The Mummy

Howard Stern loves
radio so he can let his
plastic surgery heal
while he works. 

Hope Mummified Howard Stern is ready for his four hour work week consisting of bragging about himself then pitching the wife in our faces, then onto pitching the phony charity bit like a sideshow barker. All Howard needs is the wagon and horse [ha, he married that], and put on a record and start the ball rolling on his radio show as Thanksgiving Holiday is looming on the horizon and the separate camps have their own Thanksgiving dinners. We don't know if the Sterns are eating the turkey this year or if Howard will just jam the turkey wife down our throats for the hard sell for the holiday season and that gawd awful book for stupid morons about their faux adopted foster cat named, Yoda. Oh, the cat looks like Yoda from Star Wars. Can't Howard and Beth think up an original gimmick?

I see Beth has her phone by the
bath in case she has to call
911 if the girls launch their
attack on Stalag Beth to
free the prisoners.

I guess the kitten lockdown room at Beth's Hamptons Hideway is where she barricades herself inside with facelift tape hidden under her wig as she hides in a bathtub filled with 5 inches of water hoping it's a fire break in case the stepkids start throwing fire bombs to oust stepmommy out of their house once the old man's dementia reaches the red zone.

Uh, excuse us Miss Psycho Beth, we are just here to drop off more free cat food for you from the North Shore Animal League. Please don't kill us.

Yes, the hard sell has started and Beth's Munster Management Team is ferreting out D List events to try to sneak Beth into so she can promote the hell out of that Yoda the Cat book that will be laundered so many times nobody will know just where all the money went as Beth suddenly is on lockdown now, every week, inside her Hamptons HellHole thinking that posting her own photos on Instagram means she is famous.


We wonder if Bizarre Brooke Shields will break down and be desperate enough to appear on the Stern radio show to plug her new book filled with stories about how she is a victim, where she disses just about everybody in her life especially her mother, but stops short at actually becoming another "Mommy Dearest" type book. 


Let's not bring up that it was Andre Agassi's father who was against their marriage from the start, and Andre finally filed for divorce while Brooke was allegedly having a drug filled affair with her costar on her sitcom who ended up swinging from the rafters in a remote hotel room in Las Vegas; love to see how she spins all that, I mean, I'm not actually going to read it but I am sure that poor actor had a crush on Brooke and couldn't [allegedly] get himself off the drug merry-go-round, you know, fatal attraction with the whackjob Brookie, who ended up with a salaried cross eyed producer from a studio and he has been stuck with Brookie ever since with those weird kids. Pretty sad when she was one of the world's top models, but nobody can stand crazy for too long, the guys had to have an exit plan to be free of her.

Pretty hilarious that Brooke claims Andre was insanely jealous over the guest appearance she did on the TV show "Friends" licking the character Joey's fingers. Well we are not hearing the whole story. Who knows what tall tales Brooke told Andre at the time, but at the very least, it was told in the tabloid press that Brooke was throwing fits because she wanted a regular spot on "Friends" and wanted to oust Courtney Cox from the show. We know who won that battle, but as a consolation prize, Brooke got her own horribly weird sitcom "Suddenly Susan" with Kathy Griffin, Judd Nelson [who left one day for lunch and never came back], then her costar hung himself; I mean, it was a disaster.

Brooke did the Carson show, will she ever do the Stern show?

Don't like the Brooke Look for Mac Cosmetics, she looks like Maria Schriver.

So, now we have Beth, the failed photoshopped lingerie model for a bankrupt magazine so Howard sticks a cat in her bra and suddenly she is a devoted charity worker. Howard must have a bunch of shady characters who need bizarre tax write offs to fund their underground businesses because Stern & Stern are making some nice change out of their little business venture of posing with cats and actually have people give them money for Beth's personal foundation and she parades around bragging about it.

After Howard Stern stopped paying for Beth to appear in FHM, it went out of business so now the repulsive photoshopped monster has to hold a cat and suddenly morphed into a Wonder Bra charity worker.