The Great Escape

Alarms went off today at Stalag Beth in the Hamptons where Beth O Stern has captured and imprisoned dozens of kittens for her sole use as photo props, keeping them awake at all hours of the day and night to feed her selfie frenzy as the Munchkin cat named Petunia [whose hind legs are growing too big for the show ring and thus, dumped on the North Shore Animal League], tries a desperate prison break where Frau Mistress Beth has set up video surveillance cameras, guards, cages and alarms to house the prisoners, with Yoda her bully male cat as her enforcer to ensure there are no escapees from Cell Block Beth.

Beth's big bully son, Yoda, chases poor little Petunia back into the caged kitten room at Stalag Beth.

FRAU BETH SET TO RELEASE
A BOOK FOR KIDS

Ilsa, the Werewolf Woman of the SS is gearing up for a major tour to promote her prison camp for inbred rejected felines and will push her new book for kids being raised by fathers with no moms around, called "Yoda,The Story of a Cat and His Kittens". 

Apparently, this is all Beth's tag team publicity agents could come up with, "Modern Family" much? I get offended that Beth is suddenly talking about parenting, first the cable TV show "Mom Caves" now a kid's book about a phony cat who loves kittens and Bethie the animated den mother. I mean, millions of people own cats but now BETH has cats, so the world has to stop and Howard has to brag and brag about how this book is such a huge deal, all to get Beth back on TV to promote the hell out of it.

But we know with Beth turning a major 45 yr old milestone, animation and cartoons is all she has left, as the book is a bunch of drawings and we know Beth will be front and center. 

So, we wonder how much Howard is shelling out for
Beth's publicity agents when all they could come up with was
a book about a male cat and "his" kittens. 

Oh, it's so cute when Beth posts a bunch of photos on InstaHam about her bully male Persian cat swatting at kittens all day, then hogs the cat trees and stands guard and sounds the alarm when they escape from the kitten room and Frau Beth blows the whistle so her guards can swarm and stop any escape from Cell Block Beth.

The She-Devil and Howard are allegedly a platonic couple. Howard publicly admits to pleasuring himself to faux underage porn while shipping Beth off to her own house in the Hamptons where she is surrounded by women and her openly gay PR agents which is great since that is all the friends Beth and Howard have. Now a book for a male cat who is a parent to kittens, I mean, this is weird even for Beth. But Beth needs a cartoon kids' book since her own calendars featuring a bunch of photos of herself have crashed and burned with no publicized sales of the calendars and what percentage of nothing went to the North Shore Animal League and how much went into Beth's Birkin bag. 

So how much of the book sales of animated Beth & Yoda will go to the North Shore Animal League? How about zero?

Beth & Howard brag that they fed a Persian cat, fluffed up its hair for photo shoots, and it is now "cured" of a phony heart condition when the original Yoda the cat already crossed the rainbow bridge. 

Speaking of which, why is Steve Guttenberg, a friend of the Sterns, coming out with a children's book of his own? I mean, come on, this drivel has to be from the same publicity team working for Howard and Beth. The book is about crime fighting kids with a sidekick parrot named, Polly Esther. Is the audience for this book John Waters and his group of drag queens? My gosh, next stop, setting up surrogates for closeted gay couples before walking the plank into the Atlantic Ocean. Paris Hilton's mom was actually doing that, setting up surrogates with barren couples but do not know if she is still in the biz; the Hilton family fortune is spread pretty thin.

So when all else fails in your miserable career, which Beth is the reigning goddess of miserable careers, you turn to kids books and drawings of yourself since you are old and ugly and Howard needs to keep pushing the idea onto the public that he married a young girl, hey, Howard, menopause ain't for the young. OMG, Beth is really getting creepy now. Gosh, Beth, just adopt a human kid. 

Frau Beth is the Warden at Stalag Beth in the Hamptons! What do you know, Rob Zombie finally found the perfect role for Beth. 

[Rob did a faux movie trailer for Tarantino's "Grindhouse" featuring his wife Sheri, but BETH would've been better!!!]

#Yoda #werewolf #robzombie #guttenberg #stalagbeth #hamptons #petunia #ss #bethstern #sherizombie