Fear Factor Friday

Nothing is scarier than Beth's Instagram photos and we wonder how many nights Howard spends at Stalag Beth in the Hamptons, fully clothed packin' heat while waiting by the door for his limo to show up as he waits in fear of what the spent hen might be hatching inside her shrinking uterus.

Well, I see Beth didn't print the photo I sent her for #Throwback Thursday as she continues with the Aerial Fathead Series of photos grabbing at some fearful looking cat forgetting she is headed for 46 years old in July and still a barren pariah in New York, the Hamptons, Florida, Los Angeles, but surprisingly a hit in New Jersey, which is where her giant modeling career started and ended.

#BelatedThrowbackThursday

Beth with the bought and paid for glamour shot from her no-talent D List agency that led to all those shitty lingerie modeling jobs in New Jersey.

#AerialFatheadSeries

Various photos below are from Beth's Instagram showing her giant fat head from a 50 foot ladder with an iPhone. I just love the giant fug beaver teeth in the first photo and those false eyelashes she can't unglue from her wonky eyes while stumbling around trying to find a cat to terrorize before bedtime.

We see Beth has her school teacher mommy who worships the pudgette, ferreting out teachers in Jersey to read the Yoda the Cat story to their captured and trapped classroom of kids. 

MISS Jackson, if you're nasty

Well, Howard has to unload all those books he bought somewhere so Beth can be on an obscure NY Times bestseller list in a category no one has heard of, the Rich Fathead Liars Who Want To Be Famous category. 

So how many schools got stuck with the Yoda books? It's all about how a headless blonde barbie carted a purebred Persian cat home, threw it into a room full of kittens and called it a lesson in how to heal a phony heart condition of a cat whose purpose is to make Howard and Beth Stern famous who are featured in a giant photo that takes up the entire back cover of the book.

Ready to taste more fear? What happened to this little bundle of joy left over from Beth's Asian escort, I mean, modeling years when her clients, I mean, boyfriends were wealthy men from the Far East? We have seen that boring kitten room ad nauseam but what about the basement fun and games room? We know there are a bunch of Beth's babies in jars but what's rolling around on the floor playing with Bethie's overfed cats? 

Howard loves playing the wealthy sperm donor role and visits with Yoda the Cat, as usual, fully dressed waiting for his limo ride to his own private apt and we wonder how much of his publicity budget was spent on those awesome fist logo coasters. Wow, spare no expense from the sugar daddy whose wife doesn't eat sugar.

Do you still have no fear of anything? Okay, how about Mr. Crossed Eyes with the blue contact lenses and mascara in desperate need of a nose job who expects to win a Tony Award this year for his goofy performance as "The Elephant Man", a role no one asked him to do and is already shut down and closed due to a theater filled with empty seats. Yes, Braaad, find another show.

Oh, but the little guy was gushing over himself for getting his fantasy caricature at the famous Sardi's restaurant on Wednesday this week, and at least the artist made sure to emphasize the blue contacts and giant black mascara Bradley is so famous for wearing.

5/6/15, the gays came out in full to honor Bradley Cooper at Sardi's restaurant, famous for its caricatures of famous people from the theater...so, why did Howard and Beth dodge the cameras? Oh, they don't want to be famous.

Let's put this baby to bed as we gaze upon a rarely seen sight. Beth, surrounded by servants who finally get a break from her constant screaming that the fridge is empty while guzzling Clooney wine as she takes a selfie while dead. Now, that's talent. But, we know the Vamp-Pariah will rise again as she covers up and hides her plastic surgery from direct sunlight for fear she will melt away like vampires' bones turn to dust upon the dawn.