You Gotta Have A Gimmick

You can pull all the stops out
Till they call the cops out;
Grind your behind till you're banned.
But you gotta get a gimmick
If you wanna get a hand.
You can sacrifice your saccro
Working in the back row.
Bump in a dump till you're dead.
Kid, you gotta have a gimmick
If you wanna get ahead.

Beth has been run around the track so many times for so many years with so many gimmicks she has finally landed in the charity arena, where every desperate moron who wants to be famous lands, and where existing salaried celebrities have a way to cash in on the public's perception they are wonderful people, when all the public and corporate donations go straight into their special fund bank accounts to keep money flowing into their personal foundations set up by a bunch of lawyers as a way to keep the money they earn, plus have a tax write off while having a front that they care anything about people, animals, or the environment. 

Well, who doesn't have their own foundation? Howard Stern has been jealous of real celebrities his whole life and finally set up his own foundation for himself and his failed pariah, commonly called his wife, with that irritatingly phony foundation called Bianca's Furry Friends housed at the charity tax shelter, the North Shore Animal League.

The self absorbed, costumed idiot pariahs glommed onto Mel Karmazin's corporate charity, the North Shore Animal League (NSAL). Beth has been employed by them for about 10 years as their useless spokesperson. The Sterns' takeover is now complete with the setting up of their personal foundation, Bianca's Furry Friends, at NSAL, since all other gimmicks to make Beth famous have failed.

Angelina Jolie, the crazy kid of a celeb who already had a giant fat nose job when she married her way into a small fortune. Her first husband was the son of "M" from James Bond. After a long and rocky road heading nowhere, she is finally worth millions due to a team of lawyers setting up her own foundation and adopting a bunch of kids for huge tax benefits [but we think Mia Farrow did the gig first, paving the way for the likes of Angie].

According to Roger Moore's memoirs, Bernard Lee was rarely vertical during the shooting of James Bond, and it was difficult filming around him while cast and crew had to wait for his brief periods of sobriety.

Barbra Streisand, who has had a reversal of fortune trying to fund her own movies years ago while auctioning off antiques, furnishings, jewelry and what-not, has formed her own foundation to try and hang onto whatever she has left so her beloved cutie son Jason Gould can continue to not work for a living.

It has been no secret in the tabloid press that James Brolin wants Babs to dump her son off the payroll and change her will as a huge chunk of her estate will go to Jason. Barbra was not hearing it. If Brolin didn't like the way she handled her money, the door leading outside of the mansion she owns is clearly in view and he knows how to use the doorknob; oh, and he can forget about taking anything out of the house with him, Babs owns everything. Brolin can go back to Bad Girl Island or doing another cameo in a Cher film if he has any further complaints. We see he decided to stay and take the backseat to the son of Streisand who she adores.

There are countless more examples. So then we have Beth and Howard Stern. Howard has failed to launch himself off that radio button for 30 years and his attempts at dating was a hilarious failure and Beth the Hot Potato at the Letterman Show was finally shown the yellow brick road leading to the Emerald City, which was Howard's penthouse...oh, but everything failed, since Beth was a cross eyed deformed freak with bucked teeth and was already in her 30's when Stern tried to launch her as a model in that failed U.S. Edition of the magazine, FHM.

Beth [to the right of the title below] had to always try and cover up and hide her bizarre giant bulges on the right side of her body as she was desperate to be a model when she was already 35 years old when she horned in on a calendar for FHM [actually 38, she shaves off a few years as well as shaving off that body hair since Howard keeps saying he wants her fully shaven so he can pretend to have sex with the monster]. She's sure wearing a thick bikini bottom.

Beth always covers up her
private parts in bizarre photos
taken by Howard. She looks
like a deformed plastic
medical mannequin with hair
sewn into her head.

Beth has tried everything to be famous. She even tried being a centerfold and failed; centerfold? Well in Howard's mind, since he took all the photos and gets them printed online and lies about it. Beth's freaky photos are only printed if Howard pays for a publicity press item for some magazine or online article. Howard can never tell the truth; he takes her freakish photo then pretends it was for some real job, there isn't any job, so suddenly she became a charity worker posting selfies on Instagram of cats before they are dumped onto foster homes in Jersey.

Beth forgot her second wig
to plop on top of her football head;
she was obviously flat at the movies
on 11/11/14 in the big wicked city.
Hope she kept her cell phone under
lock and key in case another phony
thief snatches it as she lets it fall
from her designer hand bag as
Howard Stern begs for money from
the public for the Beth Charity Fund.

All of a sudden Howard is getting stuck with Beth in the city since Beth is spinning out of control in the Hamptons under lockdown in her padded cell with her phony kitten fostering gimmick that she thought was only a summer filler job. So Beth grabbed some Sirius corporate tickets to the D List movie Foxcatcher, as Howard hides in his man cave away from Girl Town, when Bethie and her troll friend Kate Lee were dolling themselves up for absolutely no reason. I mean, who looks at them? Especially when a Ten was present.

Bo Derek at the screening of Foxcatcher on 11/11/14. I bet she was thrilled to see bloated Beth O'IVF with her BFF Katie at the screening. Bo must have known her career would tank after her husband John Derek died leaving her with bills and taxes to pay. At least she has something in common with barren Beth O as Bo failed to have children with John Derek who was bisexual according to the book, Paul Newman, The Man Behind the Baby Blues: His Secret Life Exposed, which says that Derek had an affair with Newman during his marriages with Andress & Evans. Bo briefly talked to the press about having kids with Derek but changed her mind; sources have indicated that allegedly Derek went back to his old habits and had a boyfriend towards the end of his life.