigs can't come up with any new tricks. But hey, didn't you know that Barbara Walters started this way? Oh yes, she started her career evaluating naked girls for Playboy and the next day she was interviewing Moammar Gadhafi and Katherine Hepburn. Howard is a fake and a phony, grabbing onto anything that will stick and keep his morning zoo DJ D-List name in the press.

Right, when I want an opinion
on gun control, an aged cheese
with dyed hair is the first
person I will ask.

On Wednesday's stale satellite radio show Howard could only get a recorded interview with a literal Old Fogey as in John Fogerty from a band of the late 1960's and way too long in the 70's with the music fit for nerd loser parents who think that music is cool. Howard Stern, Mr. Cornball Howard Sprague dying to be cool by listening to old fartman music, wow Stern, riveting radio you got there. Fogerty? Isn't he 80 yrs old with a fat fug wife who looks like a linebacker in a blonde wig? Ummm, yes. Howard Stern, the hero of the old farts desperate to remain relevant by selling their boring books with their big opinions while they tour gambling casinos in the US.

Mr. Dye Job Fogerty with the glued
on pieces in the front of his head
and the pancake makeup was at the Stern birthday
bash, a 112 Production since Howard could get
no one to produce it for him since he's a giant
morning zoo idiot with no fans.

But wait, old fartman Howard was actually dissing Jay Leno on Wednesday's satellite radio show? Did I get that right, that Howard said that Jay Leno's new show, Jay Leno's Garage [which is an extension of his hit You Tube show] is a show no one will watch? My gosh Howard, sour grapes much? Howard Stern, with that stale Howard TV finally kicked off a pay cable channel and Howard being kicked off NBC's America's Got Talent. Get your own TV show first Howard, then diss Jay Leno.

Gorgeous sidekick you got there Leno, better than Horse Faced Beth Horninsky or an obese vegan liar who claimed she had cancer instead of a pay dispute meltdown and lap band explosion. Ha, Howard kicked off television with nothing while his wife had all her shows canceled after about 13 episodes eons ago.

Don't forget, Billionaire Howard still wants the public to fund his wife's career of doing nothing but lying around on her ass taking selfies and calling it charity work. Howard Stern who thought it was a good idea to steal the Yoda character name from the Star Wars franchise in a pitiful bid to yet again make his reject wife a celebrity and get her free press on the Internet with the Google Yoda searches. Well, nobody could stand the dolt who was famous for nothing but pretending to be a model, so onto the charity gimmick and barking orders at Howard to fund a bunch of books about her snatched Persian cat she claims was abandoned, right, an abandoned Persian cat in the Hamptons, what is this, lie #112? Howard thinks the public will swallow this shit and is terrified to tell his nobody wife to go take a shit in the Atlantic Ocean and stop badgering everyone to make her famous.

These people already have a cat
dumped on them from Beth as Beth
said on the BFF Facebook site. Multiple
adoptions by the same families as Beth
is running out of new pigeons.

More morons [pictured left] who are selfie obsessed pose with one of Beth's kittens in another Snatch & Dump session staged by Beth O'Famous For Nothing. Yes, Bethie is making a living off of donations from a stupid public who think that Beth's little routine of having her paid servants snatch kittens from local municipal shelters before they can be adopted is actually charity work. Oh, haven't you heard? Selfies are now considered charity work while Beth does nothing but stick her mug in a camera all day since she is obsessed with her image if anyone can stomach her Instagram site filled with her fat nose and wigs as she stuffs her body into Howard's Victoria's Secret pajamas and poses in weird positions to make herself not look fat.

So, when did Howard start the transformation from a morning zoo idiot into a serious talk show host worried about current issues and social problems while pandering to the Hollywood elite? Well, around 1999 when it was made public that Howard was going through a messy divorce battle with wife #1 as reported by various Internet sites while Howard claimed on the air he was in love with his wife and everything was great and their divorce proceedings were a fun party yet snuck in the fact a mediator had to be called in since the Judge had to break up the fight between the two with each demanding the whole pot of money...well you know, in the end Howard got his Manhattan apartment and his resident hangers-on consisting of Ralph Cirella and Beth Ostrosky. It was made public Howard had to sell his Hamptons home he owned with wife #1 and had to start rebuilding his life and his radio audience who had left in droves following his divorce. Yes, Howard was scrambling for dough and had to fire a lot of radio staff as audiences came to realize Howard was just a typical creep on the radio with a fat head thinking he could move on from his divorce by scoring a young hot model when all he scored was a young hot potato who lied about her age and her history [European model? Ha, try Pittsburgh and Jersey].

Howard loved parading in the new Buchwald acquisition Beth O into the studio with the obnoxious copying of the famous Jackie O and Beth deeming herself equal to celebs and models using only one name is sick and delusional with Howard forcing everyone to worship her or face being fired and everyone was mandated to be jealous of Howard since he scored such a "thing" that has yet to be identified but it came from Pittsburgh while its daddy came from a federal prison with its mommy ensuring her "it" daughter got a wedding ring along with the pre-nup demanding Stern make it a star. 

Howard married a giant nobody who was merely a local plus size model getting a few ads in the newspapers and in D List catalogs that no one has heard of with zero evidence she ever modeled in Europe in spite of Beth's own words that she got the cover shot of a catalog in Switzerland for ski clothes. Poor Beth was a superstar model that never got the breaks, never submitted to a casting couch to get that coveted SI cover, right? According to Beth, right? Never got that cover of Vogue because she never slept with her photographer...oh, except Howard Stern, who could only get his ugly girlfriend Beth on the cover of a shitty obscure magazine for pre-teens without the Internet called "FHM", which quickly went out of business in the US after featuring the wide body OLD girlfriend of Howard Stern, who he launched into the public eye when the monster was already in her 30's, oh right, every model starts their big career at 34 years old. 

#Throwback Thursday: How about throwing that wife back to Pittsburgh? No? Can't do it? No tranny waiting in the wings to take her place? Howard and Beth always infer there is a casting couch, and Princess Polly Purebred refused to sleep with any photographer [except Howard] who could get her on a cover of a magazine. Now what photographer other than Mark Lewis [Peeping Tom/1960] would lust after Beth and promise her a cover on any magazine let alone any major ones like Vogue, SI, Elle...? 

#Throwback Thursday Howard whose daddy loved to wear dresses at family gatherings and mom was a crazy chanting irritant pushing Playboy in everyone's faces while parading around in her giant bra and girdle telling Howard she is what real women look like and not those women in Playboy. Yes, Howard Stern, the guy who said he had sex with all the chicks at camp and in college. Many years ago [I cannot locate the photo online anymore] The National Enquirer ran a photo of Emily Stern at Summer camp and this is what she looked like many nose jobs ago except she was wearing a shirt of course. Like daddy like daughter...is he wearing a barrette to hold back that hair? Not sure what he is doing in this photo other than mating with a fence post..ha, I made another Beth joke.