The Cane Mutiny

Howard Stern provided some humor on his rarely live stale satellite radio show on Tuesday, March 13, when he had a thinly disguised old fart story about needing to now walk with a hiking stick [as if he can walk any farther than from the TV to the entryway waiting for his limo ride back from that Hamptons hellhole away from that dungeon master] and said it was not a cane, and was worried about falling in the snow and ice in New York as opposed to sunny Florida where his Facelift & Feline Fortress is located and he actually wants Sirius to sponsor that white elephant so Beth can count her fake tanning salon as a business expense since you know she would be parading back and forth in front of Howard-360 if his radio show moved to Florida and Howard could sell off that Hamptons Hellhole and Designer Ostrosky Monstrocity. 

Ha, more like he could use a cane to fend off would-be assassins, attackers, and people who spit on his wife while he runs and hides in the back of a limo and Beth has to get hosed off. Most girls on the street have to face all kinds of horrors, and Beth took this in stride as I am remembering an old story Howard related years ago when he was dating Beth and some bum spit on her and Howard dumped her back at his apt and then took off in a police car after the attacker [ha ha, as if].

As stated before on this blog, Howard always has the senior old fart news segments on his radio show, consisting of his colonoscopy updates, his nap updates and how he barely can stay vertical past 5 PM, and on Tuesday's show he added a dental update, a wig adjustment update, and has to explain away that cane he uses [right, hiking stick, ha, when the only hiking he does is up and down that spiral staircase when he visits the now-corporate funny farm, the Beth Bungalow & Wild Banshee Cat Processing Center]. Everyone knows he can't explain why he can hardly stay vertical nowadays and was spotted at the "museum" with a cane and got embarrassed. 

Meanwhile, Beth posted nonsense on her Instagram show this past weekend and appeared to have been bothering lesbians in uniform in Los Angeles and snatched a cat in between hunting down clues with a map to the stars' homes and Howard got his chance to race off to a "museum" since Beth is a well-known "museum" hater.  Hey Beth, those old artifacts don't bite! [a.k.a., "customers"]. Howard frequently pushes this "museum" farce in his fan's face when he manages to get rid of Beth for a few days because he has to appear like he isn't the dopey idiot from years ago who sits in a basement with his male companion and is now a super artist and art lover going to the museums. It's like Bozo the Clown showing up at the exclusive invitation-only annual Met Gala Fashion Ball.

But since last year Howard has added the cup of black coffee updates to his regular schedule for his stale satellite radio show since aged idiots think it prevents alzheimer's disease when all it attempts to prevent is the morning drunk shakes after a lifetime of too much booze plus Howard doesn't get anything for free unless he does the endless on-air plugs, like he snuck in another plug this week for that Gourmet Garage garbage hut where he scored alleged veggie chili in a market full of dead cows and other forms of dead animal products. But that gourmet garbage sponsored the first episode this year of the second season of the on-air show called "Howard's Boob" as I already blogged about.

In other cane news, we love it that after 69 years in show business, Michael Caine announced he is denouncing Woody Allen and refuses to work for him again. Wow, what a blow to Woody Allen. He was hoping to make 15 bucks off a ticket sale from Michael's fan.

Well, I guess I can announce right now that I will never work with Woody Allen. Sorry Woody, hate to sock it to you with a second blow to your ego and to your total earnings this year.

NBC's "America's Got Talent" is already in production this season and is all set to air in May and is still a Stern-Free Zone. We hope Simon doesn't cave in to the telephone terrorist this year and bow to Stern.

Howard insults Simon Cowell nonstop on his radio show since he got pushed off the end of the judges' table after Season 10 and keeps hoping his bullying tactics will force Simon into giving him a guest judging spot on AGT. Good luck with that Howard. There is always hope that your wife stalking Los Angeles will result in someone giving her Simon's real email address.

Hey now, Howard. Why not dress in drag as Sharon Osbourne and sneak
into a taping of AGT? Simon probably wouldn't notice and let you
do a guest judging spot on AGT this year.

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