Witch Board

Well if I heard right from the spirits of the East, Stern had a mini summit meeting last weekend when he was Beth-free, but what was Beth doing? She was shipped to LA to attend a bogus dog awards event as a sham to wash clean the dirty laundry of the American Humane Association; however, my dead ancestors from the old country are giving me signs that Bethie lies about her age, no, not that, focus!!...Ok, she was delivering original signed contracts...as in, Howard desperate to be famous and keep his face on TV for at least another three years with "America's Got Talent" (AGT). Do the spirits lie? Are they misguided spirits? I suppose we all have to wait until Monday since the execs in Hollywood have to sign off before Howard can press release his return to AGT, since it is either take that or take a hike.


Howard needs guidance before he can make a move, his good ol' doctor feelgood has him all set with getting in touch with the spirits which tell us that Howard has a cross dressing dad and a nudist mom, that's cool, right? All Howard's goofy family are into meditation, spiritism, smoking weed, all that hippy stuff, and it is no secret Stern smokes pot. How else do you explain that bloated stomach and thinned out patchy curls with a macrame wig and his midnight food cravings where he is ravenous heading towards the frig and can't get back to sleep only to have that alarm clock go off at 4 AM? 

Don't forget his mantra he chants everyday "I married a real model I married a real model I married a real model" so he doesn't jump out of his SiriusXM publicity budget airplane on his next trip to LA should reality seep into that patchy permed wig.



We all know Stern's eldest creation lives well above the mortal plain, she is flying high with her poetry and we just know she is the one consulted when Stern needs a reading about his future. I mean, the spirits have always guided him in the path of success right? How else do you explain the unexplainable, namely Beth O'MG?

Beth recently suffered a career blow when Rob Zombie revealed that a TV mini-series he was set to direct about the Manson murders is dead [no pun intended]. Yes, Beth, you can stop with the automatic redial of RZ's cell phone number since sometimes the stars are the last to know a project has been abandoned. All your fans were behind you on this one, and you would've made a great Mansonite.

No CGI Sheri as Sharon Tate either