Desperation City

Yoda bullies the foster ferals
and always hogs the top
spot on the cat trees unless
Beth locks him in his room.

You would think that a real author and tireless charity worker would come up with something better than a kid's book about her fat lazy bully overfed Persian cat with the plagiarized name of Yoda, that does nothing all day; a book that teaches kids to sit around and stare at cat furniture.

But is Beth a tireless charity worker? Well, she spins around in front of cameras until she passes out on the floor of her various posh residences either in New York or out in the Hamptons then badgers the public to give her money to fund her dream of her name on a building at the charity that pays her salary, the North Shore Animal League (NSAL).

Beth is not giving up with her selfie promotion, prancing on every D List daytime talk show she can find to ferret out those moms who will part with some cash and throw it at Beth with this useless book about Beth's big charitable act of adopting a purebred Persian cat then taking tons of pictures with him. 

Beth snatches a purebred Persian cat and concocts a bullshit story
to sucker people into buying her selfie published book.

Desperate Howard had a caller phone in to his radio show broadcast to outer space on Tuesday to bring up the world's worst cable TV show, an unfunny parody rip-off of Baywatch [since Howard Stern can come up with zero show content] called "Son of a Beach", with Howard as one of the big producers. Howard claims the show ran for three seasons. What? Oh, he meant cable TV seasons, which are reduced to nothing. Son of a Beach was approx. 13 episodes each year, which meant, that was all the cable station was buying at one time, and it ran from 2000-2002.

Did Howard find time in his scripted radio show to explain why Son of a Beach was canceled? Oh, wasn't it because of those pesky cease & desist letters since Braino Howard Stern Producer never thought of getting permission from the owners and creators of Baywatch to steal their exact characters and scenarios and the show was yanked from the cable airwaves? Just how much did you have to pay those Baywatch creators, Howard? Oh, then Howard cut out and sold his part of the show and ran like a girl back to his penthouse and cried and cried that everyone was mean to him and his psychiatrist told him that Baywatch was jealous of him. So, what was the point of Howard's little commercial for Son of a Beach? Like, Howard thinks he is ever getting another shot at a TV show [insert laughter]. Pretty funny since Howard cannot match the top ratings that David "Baywatch" Hasselhoff got during his time as a judge on "America's Got Talent" (AGT), so I guess that was why Baywatch and the whole Son of a Beach debacle was on his mind.


So, is Howard finally admitting that he is paying SYCO Entertainment and Simon Cowell to finance AGT? Howard's haggy-aged guests on Tuesdays radio show, Julie Chen & Sharon Osbourne, planted an item during their interview saying that AGT is building a team around Howard, whatever that means. Oh, but he denied it...hmm...so Howard, what is the problem with AGT? 

Howard loves the hags of "The Talk" [a ripoff of the Joan Rivers' expression Can We Talk] 
where there are plenty of potential AGT judges to choose from once
Howard finally back-stabs Heidi & Mel B to death and he gets his pick
of judges [excluding the fired AGT judge Sharon Osbourne;
paired with Howard Stern, they were ratings poison].

Don't worry your pointy little head Howard, you will only lose more of your hair as you worry about a summer filler show that means little to nothing to NBC because it is the first show kicked off the air if some sports event is aired, or if anything else happens on the planet that is newsworthy like, a cat falling down a well and the rescue efforts are televised [please don't steal that 'cat falling down a well' idea for your next book debacle for Beth O' Ostrosky Stern].

Howard is not disguising the fact he is panicking over hitting the pavement again with that AGT in 2015. But he is desperate for the paycheck, and he is desperate to get rid of the young hot lovelies, Heidi Klum and Mel B, both acting extremely hetero at the moment, although Howard is desperate to emphasize Mel B is bi-sexual. Big deal Howard, still doesn't explain your lack of sex and kids with that monster you married, you obviously don't sleep together and rarely are in the same city what with that constant talk about your selfie sleeping with porno videos, as if we believe that; but I guess your life partner Ralph Cirella would be the one to ask whenever he has free time in between letting out all the seams in Beth's old dresses she keeps wearing over and over again with her expanding aging hips and fat ass.

Nope, not Bat Girl, The Queen dressed as
Angelina Jolie on Halloween.

We loved hearing the Evil Dead Joan Rivers on Tuesday's show as Howard used the "bit" to trash Robin Quivers, the woman who was sick with staged cancer and Howard scripted her death, only she never died. Funny Howard's obsession with Queen Latifah, with Evil Dead Joan Rivers saying she should replace Robin on the radio show once Robin "croaks", which we know is a dream of Howard Stern. Plus, Howard is always obsessed with the Queen, I guess because lesbians don't pressure or embarrass him with the baby question and why barren Bethie can't have kids, and lesbians don't force Howard to be hetero. 

Desperate Beth is still on that book tour, and the only reason she got that last minute book deal was because Howard was desperate to spend the remaining dough from that AGT publicity budget and trying to beat Nick Cannon to the punch with his children's book, so all he could get was that Yoda the cat and make up a story. As usual, Howard's work product has no content, amazing, isn't it? I mean, the story is about BETH snatching a purebred Persian cat who swats at feral cats all day.

Pretty amazing that only 8 of Beth's 300,000 Twitter & Instagram followers could show up to her book signing in New York on 12/9/14.

The royal couple on 12/9/14 at
the Metropolitan Museum of Art
in New York.

Howard could barely contain his jealousy of the ruling class, during his satellite radio show, namely the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge on their tour of New York and Washington D.C., where again security was out in full force to ensure no crazed blonde wigged 45 year old woman attacked the royal couple throwing Yoda the Cat and His Kittens books at their heads.

The Duchess graciously speaks with the world's shortest person who also has an enormous ass.

HAPPY WEDNESDAY BETH FANS