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Spackle pancake makeup and facelift
tape make Howard Stern camera
ready for the live tapings of AGT.

The talentless unfunny Howard Stern with the clown red buttons and permed thicket weave raced onto the red carpet on Tuesday night for the final countdown of Stern's deflating contract with NBC to appear on their summer filler show "America's Got Talent" (AGT).

Howard is still reeling from being the paid spokesperson for the media West Coast wedding of Justin and Jennifer Aniston and is in a fruity tizzy over the fact that they really like him! They really really like him!! Oh goody, as they timed their publicity event so that Stern could not horn in on their honeymoon with the real clique to Bora Bora since Stooge Stern has to work all summer to make those split ends meet on his head.

August 11,  Frau Beth in her army
green cap dumps another
shell shocked prisoner onto a family who
negotiated its release from Stalag Beth
via an FBI mediator.

Beth broke her bridle and strayed outside the paddock on Tuesday and held a cat dumping ceremony instead of her normal routine of Sunday [as documented on her Instagram site]. Why? Oh, so she won't throw herself down a flight of stairs again to get Howard to stay home with her or come flying out of the ladies room head first [stunts she has done in the past to get her way] and fuck up his big live performance on AGT in New York since she's nuts. Beth gets super mad when she can't be the center of attention and hog a red carpet. So her relatives are on 24 hour fame whore watch at Stalag Beth to keep the wackjob from crashing the AGT red carpet and escorted her to her kitten dumping session to prove she is famous and has her own full life! Yes, full of shitty animal stunts to get her mug in the press. 

Beth is still on her never-ending selfie promotion of those gawd awful amateur Howard Stern photos featured in the August issue of Social Life magazine and keeps posting them on her Instagram site. Keep it up Beth, you are soooo selfie famous!

Gorgeous Heidi Klum rocked the red carpet on AGT Tuesday night fresh from her European vacation with her billionaire boy toy boyfriend who Howard is jealous of. Can't break into that clique, right Stern? The billionaires boys club is for real billionaires, not paper billionaires and guess what, they get real models not plus size fit models where their runway is in a basement in New Jersey.


Where was Howard when the in crowd jetsetted to France for the Leonardo DiCaprio Foundation fundraiser on July 22? Oh Heidi and her billionaire boyfriend Vito were there and guess who else, Howard's recent crush Orlando Bloom who he has been talking about ever since the faux Aniston wedding. The has-been morning zoo DJ Stern believes he has finally made it and is a bona fide celebrity. Ha ha ha. Try and crash the jetsetters Stern, oh right, you panic when you have to travel since you now sit home with the shakes with your coffee and ciggies trying to not touch that Vodka in the liquor cabinet as you stress out over your growing pot belly.

July 22, St. Tropez, France,  Heidi and Vito attend the gala event to benefit the Leonardo DiCaprio Foundation to preserve the environment and wildlife worldwide. He set up the foundation in 1998 and this was the second annual St. Tropez gala event and raised about 40 million dollars. And how much money has Beth Stern raised for her foundation, Bianca's Furry Friends? Well she raised enough to buy a Florida mansion and we hear no updates of the status of her capital project to build a kitten shelter at the North Shore Animal League, a charity that pays her a salary as their useless spokesperson.

July 22, Leonardo gets the celebs and royals to come out for cocktails and a fundraiser in Saint Tropez, France, to benefit his foundation. Where were the Hollywood insiders Beth and Howard? Oh, hiding from people who want them to donate cash to their foundations while they badger the public to fund an invisible kitten shelter at the North Shore Animal League.