Oscar My Sweet

Oprah attended the Academy Awards
nominees luncheon on February 2nd in
Beverly Hills.

The Oscars are tomorrow night and where will Beth and Howard Stern be? Well Howard will be gnawing on his pillow in the city of empty dreams on the horn to Doctor Feelgood as Oprah Winfrey's film "Selma" is nominated for a Best Picture Academy Award, and we know the unmarried woman and super mogul will be there at the Oscars walkin' the red carpet in all her glory, I mean, she wouldn't miss it, right? OH she is now a movie mogul having produced and acted in films over the past few years and there is no stopping her and there is no stopping Howard who is stuck on a satellite floating farther and farther away from Earth and we hope it gets lost. But I am sure on Oscar Sunday he and Bethie Botoxed will be escorted around town hiding inside their limo doing super important charity work since they could care less about Hollywood, all they care about is charity work!

The closest these two will ever get to an Oscar
ceremony is to buy a ticket. 

Well, that's all they have and it gives Beth something to post on her barren InstaTwit sites where a bunch of dolts compliment the wife of Howard Stern, while Howard has to prepare for his live commercial-reading job on satellite and claiming he dumped off a few foster cats on the way back to the city so his gasoline can be a tax write-off. Ha, some mogul.

Howard is having  a tough time getting a bunch of corporate worshippers to follow Bethie and her dull and dismal life of nothing, oh, but it's in Howard's contract, gotta follow the wife or she will be fired from her useless job as spokesperson for the North Shore Animal League (NSAL). Yes, Bethie has turned her Manhattan apartment dressing room into cat town as she trades back and forth with NSAL stooges to keep the feral cats going back and forth from Bethie's iPhone camera studio.

What happened to Beth's bartender reality show? Oh it was just a one-shot test to see if anyone gave a damn about some cocktail contest in NY on Oscar night, February 27, 2011. It was never aired on any network, but Beth judging a liquor contest was right up her alley but not the drunken image Howard wanted of his prize dolt. So gotta get started with the cat adoption gimmick in conjunction with her personal fund being set up by lawyers called Bianca's Furry Friends after she incinerated her bulldog and she and Stern did a ton of bad acting grieving over a dog they rarely lived with, but Howard is forever trying to clean up the image of his wife [as if it matters]. So Beth is stuck in this vortex going no where and all she can hope for is to keep bitching to Howard about how nobody is giving her any work on TV.

Beth keeps recycling old
stale photos of herself and
posting them on Instagram
since all she is doing is
sitting around aging badly.
Will Howard jump off a cliff when
his barren babe turns 50?

Beth has to wait until the summer when Howard's dismal reality show starts airing and then she can parade on some local TV shows with the feral kitten du jour and boast about her husband getting TV work even though he has zero credentials at choosing talent, but he can read from a script, and that is his job along with getting his travel expenses paid for, and a budget to house Beth's little career so he doesn't have to spend any of his Sirius money. Oh yes, it's hard jumping around on both coasts and coming up with a reason, so his show "America's Got Talent" is reason enough.

Separating the men from Howard Stern

Cher recently canceled her concert tour
due to low ticket sales because she wore
non-Bob Mackie designs which were
ugly and stupid while we all
forgot Douglas used to be cute
before he turned into an anorexic
AIDS-looking victim with a wife
addicted to plastic surgery
reminiscent of a DJ we know and
his whorific wife. 

Cher & Michael Douglas have won Academy Awards oh, but Howard won an award from a defunct video store and recently, he won a phony fake stupid hair award from a gay hair stylist in the Washington D.C. area who loves Howard. Wow, how sad, I mean, that's all poor Howard's skinny head could come up with to deflect from the fact he is an ignored pariah by anyone in Hollywood, I mean, Cher won an Oscar, how hard could it be?  It might be time to start hiding the pills from Stern's bedside table and maybe think about an assisted living facility where he isn't alone for any length of time.

Well, don't give up Howard, no matter how old you get.