The Doubtful Bill Dodger

Howard Stern certainly is a tortured man once again with the first time claiming he was tortured because he was married to wife #1 and couldn't bed Heather Locklear, Courtney Love, Madonna or Sharon Stone in his fantasyland basement dwelling hiding from his family with his daughters locked out for fear they would see that they really had two mommies. Now Howard is a tortured man because he is married to wife #2 and can't bed his imaginary lovers like Bradley Cooper, John Stamos, Neil Patrick Harris or Lena Dunham [Howard has evolved].

As we sit and wait for more creditors and construction workers to bang on Stern's empty shell house in Florida demanding payment we wonder if Howard knows his wife is dating again. Beth had a cute tubby date on July 18 at the Southampton Animal Shelter Foundation, 6th Annual Unconditional Love Gala event. 

Inebriated Beth thought this charity event was a laugh-riot as that lawn kept shaking beneath her feet and she had to hold on tight to her date, Dominic Marino, DVM, at the Southampton Animal Charity Foundation event on July 18. Spies reported that the date ended with the doctor pouring Beth into her limo and sending her back to her padded cell at Stalag Beth.

Howard is pretending to be in semi-retirement while he frets over how he is going to stuff his flabby bottom and huge thighs into skinny pants for the live taping of his final [we hope] episodes of "America's Got Talent" and pretends to not care that his career roof is caving in and is taking more fright photos of his menopausal wifey having to erase her features and smooth out that tired baggy skin and make her shut her eyes since she can hardly control that left lazy eye to save her life.

Gosh, can you tell which of the photos above was taken by Howard Stern? Big mystery, but it's the demented little girl photo with the kitty cat. Beth and Howard need therapy since they are aging so badly and can't face eating another giant pizza on the porch at Nick and Toni's restaurant without crying in their one glass limit of red wine while Beth puffs away on that cigarette adding tons more lines to that haggard face that Howard has to erase in post production of all his stupid iPhone photos of his social pariah wife.

It's finally Friday and Beth has finally found her niche. Posing with a couple of aged Martians with Beth holding her breath in her girdle dress wearing 7 inch heels to prove she is taller than the bald guy in the photo while they capture homeless animals and pose with them and claim it's charity work while badgering the public for dough to fund their charitable salaries.