Howard Stern's Banana Republic

Howard Stern has created his own dictatorship at his Siriusly stale satellite radio studio where the bananas are piling up all over and stinking up the place while Howard continues to brag about his big salary with the SiriusXM corporation when the original company Sirius, started by Martin/Martine Rothblatt, was going bankrupt with the first Howard Stern deal of about 500 million dollars thus forcing a merger with the little dictator with the other existing satellite radio company XM to save the day and save Howard's banana republic.

Sirius used that initial budget amount to actually build Howard Stern's satellite radio studio from scratch, which Howard filmed and put on his now-defunct cable TV channel called Howard TV. Yes, he had to document where the money was going since no one hands you 500 million without wanting to see actually how it's spent. Howard has a budget allocated for everything, operating expenses, staff salaries, equipment, supplies, oh, pencils are fine but you guys have to share that one pencil sharpener. Now you know the reason why Howard scrambles for freebies for his studio, like getting a coffee sponsor, cupcake sponsor [during the Artie Lange high as a kite era], and sponsors for his stupid skits and bits for the show. Like when Beth Stern calls in with her plugs, someone has to pay for the airtime and sometimes it's Howard Stern so she is limited to what she can say. No more parading into the studio and plopping down on that couch for an hour of airtime, it's too expensive for the flailing satellite radio show banana republic that is in danger of being overthrown by a revolution. Oh, Howard used to talk about his own revolution and getting free from the FCC on terrestrial radio, well, now there are rumblings of a new revolution called getting Stern under control of his Sirius bosses. He has to pander to the celebs with pre-approved and scripted interviews where the guests can plug their own projects so Howard doesn't have to pay them for their appearances. Aside from that, the Stern show operates in the red so the company has to get commercial sponsors for the show aside from Howard doing his own product placement ads and live commercials he reads on the air. Oh the revolution is in trouble, and Howard sees the revolting peons at the gates.

Originally, Sirius was just a few closets with DJ's sitting in them and would hit buttons to play records or have a chat with some aged hippy on the plight of the club CBGB's before it went belly up. But now Howard's got his own big custom made studio and loves to brag on his siriusly stale satellite radio show how he is the highest paid radio talk show host and highest paid celebrity in general and had publicly said that he makes more than Johnny Depp which makes everyone wonder why poor Johnny doesn't quit this acting gimmick and mothball himself to a burnt out satellite dish like Howard.

What Howard Stern fails to mention is that $85 million dollars is the budget for the show before expenses, with Howard pocketing roughly half that amount. He is responsible for the heat, a/c, lighting bills, equipment, maintenance, repairs, supplies, etc., and that's why he constantly has his radio show packed with commercials. Any staff wanting a raise has to fight it out with Sirius, since the total budget is set by Sirius with Howard being paid first, then everyone else can fight over everything else. That's why Howard's studio is dark for about 18 days a month with only a few staffers hitting buttons and playing reruns ad nauseam of the stale Stern show. Actually, Sirius wanted to ax Howard 101, that secondary station of boring bullshit but Howard is sticking with that original contract he signed over 10 years ago. SiriusXM is packing their own channels with new superstars like Radio Andy and even Jenny McCarthy has a new segment of her own hit SiriusXM satellite radio show called "Inner Circle" which is like a town hall interview.

Gee, Howard is full of spin and everyone basically ignores the old guy except for this big message board DAWGSHED.COM. Mr. Millions is and always will be scrounging for dollars and is always badgering someone to let him back on TV, with NBC finally ditching the windbag who has to constantly bury his nose job in a script before he can utter two words on live or recorded television. Simon Cowell was finally free of his other media mogul obligations and could take over as judge on "America's Got Talent" (AGT) in 2016. Numbers don't lie but apparently Howard does. As stated on this blog and easily found on any search engine, Howard Stern succeeded in tanking ratings for AGT in record time and in record numbers, falling flat since Piers Morgan left AGT as judge, with Stern replacing him for four long years called the Stern Titanic Years. Now that Cowell could take over, the ratings are soaring with those four long years of the Howard Stern sinking that battleship like he was doing it on purpose, drilling holes in the floor trying to reach the bottom of that sea of ratings.

What about now? Howard Stern is having a tough time dealing with the announcement that Ryan Seacrest is now the permanent co-host of the Kelly Ripa daytime talk show. Oh, we remember a certain blind item from Crazy Days and Nights Dot Net, right? As mentioned on this blog a few times before, it was Andy Cohen that wanted to be Kelly Ripa's cohost since he was having problems with BravoTV, but they struck a new deal with Cohen and he is staying with the network.

Howard now claims that Ryan Seacrest is jealous of Howard big income. Well, if that's true, the poor (ex?) Mormon who loves missionaries and harlots who get their jewelry stolen, can rest easy. With Stern actually pocketing only around $45 million per year with tons of taxes and expenses, and he is forced to make his personal residences into cat adoption centers and houses them at each location for a minimum of 24 hours for up to 10 days, especially at the Hamptons location. Beth Stern even shuttles cats back and forth to her relatives' homes in North Carolina and Pittsburgh to count them as animal rescue missions so her foundation, Bianca's Furry Friends (BFF), can pay for the jaunts.

Aside from that, Howard has to maintain that corporate time share he calls a vacation home in Florida that is under constant renovations every time someone like Rachael Ray makes a sizeable donation to Howard and Beth's BFF foundation results in more renovations to the Stern Florida Fortress and Face Rehabilitation Center. Beth's BFF foundation is an animal charity that never has a work product not counting the Florida Fortress where Beth and Howard shuttle a few cats around and claim it's a cat foster fortress with the Sterns barely stepping foot inside of the place save for that one cat room with a few litter boxes in it and gosh, they call that a big animal rescue mission/vacation jaunt.

Howard's minions love bananas. Didn't you know Beth was a famous banana-shaped model? Yep. Highly in demand at the monkey bars where Beth was a frequent flier.

Gee Howard, time to admit you're a phony with your coffee sponsors? Paid much? Oh right, Mr. Half A Billionaire can't even afford to provide free coffee to his backroom monkeys eating those stale bananas.

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