Broke girl #1. Poor Howard Stern, that 7 AM start time his psycho doctor recommended because he moved out of his penthouse [away from Beth] and needed a longer commute time, but it still isn't filling the void in his sad little life or in his retreating bank accounts as he talks up a storm pretending he is so happy that Sirius execs didn't care when old man Stern started his borefest show in the morning, and Howard thought it would be some condition of re-signing with Sirius in 2016 when everyone in the back office thinks his deals are long gone, and he just signs on the bottom line every year now as he contemplates whether to wear his boxers or briefs to his colonoscopy appointment this month.
Howard does like emptying his studio and sending Robin back home on her ISDN line where she sits in front of her TV with mountains of french fries and margaritas remembering to laugh every 40 seconds while on the air with Stern. Nope, I'm not officially including Robin in this line up of broke girls since she is just homebound not spending a dime of her own money while consuming half the potatoes in lower Manhattan.
Howard was trying to act excited that Larry David agreed to an in-studio interview on Wednesday's satellite radio talk show with Stern hiding the tears in between his bizarre constant chatter as Larry decides how to spend his billions of dollars on fun stuff like investing in a Broadway show that he wrote and is starring in and we wonder if Howard scored any free preview tickets for the February performance. The show is supposed to open on Broadway in March. But it seems Broadway Howard only wants to throw some dough at Brad Cooper hoping to pay for his friendship as actual sex is out of the question. Bradley has his eye on Tonys and Oscars, not Howards.
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Hey, Beth, everyone
thinks you're a guy. |
Broke girl #2. Bethie O'Still Not Famous, we saw her looking like shit on a red carpet this week barely able to afford those last remaining stringlets glued to her football head and her face looked pasty as she hoped to spend her last bit of her allowance in the big city on something that might blow away if she doesn't inhale it quick. Howard mentioned on his radio show that Beth was only gone for one hour to attend an event which was the "Girls" TV show Season Four premiere event as everyone knows Beth cannot stay vertical for more than two hours at one time, so she needed to be sure and be home in time to pass out on the floor of her vacant Manhattan apartment with the kittens crawling over her body.
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Beth finds a plus size Burberry to stuff herself into as all Stern can afford now are
cable TV show red carpets for his disappearing wifey who is in full career reversal
as Howard pays Marianne Garvey to print photos of Beth in the NY Daily News. |
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Gee whiz, wonder why
these two got divorced. |
Broke girl #3. Mariah Carey, victim of a massive divorce payout to that hanger-on grifter Nick Cannon who is the token black person on "America's Got Talent". Yes, Mariah is the next bankrupt aging superstar heading for a semi permanent gig in Las Vegas for a bunch of lip sync concerts as she gets tons of booze delivered to her room and finishes off about four bottles before noon but will have a steady income for months to come. Crazy Days and Nights Dot Net claims that Mariah can't function without her cases of wine.
Breaking News: Beth-Man honored with Damehood by the Queen:
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