Coffee Talk

Yenta Howard Stern introduced a new segment on Monday's stale satellite radio show and that was coffee talk! Yes, it appears the old decrepit Howard Stern is fighting that morning hangover and has to take several shots of black coffee to sober himself up for his show and remain vertical for about four hours to read a bunch of commercials and hit all the product placement ads throughout his scripted holocaust. His show has been moved from 6 AM to 7 AM after 30 years on the radio since Howard lives farther away from the studios now and doesn't he have to drink? How else do you describe his marriage? No judgment, just asking. I have to get drunk just to write this blog and I'm not married to a whorehound.

I will give you a topic: The Australian singer/songwriter Sia is really 50+. Discuss.

Who can blame the old man? He has a lot of drama in his pitiful lonely life begging for scraps at the table of fame. As this blogger has stated more than once, Simon Cowell was reportedly furious over the alleged leaked Sony email where it was discussed that he wanted to replace Howard Stern for season 10 of "America's Got Talent" (AGT). That little prank by Howard sent Simon to the chopping block looking for Stern's weaved permed head. So there you go Stern, the show is being moved back to Los Angeles; there is more than one way to get rid of a leech that is sucking ratings dry during the summer months.

How about some reality? Oh yes, the bat signal went up and Stern and Beth [big giant morons always available since they do nothing and no one is looking for them or to hire them to tank their ratings] raced to LA on the corporate dime of AGT to race to the Aniston wedding to prove it wasn't bogus...oh right, the preacher was Jimmy Kimmel. It sounded like a skit for Saturday Night Live. Who are we kidding here? It stinks like a 112 Howard Stern Production much like Howard's bogus media wedding at a bar in a tourist trap in NY to that prize heifer he married. 

Howard was all over the press, on the Internet and television about how he was the Bogus Wedding Spokesperson and the insider reporting on Justin and Jen Aniston's staged fun wedding at their home in LA before jetting off with their entourage on a honeymoon in Bora Bora [I know, sounds perfect for the Boring Boring Sterns], but alas, Howard had to be at work and Beth had to get back to Stalag Beth in the Hamptons and throw some more fragile kittens around her closet and get to breaking some bones aside from making all the kittens sick with one or two suddenly under quarantine. Well, it's tough running a kitten prison camp, good for Frau Beth for doing it. She is making all her Nazi relatives who are burning in hell, proud, go girl, the master race loves you; only you are a fraction of the master race, like, in those big feet of yours.

And the cell phone drama? When the Anistons had their giant bodyguards confiscate all cell phones before entering their home where their wedding was to take place because poor Jen didn't want her fug face photographed without photoshopping? Nope, not the reason. The sole reason was to stop Beth O'Borefest from boring all the guests pushing her iPhone in their faces to show them ad nauseam all her photos from the August issue of Social Life Magazine, photos by Howard. Yes, it was Beth who was banned, but they had to make it a global rule to avoid prosecution. You would ban cell phones too if you saw what was comin'. Beth showing off those elephant stumps and enormous thighs. This is another hilarious gawd awful photo by Howard.


Hey, Howard has to spend that AGT expense account before the time bomb goes off and Stern is sent back to the Hamptons to fry with that toasted wife all summer who stated in the past that she only drinks Starbucks Chai Tea Lattes in the morning, then her liquid lunches perched on her monogrammed bar stool at the local pub, and then a huge pizza pie and a gallon of Clooney wine for dinner. Gosh, I'm craving that Starbucks coffee all of a sudden. 

Wake up Howard. Wouldn't you
just die if Dame Beth-Man was
really a man and looked
like this gorgeous hunk? Just
your type Howard. No wonder
you love that coffee...talk.

Could it be the power of Howard stern talking it up because he just bought a chunk of the stock as a wedding gift to his middle daughter and her no-lister future hubby who can't stop asking you if you want whipped cream on your latte? Like father like daughter, they seem to pick the same marriage mates. How sweet. Cheer up buddy, pre-nups are not all bad, ask Beth. Besides, you landed a Stern Trust Fund Baby. I happen to know Howard bought you that little Starbucks in the Oakland Hills so you don't have to leave your comfort zone.