Up In Smoke

Seems Bethie is getting on all the wrong magazine covers lately as cigars seem to be her stock in trade and the reason why Howard can't look at a cigar or cigarette without choking. But, she keeps doing that same hometown magazine about where to dine at one of the nuclear fallout bistros in Pittsburgh courtesy of Whirl Magazine. I mean, gosh, Beth, don't you glow in the dark enough already? Or is it those radiated teeth you snap in everyday that is causing all the fallout at the Stern HQ? 

Rob is appearing via videotape promoting his new film from a secret, undisclosed location since sources believe that Team Buchwald had been contacting him daily for a role for Beth O'SinkHole in his upcoming movie, "The Broad Street Bullies" about the Philadelphia Flyers, a film project that Rob has officially abandoned and shelved. However, we believe Rob has paid his debt in full to the Sterns appearing at that old man retirement dinner in NY, commonly called the Howard Stern Birthday Bash.

So, Beth is onto fresh game and gamebirds of a feather can be shot out of the skies and die together as Beth has met her duplicate as they are both fired morons who think they are celebrities and bikini models when everyone knows Bruno is the original superstar:

Yes, the paid party promoter and self-produced reality show idiot Maria Monotonous was a paid guest this weekend of the Sterns to promote what? the Sterns, and they had to come up with a staged event for Beth O'Pariah to show off to Maria because Beth has gone from D-List events to no-list events. But a publishers dinner? Really? So is Howard Stern now a publisher? We know he has to pay for any magazine where Beth O'torsky is featured, he even digs out some old photos off his iPhone that the masses have not seen yet, so this time Social Life Magazine is the selected pigeon. So, where is Beth's issue this year? Do we need a team of Internet experts to do a search and rescue mission for Beth's issue? Or is it officially classified as MIA?

Pretty Brookie got a real cover party in July for her issue of Social Life Magazine, but typical of this magazine, the photography looks horrendously bad, and I am thinking Howard really is one of the publishers now since only he can take bizarre photos, erasing features and erasing the mouth with the face overly airbrushed and the makeup and lighting that makes the subject look like a cadaver...I mean I didn't know it was possible to make Brooke look like crap, but this is the worst photo ever taken of her....it speaks Howard's name, I swear he took this photo...

Well, Howard has to get work for Beth or it's pre-nup penalties galore for Stern, and Judy O is keeping track on a giant leader board, and right now, Beth is winning since she is a profound sinkhole of no work, no job offers, and is barely hanging onto her day job of taking kitten selfies. So, out of work Beth is spinning out at home coming down from her big weekend and obviously thinks that looking like Norman Bates is a compliment:

So, does Howard have any fans left anywhere but inside his curly wig?