Howard Stern Hits All Time Low

Howard has outdone himself for Season 10 of "America's Got Talent" (AGT) and tanked ratings for its debut show on Tuesday, May 26.

We love Howard's Final Net hair sprayed woman's coif with the little curly bangs to cover up and hide his big receding hairline due to a face lift and those tiny hair transplants that are desperate to take root under that hair net he wears to bed every night alone with the Village People while Psycho Beth is stuck at Stalag Beth in the Hamptons. 

The Pope & the Pariah.
Grin and bear it honey, this is the best
Howard Stern could do, calling in
an old favor to the Queen of the Tabloid
press whose son keeps suing her
for his inheritance when old man Pope
was fitted with cement galoshes.

Everyone knows Beth has reached the bottom of her phantom career and has admitted defeat by latching onto an old fossilized mob wife who might actually make Beth appear young next to her. That is all Beth has, the old lady tribe of widowed and divorced mob wives with the botched face lifts. She has found her element, let's hope she stays there and stops badgering people for what? 

Money. She runs around wearing all her designer clothes from her closets and models every known animal skin while spouting nonsense about being an animal activist who is a billionaire's wife yet she can't seem to raise about 7 million dollars to build a kitten shelter on top of an existing building housing deformed dogs from breeders or snatched purebred cats from hurricane victims. Hey, Beth, fund it yourself, oh right, then you would have no reason to exist. Your little selfie studio at Stalag Beth [Hamptons] would fold up and die like your alleged uterus. Now you have a 52 million dollar fortress in Florida for what? To house five cats until a real foster family picks them up, then you can go back to your closet selfies showing off your monster size dresses making the kids back home jealous. I hope your escort class reunion goes well this year, you can brag you have officially opened Stalag Beth South Florida that could house a million cats, but no, only five at a time so you can keep the fresh selfie mill going. 

2006: Howard Stern was going to launch his girlfriend Beth and make her a super famous television star. All Beth got was a deranged homeless man spitting in her face. Howard claimed, live on his satellite radio show, that Beth's father is a doctor and he told Beth to get into the shower and wash her face and rinse out her mouth, which sounds exactly like how Beth ends all of her dates.

Howard might want to read the tons of Internet sites that reported that Beth's father the dentist got his dental license yanked by his licensing board in PA for insurance fraud. Dr. Dentist was given the choice of either retiring from his dental practice or he would be retired to a federal prison. Daddy O took the retirement option and I am sure it was all a misunderstanding and that Daddy O is as nice as Bethie O and didn't fight it but meekly retired, as in retired with a Charlie Chunk of Beth's newfound wealth with the King of All Dumpsters, Howard Stern. First his first wife dumped him, then phantom imaginary hot chicks dumped him. So it was either take Beth or Howard could dump the two-bit whorinsky and be left with his option of Fug Regan or the Aged Hagatha Sally Kirkland. I think you see who Howard chose.

Hey, Beth, your hair's too big and so's your ass.