Retro Ugly

Howard's alter personality Helen

When are we getting a giant retrospective of Miss Helen Stern on the David Letterman show for the past 30 years? My gosh, Howard constantly obsesses about his weight, his thatched weave on top of his head and his endless plastic surgery appointments because he has to fit into a size 34Wide dress and look beautiful for his CGI close-ups on trash D List reality TV. 

Howard was quite the spectacle in his heyday, even though the photos are a bit fuzzy, I think you can get the idea. 

Beth was never in front of the camera on Letterman in a sexy outfit, Howard was. The bit was the top ten countdown and featured ten "beautiful" women, with Howard as the number one beautiful woman. Oh, you had to be there, and it still wasn't funny.

The monkeys will fall out
without Judy Judy Judy Regan
at the bottom of the barrel.

Howard was on that endless tour for that Miss America book around 1995 and 1996, the fastest selling book in the history of Judith Regan's defunct publishing company. She has re-emerged not too long ago with the publication of the whore chronicles written by the owner of the Nevada Bunny Ranch, Dennis Hof, "The Art of the Pimp" and features the prize whore with the disappearing cocaine nose job, Heidi Fleiss. Some classy lady that Judith Regan, what would the bottom of the barrel do without her? Become bottomless, I suppose.

Speaking of which, when is Judith Regan publishing Howard's next book featuring his prize unknown star stalker, Beth O'Nobody? We can't wait for that, especially all the tons of phony airbrushed photos that will appear in it to make Beth look like a normal species that we can identify instead of some enormous Martian headed reject from the red planet.

5-5-15, Instagram is not Beth's friend as it shows off her enormous bulbous oblong box football head. Beth is bald and has to even wear giant fake eyelashes since her species doesn't come with hair. Yes, they eat cats for lunch and Howard thinks Beth is eating pasta [on Mars, pasta means "CATS"].

Rare photo that should be included in Howard's new book showing Beth's father and brothers first arriving on this planet. And Howard never questioned why Beth's head is now growing out of its wigs.

Who would look at this hot mess
and think "model"? Howard Stern,
the prize jerk in a dress prancing
in front of David Letterman ad naseam
hoping to get into his pants.

Howard said on his satellite radio show on Beth Tuesday that Beth can eat all the pasta she wants and never gain weight. Yes, she has maintained her same weight of 175 lbs since they first announced they were living together. Now that story should be in Howard's new book, it just makes you want to cry. Howard's plus size model has stayed plus sized all these many long boring years of trying to launch the dolt into the limelight only to have the limelight send her back home to Howard. I don't know what you call this bleached whale with the football head and a weird bulging bone below the hip. Beth is a silicone filled beast who chows down on a ton of pasta.