Fired Up

We all heard it [well, whoever listens to a floating satellite lost in space] on Monday's Howard Stern stale satellite radio show that he is definitely quitting "America's Got Talent" (AGT) after first tanking this summer's ratings. 

Stern stated it is not a bargaining ploy or prank, he is hitting the pavement and is really really leaving AGT. The show is in its 10th season and producers were not shelling out dough for any new judges and that was the reason Stern is still at the judges' table and was not signed to another 3-year deal which is what he wanted, you know, paid to go away? Nope, year to year now and it only lasted one year apparently, if Stern is to be believed what with his nose growing as he speaks to dead air.

Eat your heart out, Beth. This is what
real models look like, drop dead gorgeous
and in no need of tons of post-production
airbrushing as Gabriel and Heidi got
a huge contract for a Macy's campaign
for their clothing line, INC
 International Concepts.

But for Heidi Klum it was a different story. It was press released in late 2014 that it was Heidi that was not returning to AGT and Piers Morgan was coming back. Piers left AGT in 2012 allowing Stern to horn in. Heidi signed on at the last minute for the 2015 summer season as she is juggling myriads of jobs, like Project Runway, Germany's Next Top Model, her own clothing lines, and so forth. Various Internet sites claim that Simon Cowell did NOT think Howard Stern's prank was funny, the alleged leaked Sony email where Simon Cowell suggested he take over as a judge and replace Stern for this season, the 10th. Cowell was furious over Stern's stunt and immediately sent a giant official, private memo to NBC that Howard be sent a pink slip, and yes, now. Cowell didn't want to drag it out and suffer through phony drama. Stern was informed that this is his last season, so he had better make other plans for a second income source to support that aged mare he married that is a giant sinkhole of nothing.

Some are saying that Piers was going to be a mid-summer replacement for Stern, but Stern was going to be paid no matter what, for a full season. So, Piers agreed to be a guest judge this year and there are other guest judges who will round out a dismal season for AGT. Will Simon pick up the pace next year? Will the show continue next year? Does anyone give a damn? Not really, we are just glad Stern is getting his flabby aged ass kicked off the airwaves as he tries to get a sucker to purchase "HowardTV" which is just that dull, edited version of his stale satellite radio show consisting of an empty booth where Miss Staged Cancer and Vegan Liar Robin Quivers used to sit before she kept falling out of her chair and bumping into walls at the studio after downing cup after cup of a "green drink", ha ha, which was thinly disguised booze, right, Robin? Then you suffer through an overly long borefest with some celebrity that has to be older than Howard so Howard can brag about how young he looks while pushing a constant airbrushed phony photo of Beth into guests' faces and getting her photos on HowardTV, so that counts as television, right Howard? Pre-nup rules are a bitch.

Oh, wait, sources have emailed me a screen shot of Howard's pilot for his own TV show. He is pitching to NBC his own version of AGT and since he already has to purchase a bunch of satellites every year that get lost in space, he will be the sole judge of "Aliens Got Talent" so no one has to change any logos or advertisements since it will still be AGT, but an interplanetary version. Go for it Stern, you are just too edgy for American television, one wild and whacky guy! Oh yes, Stern, who lives alone in NY pleasuring himself to pseudo pedo porn, wow, we need a special federal law for Howard Stern, solo lovers who want to marry themselves while pretending to be pedos.

Howard has to quit AGT because he is
busy delivering kitty cats to foster pigeons
who take Beth's photo prop rejects.

We know Howard and Beth want on television, so they are busy beavers digging out some old gossip from their basement vault hoping to scare someone into giving them a job, but we hope the terror twins have had their day. 






However, Beth has latched onto that old lady Mafia wife, Lois Pope, so Beth had better love licking up whatever Pope dishes out and puts on the floor for Feral Beth begging at her back door for a job on television. Bethie is practically married to that "Hero Dog Awards" show, but that is only on television once a year and aside from badgering the Hallmark Channel with that stupid cat gimmick of the same group of cats on a constant loop playing with cat toys, Beth has pretty much hit rock bottom. But we know she can keep digging through that rock and reach hell before we see an end to Princess Pariah's reign of terror on the TV airwaves.

Howard is too busy for AGT because Beth isn't getting into anymore dress fights. This is the Scientology Edition of "Who Wore It Best". As usual with Beth's dresses the detail is slightly different because she wears plus-size knock-offs of the original designs.

Howard is too busy for AGT because he needs to spend more quality time with the warden of Stalag Beth, Frau Beth.

Howard is too busy for AGT because he needs to spend more time trying to impregnate his IVF monster who Howard thinks has a uterus but he's too afraid to find out.

Howard is too busy for AGT because he needs to spend more time reading the Beth Fan Page.