The Rewritten History of Howard Stern

Whenever Howard Stern gets a chance, he likes to rehash his big history of being in radio and horning in on television but he almost always rewrites his own history because he thinks no one knows anything and won't research anything he says. I guess he figures his fan is too busy adjusting his recliner and binge watching "Full House" TV show episodes.

So, today, Howard decided to rewrite the history of when he was asked to replace Joan Rivers when her talk show on FOX network was aired opposite The Tonight Show starring Johnny Carson, but it was failing and they wanted to replace Rivers and have someone else go up against Carson. 

Joan was mad because Carson only liked her as filler when he normally went to France each summer or otherwise took time off, but not to replace him permanently when he retired from television. Joan bombed on TV and FOX was looking for a replacement and Daddy Don Buchwald horned right in and pushed Howard in their faces but Don is just a big talker and Howard is an insecure rube.

Like the time David Letterman was thinking of jumping to another network, Don Buchwald was on the phone nonstop to get Howard to take that slot on the Late Show. Of course, no one wants Stern on television, he hardly knows what to do but stare like a deer in the headlights and be glued to a script and then bop around and do his open arms Jesus pose and the guests run out of there. 

Howard tried this with the early E Channel talk show and it was so horrendous, the execs decided to just tape the regular Stern radio broadcast and air it on late night television which worked for many years until finally it got old and reality TV took over and in comes Hugh Hefner selling his "Girls Next Door" reality series to replace the Stern show.

So, read all about the Joan Rivers talk show replacement debacle where Howard rewrites history, otherwise called, lying. You will see it in the show excerpts below.

In other news, Katie Lee Biegel has bought another place in New York City after selling her other places post-divorce from Billy Joel. She met and married a Food Network producer and now they bought a second home in New York while apparently maintaining their Hamptons home where Katie tapes her foodie show for the Food Network. Reportedly, Howard's all excited now to have Katie back in the Big Apple where he hopes to be back in action sampling her sauce. Howard's so thin now he can probably fit in between those iron gates and get a gander at her gherkins. 

You know how Howard always likes to brag that his aging wife Beth still has her period when she's turning 53 next month but he likes to pretend Beth is still young and fertile and still gets her period. Well, Katie Lee is still young enough to have real ones, and they're spectacular. [Ok, that's kind of gross but you get the point that it's a takeoff on that Seinfeld episode where Jerry thought Teri Hatcher's boobs were fake but they were real and spectacular and even Beth's boobs aren't real and are deflated.]

Eat your heart out, Beth! Katie Lee's got it all and spending that
Hallmark Channel money when they purchased the option to make
her book "Groundswell" into a movie with Katie in the movie too! Wow.

In other, other news, I thought for sure this was another photo from the upcoming Rob Zombie Munsters movie but it's all the Presley girls putting their hands in cement as a promotional bit for the new "Elvis" biopic. It looks like these gals have already been put under a cement slab and escaped on All Hallows' Eve.

I thought these were Rob's Zombies but they're not.

Here's today's Stern show excerpts.

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#florida #hamptons #katielee #katieleebiegel #biegelboy #billyjoel

#joel #nyc #apartment #realestate #househunting #jenniferwitz

#furlough #furloughsummer #howardistoojealousofsimoncowell

#howardhastotakethesummeroffbecausehesjealousofsimonswedding