Summer Losers

Simon Cowell, super mogul and judge
 on the X Factor in England, normally heads
 for the French Riviera for the summer 
aboard his 75 million dollar yacht  while
Howard Stern hauls ass and has to work all summer
on Cowell's show, "America'a Got Talent" lining Simon's
 pockets and funding more toys for him to play with.

I know this is only the tip of the global warming melting of the iceberg, but while the entertainment industry is packing up and heading for their European vacations, it is once again the Summer of the Loser Sterns because this is the only time of year the pariahs can find work as summer filler.



Team Beth has to work overtime this summer as Beth approaches another giant menopausal birthday and she's still not famous. Beth even has the same story line of being all dolled up ready to race out and having to stop and take care of an animal. 

She is using this same scripted story since her husband Howard is too cheap and stupid to pay for a new story. It was when she still had her dog Bianca, that she got sick of and incinerated because she was getting zero seflie attention with the same photo prop. The story still exists in various planted news items and Beth herself has paraded onto a few stale talk shows and related it ad nauseam. She was all dressed up and the super animal activist, animal care expert, let her dog fall into the swimming pool and Miss All Dressed Up To Go Out With Howard had to ruin her outfit and makeup and save the dog from drowning. Now the kitten story, wow, Beth, you have awesome stories about how you have nothing to do but latch onto animals to become famous.


Poor Howard and Beth, at their ages having to work for a living, year round, with the same stale story lines and supporting tons of useless family members like Miss Ellen Stern, the famous sister of Howard, who goes on world tours to photograph stuff and then enhancing and coloring the photos like a demented third grader while plugging the North Shore Animal League (NSAL) on her stale Facebook site. Hey, it beats having to work, right? We would all do the same thing for a steady paycheck from our famous brother who runs around in women's clothing with a wife who runs around.

Howard claims to know a bunch of secret agents,
the FBI, CIA, the police, then why can't he find
Beth's European modeling photos? Howard said
Beth sat on the lap of a pilot in Germany and 
called that "modeling" in Germany. So you
see the problem.

Talk about alerting the media that the Sterns are working this summer. Well, Howard and Beth have already contacted the FBI, posted stale celebrity interview sound bytes on the Internet, had articles printed about how they do nothing but pose with cats and call it charity work, and Beth is suddenly Miss Hallmark Channel hosting TV shows on the network that just shows a film on a constant loop of a bunch of cats that play with cat toys and calling it charity work. Yes, it's for the charity named Beth Wants On Television. 

Now Howard Stern is a big time celebrity interviewer kissing the asses of aged celebs well past their expiration date. He has a growing midsection and we have to pretend he is anorexic. He reads off Wikipedia bios and calls that an "interview" with a star while all their stories are from days gone by while they make the rounds at a bunch of studios at the SiriusXM building to plug some D List project they are doing. When they reach old fart Stern's studio they have to be shown a giant photo of Howard's famously unknown wife and say how gorgeous she is and we are all jealous Stern landed such a beauty. Oh, she's a beauty alright, beautifully living away from Howard as far as possible while he keeps up appearances and is now the little kitty cat loving Howard who is so straight and hetero in between gawking at naked men in pseudo pedo porno movies wishing he were the hot chick in the room. Evolved, right, into exactly what he wants, living alone with his boy toys, action figures, and his long time companion Ralph Cirella while obsessing about getting his name in print pushing his pariah wife onto the public as anything but crazy for fame and will throw anything into her selfies for attention. Beth thinks it's fine since she probably would have ended up in prison like her dad if she didn't get some sort of fame, you know, famous or infamous, whatever it takes. Oh, she won alright, the famous Howard Stern, who can only get his wife shitty animal acts disguised as charity work pretending she is a nice person.

We love it that Howard finally bought a regular gig for Beth on the Hallmark Channel along with the NSAL spokesperson sham job and Beth's foundation gimmick. Yes, it takes a village to keep Beth afloat and in front of camera lenses when she was loooong ago rumored to be an escort that was escorted from PA to NY by her Aussie friend and she made out pretty good with the, cough, cough, "relationship expert" Claudia Chan, a neighbor of Howard Stern who brokered the deal, right?....in between ummm dating all those lonely Asian men in town on business. Gosh, allegedly, since Miss Chan has allegedly closed up shop and is living off a nice nest egg. But some personality types like Beth [e.g., psychos] will become famous, or infamous, no matter what it takes or who or what they have to take out, even Chinese takeout, get it? 

How do you market a failed model with a flabby midsection and short legs and a fug plastic surgery face that she has to cover up and hide from the sun? Charity. Sweet charity. Oh, and tons of family members and paid stooges to follow Beth on Instagram.