Waxing Poetic

As Howard Stern's popularity among the working class declines in record numbers, his rich circle of friends expect to be paid to be friends with Howard Stern, as in that recent Instagram item from Beth Otorsky wherein she states she snagged two Sphynx cats [a very expensive and rare breed], that she just happened to find at some unnamed local county animal control facility somewhere around Florida or Alabama or wherever the heck they said they were from. Payola much? Kissin' celebrity ass, Bethie? What else did Lena expect when she was used in that staged stunt by Howard Stern when he called her fat and they had their little faked feud in the press, then she showed up at the old fart's birthday party to show they are friends.

It's called lies, honey.

The fabricator of tall tales Lena Dunham is expecting those rare cats from Bethie very soon I suppose. I guess Beth will deliver them to the door of the pretty little liar, oh right, not a liar, just a giant fake storyteller surrounding a true incident where she claims to have been attacked by a man in her younger days. Pardon me while I laugh hysterically, oh girl power, all that, don't diss the fat girls it might be construed as bullying even though she has the face of a bulldog.

We hope this item doesn't ruin Howard's day filled with self hypnosis and ghostwriting a bunch of articles about how great he is, but Miss Heidi Klum, global superstar, is again immortalized in wax first in Berlin in 2010 [left] and now recently in Austria. 

There is no stopping this supermodel who is still marketable in her 40's whereas Princess Pariah Bethie had to latch onto the oldest woman in the U.S., Lois Pope, who is desperate to dump her millions into a charity tax shelter to keep her kids from ousting her out of the homes they hope to inherit some day, providing devils can die.

We are not sure about Miss Pope, who Howard Stern hopes will finally make Beth famous. Sometimes just being plain mean gives you a purpose in life. Just ask Bethie. Her purpose is showing up all the kids back home that teased her for being a cross eyed frump at 9 years old, poor thing, subjected to bullying. But Beth got them all back, she now holds the soulless position of useless spokesperson for both the North Shore Animal League and the Hallmark cable channel that is stuck with her forever with that animal rescue gimmick.

So, will Howard Stern sign up again to keep broadcasting from satellites that keep getting lost in space? Oh, who cares that the medium is struggling to stay afloat. Even Oprah Winfrey cut and run. She is Miss Hollywood mogul and movie producer now, having won two Oscars and counting. Here's a dose of reality for Howard Stern as he paces and paces all night hoping to work up a sweat since he never eats in between meals and refused to eat any cake for Mel B's birthday, which was on May 29. 

The frizzy permed wig is sitting way in the back and refuses to eat cake since his hardened pancake makeup might peel off. Can't let those carbs add to that flab and sag he's got going on in the stomach and thigh areas.

Suck it up Howard, you are on a pay service, you got kicked off free radio and you are embarrassing yourself on "America's Got Talent" with that dopey bubblegum act you are doing reading from a script. Beth Stern says you are retiring to Florida in a few years, so these articles won't be around to bother your pointy head anymore.

Let's do the IRS dance so 112 Productions doesn't 

have to start practicing the Cell Block Tango